"Sexy" Fashions . . . What Do Men Think?

When our daughter was about 12, she got in her mom's makeup, and really when hog wild with it. Snipped her shirt, to expose her belly and all that stuff. So, I loaded her up in the car, and took her to the infamous 14th Street in Washington, D.C., and told her to get on out and get busy. Scared her to death. She promised never to do it again, and 16 years later, she hadn't as far as I know. (She doesn't live at home any more.) Far more effective than any words I could have found to say to her.

 

A spiritual mentor of mine always used to say "The second look is sin" of course followed by "so if you see something you like, don't look away"

I hope he was kidding, eh Dr. Bob?

 

The bust outline is considered "revealing"? I must disagree. Jessica Simpon has been cursed with large breasts on a small body. Did you know that she originally tried to break into the Christian music scene, but none of the Christian labels wanted to hire her because they felt her large breasts and petite frame were inappropriate visually? I think it's sad when we tell our young people to not judge prople based on looks, but then we end up judgng people on their looks.

 

I can't find anything out there that would make me sexy fashionable.

 

John,

Surely you are not arguing that Jessica Simpson is not capitalizing on her physical looks. I have not seen much of her since I don't watch MTV at all. I had heard of her, so I did a little internet search. I can't imagine that you think she is not using her features in a sexual way.

Having large breasts is one thing. Wearing skin tight clothes that hug the figure, accentuate the bust outline, and wearing short shirts that show the bare stomach is certainly not becoming of a godly woman, nor is it conducive to encouraging proper thinking among men. While men are responsible for their thoughts, women are responsible for their modesty.

I think "sexy fashions" are great, but they should be reserved for the bedroom. Women are instructed to dress modestly, in a manner appropriate for women who make a claim to godliness (1 Tim 2:9-10).

 

I have an 11 year old daughter who likes to wear shorts in the summer but refuses to wear (PTL) what we both call "show your butt shorts". We have gone to the boys section and bought a couple pair of the loose shorts that come to the knee. Sad to say nowhere in this town can we find a pair of shorts that come more than an inch below the "butt". GRRRRRRRRRRR I look around and see all these little girls dressed in skimpy clothes and it appalls me.

 

When attractive women wear sexy fashions that revel more than they should, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

The female body is attractive to a man and it is enjoyable to look at; however, I don't want to be distracted by this situation. Now, I've been married over 31 years to the same woman and I do not want to have sex with anyone except her. So, this attraction is in constant conflict with my true desire.

It also makes me wonder why a woman would want to advertise what is not for sale.

 

I agree completely, Terry.

 

I am asking this sincerely of the men who have posted here:

Can a man train himself not to look at attractive women? My pastor says that one of the things he learned from his father was that his father "only had eyes for his wife" and at the beach or someplace would not look at the women there.

I do not look at men I may be passing on the street or in stores (for different reasons than what we are discussing here). I do not want to send a wrong signal to a man and have no interest in looking at a man I don't know. Many foreign men (and there are lots here where I live) interpret friendly looks and even innocent greetings of "hello" as come-ons. I have trained myself to do this. It is partly for protection.

You can look at other things or sort of refocus your eyes over so that you are not seeing someone.

 

IMO, that shows a lack of understanding of the male attraction to visual stimulation. While you might only look at it one time, it sticks with you. Any man who thinks that the way women dress isn't contributing to the problem is either dead or deceived, IMO. One of the great differences between men and women is the visual issue, and most women just cannot grasp it.

That doesn't excuse the men in any way at all. They are responsible to keep their minds clean and focused. But the reality is that immodestly dressed women contribute to the problem, no matter how strong the man is.

 

I agree with your point that women are not excused for dressing immodestly. I am totally against women dressing in a revealing or provocative way.

I also realize men react more to visual things -- I can't relate to it but I do realize it and am aware of it. That is why I asked that question -- I was truly wondering about it as a possibility.

 

It's certainly possible for a man to train himself not to stare at women (there's that passage in Job: "I have made a covenant with my eyes, not to look upon a girl"), but it is increasingly difficult in a society which encourages revealing fashions, even in pre-teens. Being single and often alone, I'm particularly vulnerable. Like every other temptation, it's a matter of recognizing the problem, getting serious about it, and sincerely submitting the whole issue to the Lord.

 

My wife is much the same way. I was on my way home from work, called the choiropractor and got an appointment at the same time as hers. I pulled into the parking lot while she was walking in, and she didn't even look at me. It startled her when the receptionist took me into the same room as her. We got a good laugh out of that, but her reason was the same. She doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

 

I can tell you with 100% certainty that, yes, a man is capable of looking only at his wife. I am such a man. I have no eyes for anyone but my wife-to-be. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: If a nude woman walked by me right now, I would not look at her lustfully. Jesus commands me not to, and if I do, it's my fault, not hers. Also worth repeating: A man cannot keep the birds from flying over his head, but he CAN keep them from nesting in his hair.

 

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has this experience! This has happened to me with my son quite a few times. He's 6'4" and 22 yrs. old, so it's not a little boy running around. He's come up to me in the parking lot and at the grocery store (when he knew I'd be there and he 'dropped' in to get some food he wanted) and I have never seen it was him until he said something funny to get my attention.

 

"I can tell you with 100% certainty that, yes, a man is capable of looking only at his wife. I am such a man. I have no eyes for anyone but my wife-to-be. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: If a nude woman walked by me right now, I would not look at her lustfully."

Proverbs 16:18
Proverbs 29:28

While I am glad for your victory at this time, I am also concerned that you are setting yourself up for a fall. I have known too many men, in pastoral positions, claiming the same victory that you have, end up failing miserably and putting a great stain on their ministries. BEWARE.

 

Your concern is appreciated, and taken to heart. Remaining sinless is a daily and continual endeavor for all of us. BTW, I don't consider my refraining from looking lustfully as a victory, though I thank you for the encouragement. I consider it something that any Godly man should do.

 

I know what you are talking about Johnv, It is a daily discipline, not something you are claiming to have "conquered"

I endeavour to maintain purity in my though life no matter what might cross my path in a given day, since I have little control over what others do. I can only be responsible for my own thoughts and actions.

In the Information Technology world, we would refer to the behavior johnv is describing as a "best practice"

 

And many who rail on the ladies about their dress, and demand ridiculous standards on the issue, do so IMO because of their own lack of self-control or self-discipline. Many of them have done the same to their ministries, and than blamed the brazen hussie who wore pants to a "counseling session"

 

I think that when a woman allows the evil one to work through her clothing ... she should be pittied ...
But when, we as men, fail - we fail God Himself.