Teen Suicide

Prasenik · Aug 25, 2002

Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Alright, this guy who I'd been friends with since I was a little kid, nice guy (but unsaved), hanged himself a couple months ago. He was 16. I really liked him and was friends with him (even though he made fun of me when I witnessed to him). Since he was unsaved despite being witnessed to and commited suicide, I have no doubt he is in hell. But I'm still really sad and troubled, how do you get closure for someone you loved when you know they're in hell right this very moment?
I did my very best, but I feel like I didn't do enough. Maybe if I'd worked harder on witnessing he might have been saved ( I only witnessed to him ometimes, and not forcefully, but only because I thought that might drive him away and serve no purpose, a mistake now I realize), or if I'd just been there for him more in general, he might not have killed himself and he would still have a chance to be saved before deat h.
I prayed for the Good Lord to show him mercy, was this wrong? I understand He has His rules for His own good reasons, but in this case it feels so horrible ( I know I shouldn't feel that way, or even say it). Sorry, I'm in a confused state of mind when I think about it. I still stay awake at night thinking what things wrong, what acts I ommited and if I should have, etc. I know ultimately it was his free choice to walk down the path he did, and I showed him the right path, which he ignored. I should probably talk about this with my pastor maybe, but I sort of feel ashamed for some reason. Thanks for listening.

Any biblical passages which could help educate me about this whole matter, and understand it better, would be appreciated.

In Lord Jesus Christ's Love,

Prasenik

[ August 25, 2002, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: Prasenik ]

Helen · Aug 25, 2002

He may not be in hell.

"Shall not the judge of the whole earth do right?"

God indicated a cutoff age of 20 in Numbers 14:27-33 for those he held responsible for rebellion against him.

Read it and trust that God knows what He is doing, OK?

My youngest daughter had to live through what seemed an epidemic (3) of suicides a couple of years ago in her high school. The whole place was very, very shook! And understandably so.

It's so hard. One of the ways you can find healing in your own self, though, is simply through trusting God. He loved your friend more than you did. And the Judge of the whole earth does, indeed, do right. You can rest in that.

Clint Kritzer · Aug 25, 2002

Chrysoprasus is having problems with her server today but e-mailed me this entry for this thread:

Prasenik, it might help you to learn a little bit about depression and suicide so that you can understand what happened better.

Most suicides happen when a person is in a situation, such as depression or a problem that they cannot see an answer to. When someone cannot see the answer to a problem that they think is very important in their life, suicidal thoughts can begin to occur. In fact, it's a rather natural outlet thought in highly stressful situations.

Unfortunately, these thoughts lingered in his mind and he either wouldn't or couldn't get help. Many people are too ashamed or embarassed about these thoughts to admit them, or do not realize how strong they can become until too late.

You, however, are not responsible for the actions and/or thoughts of anybody else in this world. True, you can have an effect on them, and it sounds like your contact with him could have only resulted in good effects. You do not know what was in his heart or in his mind, and God himself tells us in his word that confessions of faith even made at the last minute, are heard, so even after losing the ability to speak there is still hope for that person that we may not know happened.

How do you get closure? This may be hard for you, and it may be something you can expect to cause you some amount of grief for a while, but although you can and should cry when you feel the need, do not dwell on it and try to think of the the bad parts of it less with each passing day. Draw out the lessons from it and think on those instead. Lessons like cherishing each day with friends and family, speaking kindly to others, and being a good listener to others.

As far as biblical passages, read God's response to Job when questioned, and try to understand from that the concept that we do not understand they why of everything, but that God is God and we can rest in the peace of knowing that nothing happens that He isn't aware of or able to deal with.

Gina
Click to expand...

Prasenik · Aug 25, 2002

Originally posted by Helen:
He may not be in hell.

"Shall not the judge of the whole earth do right?"

God indicated a cutoff age of 20 in Numbers 14:27-33 for those he held responsible for rebellion against him.

Read it and trust that God knows what He is doing, OK?

