Some "not-so-bright" phrases I have coined

Must be a taxi driver thing, I've been using "I'm crazy, not stupid" for years Though I was using it even before I got into the cab from memory. Also a similar line "I've always been crazy, many times it's stopped me from going insane"


Hey, that 4th one sounds familiar...Wasn't that in Dubya's last speech?

 

I've said it before, Sometimes I feel like a nut and other times I know I am.

 

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now...

 

I am proud to say that I've become fluent in two languages. English and cat.

 

"Dumb as a box of rocks"

 

"I'm as nervous as a June Bug in a Chicken Coop"

 

Dense as a bag of hammers...

present company excluded of course

 

My first Bulletin Board (bb) was back in July 1984.
(yes, 21½-years ago). Anyway, about 1988 I was
arguing, ah, er, debating religion. Anyway, I
was talking about God, angels (not angles ),
and human beings. I mispelled 'human beings' as
'human beans'. Well someone worried about counting
folks in Sunday School as opposed to converting people
to Christ JUMPED on my error. So from then on i
had to use 'human beans'.

 

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

 

I feel like a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

 

I tried to find a pair of camouflaged pants, but couldn't find any!

 

I once walked into a Subway and ordered a football meatlong.

 

I hope the moderators will permit me this:

Several years ago, I was a PC tech for a large company. A certain department had orderd a new state of the art pentiums (they were state of the art then, at least). I wrote an email to the VP of the department, plus all the secretarial staff, informing them that their pentuims had arrived. The only problem: The email dictionary at the time did notyet recognize the word "pentiums". To make a long story short, I ended up sending a group email (to a department of mostly women) informing them that their penises had arrived.

I was very popular in that department for a few months afterward.

 

I wonder how many people have dealt with pentium envy.

 

As I spit out diet coke with splenda all over my screen

 

No matter where you go; you're there.

 

Blackbird has been in the "middle of nowhere" before----been there, done that, bought a tee-shirt!!!

I can't ever get to the "middle of nowhere" if I don't ever go!! See?

 

I am closing this topic because the material may be offensive to some people who are suffering from mental/nervous illnesses.

I am guilty of posting here, so I am certainly not pointing fingers at anyone.

Please see Bible Beleiving Bill's thread in this forum.

Thanks,
§ue