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Talking Electronic Scales

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by DocTrinsoGrace, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. DocTrinsoGrace

    DocTrinsoGrace New Member

    Feb 3, 2005
    Roman Catholic talking scales: “For an Indulgence of $50, your weight gain will be absolved…”

    Lutheran talking scales: ”There are at least 95 things you should not have eaten this week…”

    Southern Baptist talking scales: “Raise your hand if you know deep down in your heart that you should not have eaten those pop-tarts this week and if you really mean it, you will be saved from weight gain…”

    Freewill Baptist talking scales: “Last week you gained weight and this week you lost it again…”

    Reformed Baptist talking scales: “Our scales were calibrated in AD70 and if your weight is not what you expected, it is because you have been listening to those heathen Dispensationalists again…”

    Dispensational talking scales: “Don’t get left behind, believe that you can lose that weight and it will suddenly disappear from your thighs in the twinkling of an eye…”

    Word Faith talking scales: “Claim that weight loss in the name of GEE-Zus and you will be slain in the GLO-ry. Now don’t forget to plant your seed money for next week…”

    Emergent talking scales: “Numbers are so confusing. We’re not sure exactly what your current weight is but be assured that all weights are acceptable before Him or Her, if there is a God at all. Let’s have a conversation about your weight after the praise band cranks out a few secular songs at 120 decibels…”

    Seeker Sensitive talking scales: “Just buy my book in the lobby and follow these 4 steps to finding your purpose. Your weight will be your best weight now…”

    From Truthinator Blog.
  2. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member

    Dec 17, 2010
    Pretty good.

    Calvinist scale: You were meant to be this exact weight from before the foundation of the world.

    Methodist scale: If you go and do five good deeds for your fellow man you might not lose pounds but your soul's burden will be lighter.

    Pentecostal scale: If you don't lose any weight this week you didn't have enough faith. Repent and buy our prayer cloth.
  3. Thousand Hills

    Thousand Hills Active Member

    Oct 3, 2010

    Anybody think of a good one for them there "Bapticostals" ?
  4. Mexdeaf

    Mexdeaf New Member

    Mar 14, 2005
    "If you raise and wave your hands in worship often enough, you will lose weight from the exercise."
  5. thisnumbersdisconnected

    Apr 11, 2013
    " ... and it will be a sign for you!"