Click to expand...

Thank you Helen. I should quite being so presumptious that I already know His will and actually study it a bit more (in the Bible).

Originally posted by Helen:

My youngest daughter had to live through what seemed an epidemic (3) of suicides a couple of years ago in her high school. The whole place was very, very shook! And understandably so.

It's so hard. One of the ways you can find healing in your own self, though, is simply through trusting God. He loved your friend more than you did. And the Judge of the whole earth does, indeed, do right. You can rest in that.
Click to expand...

Good point. Sometimes I worry, but really I should just have faith in Him. I mean He won't do anything unjust or wrong (obviously), and like you said, He loved my friend more than any person could. I know others might have other things to add (maybe less positive), but thanks for the simple reminder : trust Him.
Obviously I'm still really sad, but it's comforting to know my friend might not be in hell. Now, off to study that passage (I'm just taking your word on it right now ).

Thanks for your response, Helen.

Prasenik · Aug 25, 2002

Clint, thanks for passing along Chrysoprasus's extremely thoughtful reply (I hope her computer problems get solved by the way). I was reading that passage a couple of weeks ago (I'm studying the Book of Job right now), but maybe I can look at in a new light. It's important when reading The Bible to make sure you're reading His Word as He meant for it to be read, and not reading your own thoughts into it (sometimes I do that without noticing).

savedgirl63026 · Aug 25, 2002

Prasenik,
I can't say that I have had experience with this subject, yet. I just went through the first death of my life a few weeks ago, at age 15. It was very hard, but yes, knowing that person was in Heaven did help me out alot. (It was our assistant pastor/my school principal).Anyways, I DO know how it is with someone not being responsive to the gospel. I was working on someone one time, and I WANTED THEM TO GET SAVED. I tried and TRIED!!! I would go home and pray, pray, pray that that person would get saved. After I, myself, realized how bad hell actually was, I DIDN'T (and still don't by the way)WANT ANYONE TO GO THERE! All I had to do was pray and continue to witness. Finally when that person got saved. OH WHAT A BLESSING. All I have to say advice wise is that that one person MAY be in Hell at this moment, but there are MANY MANY MANY other people on this world right now that Are not saved and they need to hear the gospel as well. (Now I am preaching to my self) I hope I helped a little bit. If not, sorry!

Jamie

Grace · Aug 26, 2002

Prasenik-I'm so sorry about your friend. I know from personal experience how it feels to have a friend kill themself. About 4 years ago (October 1st will be 4 years) a friend of mine shot himself in the head. As I write this, it hurts all over again, and I remember how troubled all of us who knew him were. It's hard to find closure because there are so many unanswered questions. I know for us, we all blamed ourselves becuase we felt that we should have seen something and said something to us. The last time we saw him, he was leaving church and he said "bye y'all, I'll see you Sunday" He died the next day. He had told us that the only place he felt accepted was at church. Prasenik--DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Depression is some bad stuff, and sometimes a person just can't get out of it, so they take the only way out that they can think of. I remember being very angry with him. I mean, how could he do something so dumb? It took a long time. There are still days when I think I see him on the street. I won't give you any of the "Sunday School answers" When you're hurting, those don't seem to help. All I can say is that God loves you very much, and when you hurt, he hurts too. You can PM me if you want to talk more.
In Him,
Grace

Prasenik · Aug 27, 2002

savedgirl63026, Grace,

Thank you very much for your responses. Grace I really apreicate your offer rigarding a private correspondance, but I don't think I'll take you up on it, as I've brought up the matter with my Youth Pastor and he's being really great. He's realy good insomuch as he doesn't give trite, as you put it, "sunday school answers" and shows he really cares. There are no easy answers in these things, and what answers there are may be beyond me. I'm not even sure of the questions yet. I needed to get this stuff out in a somewhat anonymous way, but amongst fellow Baptists (of all stripes!), and you've all been really helpful.

In Christian Love,

Prasenik

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