The "two cow" system of government:

rbell · Jun 12, 2009

This is old, and most of you have seen it. But as we continue to discuss socialist, fascist, communist, etc., I thought we could go through these. Comments and insights, please:

(be aware that the 2nd half of these are more funny (or attempts at it) than anything else...I'm more interested in what you think about the first half of the list)

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two Cow" Terms:

Socialism
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism
You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of >four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them >for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they >both die. You blame the godless American infidels and the Jews.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
Click to expand...

(source: HERE, but there are other places w/this)

rbell · Jun 12, 2009

I think the "democracy" one is way off. I would say:

Democracy: You have two cows. For all decisions regarding the care of your cows, a majority of neighbors must approve.

BigBossman · Jun 12, 2009

That's interesting.

I was listening to a morning radio show (The John Boy & Billy Big Show) & they had a similar thing except it had nothing to do with cows or all of the different classifications of government. This one had to do with conservatives & liberals. It went something like this:

You are walking down the street with your family & man comes toward you family with a knife demanding your money. You have a gun in your possesion. Do you give him your money to protect your family from harm? Do you point it at him & hope he'll run away? What will you do?

The liberal response:
That's just not enough information. Is he a minority? Has he been oppressed or come from a troubled background. Can I try to knock the knife out of his hand?

The conservative response:
BANG!

The Southern conservative response:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click click click click. Oh there's just never enough bullets in these guns. Well let me reload. Okay, BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Of course it was much funnier on the program the way they did it.

The "two cow" system of government:

rbell Active Member

rbell Active Member

BigBossman Active Member

Useful Searches

The "two cow" system of government:

rbell Active Member

rbell Active Member

BigBossman Active Member