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Should a Pastor date one of the Church Youth?

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by C.S. Murphy, Aug 5, 2002.

  1. C.S. Murphy

    C.S. Murphy New Member

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    Can anyone offer a word of defense for a young SBC Pastor who has starting dating a member of the youth group. Her parents are leaders in the Church and they support it.
    Murphy
     
  2. Baptist Believer

    Baptist Believer Well-Known Member
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    There may not be anything wrong with the relationship between the pastor and the youth, but it doesn't look good for a pastor (presumably well into his 20s) to be dating a member of the youth group (presumably 18 years or less).

    It sounds like it has the appearance of something improper -- something church leaders are supposed to avoid.
     
  3. go2church

    go2church Active Member

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    NO, NO and NO this is headed for trouble! The relationship is a barrier to effective ministry, even if the people don't think so. Here are a few questions
    What happens when the relationship hits the rocks? What does that do for and to the family and the church?
    What happens if the hormones of the young couple are not kept under control (think you know what I mean)?
    What the parents think about the relationship is in my opinion not something to be considered. Think about it, what mother wouldn't want their young daughter dating a pastor rather then a teenager delivering pizza with the radio turned up way too loud?!?! DUH!
    If this is something that might develop into a good relationship, they both need to cool thier jet's and wait until she is out of college or at least that age.
     
  4. Bro. Curtis

    Bro. Curtis <img src =/curtis.gif>

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    Uhhh, shouldn't the pastor already be married ?
     
  5. uhdum

    uhdum New Member

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    I'll expand the question...should a single pastor date a member of his congregation at all?
     
  6. AdoptedDaughter

    AdoptedDaughter New Member

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    for those of you who said no, can you provide scritpure to back it up?
     
  7. DocCas

    DocCas New Member

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    1 Timothy 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
    2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife,
     
  8. Johnv

    Johnv New Member

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    If a single adult pastor can't date a single adult member of his/her congregation, how then is he/she supposed to find a mate that will support him/her in his/her ministry?

    There's nothing scripturally with two morally appropriate consenting adults dating. We encourage people in the church to date people in the church. Should we therefore tell our pastors to join a singles group at someone else's church?

    If the pastor is dating a member of the youth group who is over 18, then I see nothing wrong with it. It doesn't make a difference if that person's in the youth group, bible study group, singles group, prison ministry group, or cookie baking group.

    [ August 06, 2002, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: Johnv ]
     
  9. AdoptedDaughter

    AdoptedDaughter New Member

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    Is this referring to having a wife before, or is he, when he marries, to have one wife?
     
  10. Chris Temple

    Chris Temple New Member

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    No, he must be a "one-woman man", meaning true to his wife, if and when he does get married.
     
  11. MissAbbyIFBaptist

    MissAbbyIFBaptist <img src=/3374.jpg>

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    I thought this was a question on wheither or not he should date someone in his youth, not wheither or not he should already be married. I always took the scripture to mean he couldn't have MORE than one wife. But that's a topic for another discusion.
    Anyways, back on topic, what's wrong with him dating her if she is old enough and if the church and parents aprove? I think as long as it's done biblicaly there is nothing wrong with it.
    He's gotta date someone if he inteands on getting married. Where else would you find a good, godly young lady, than in church?
    Oh well, that's just my opinion.
    ~Abby
     
  12. C.S. Murphy

    C.S. Murphy New Member

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    I think I caused confusion so let me clear this up, the Pastor is 21 and the girl is almost 16.
    Also because I know this is going on, as a concerned neighboring Pastor should I offer councel to him or just mind my own business.
    Murphy
     
  13. MissAbbyIFBaptist

    MissAbbyIFBaptist <img src=/3374.jpg>

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    I still think it's ok, as long as the church aproves and the parents aprove.
    But it's only my opinion, and I'm sure someone else would be more experianced on this matter than I.
    In Our Saviour, Abby :D
     
  14. go2church

    go2church Active Member

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    The pastor is only 21 and the girl isn't even 16 yet?!?!?! Please somebody with just an ounce of common sense step in and say what most everyone is thinking but is unwilling to say...."Hey fella, she is too young for you to be dating." Six years difference in age is no big deal when you are in your 20's 30's etc. but when the other girl isn't even old enough to vote and in some states drive, she is too young. How do you say something not so nice to hear to another pastor? Not sure of the best words, but I would sure say something, even if it hurt his feelings a bit.
    As far as scripture goes we aren't told to jump off tall buildings either but you don't see many lining up to take the plunge. Why? Because God has given us the ability to reason, jumping off tall buildings means I will get hurt or will die, therefore I don't jump off tall buildings. Not in the bible but a good habit to keep none the less.
     
  15. onevoice

    onevoice <img src =/onevoice.jpg>

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    Personally, as an experienced youth leader and ministry directory, I would strongly suggest that you voice your concerns to the deacon board and let them deal with the problem. My problem would lie in the fact that it looks immoral with such a great age difference. In fact, according to the law, french kissing between the two can actually be considered as a form of rape due to the penetration. Just doesn't feel right. Whatever you decide, pray hard about how to best handle it.
     
  16. rlvaughn

    rlvaughn Well-Known Member

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    I think that a man being several years older than his wife can be beneficial in a marriage. But in this case where the girl is only 16, the 21 year old pastor is quite naïve if doesn't think that there is trouble ahead, even if the parents and church approve (and that approval can be subject to change). This suggests a possible (im)maturity level that would disqualify the young man from currently pastoring, even if you don't agree with Thomas Cassidy and I that a pastor should be the husband of one wife.
     
  17. Rev. Joshua

    Rev. Joshua <img src=/cjv.jpg>

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    ???

    Now that the age of consent in Georgia is 16, wouldn't that make him a pedophile?

    I would seriously question the sanity of a church calling a 21-year-old as their pastor; and I would even more seriously question the maturity of any 21-year-old who dates a 15-year-old.

    Ugh! It makes you almost wish there were a bishop to report him to.

    Joshua
    (Who's now going to try to forget he ever read this thred.)
     
  18. Abiyah

    Abiyah <img src =/abiyah.gif>

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    First, I did not know that a 21-year-old could
    pastor! That is very interesting to me.

    But regarding pedophilia, am I out of touch,
    or does that involve a little more than, uh, dating?
     
  19. C.S. Murphy

    C.S. Murphy New Member

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    Wow Joshua and I finally agree, I guess that means he finally got one right. ha.ha.
    Murphy
     
  20. DocCas

    DocCas New Member

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    Yes. [​IMG] In order to pastor he must have one wife, and only one wife. [​IMG]

    [ August 06, 2002, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: DocCas ]
     
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