To Spank or Not to Spank?

I spank my children because I love them. Do I imply that the opposite is true for those who don't spank? Of course not. I will explicitly say that those who don't spank show a form of hatred toward their children.

- Daniel David, not a very good social worker

 

"My dad didn't spank me to leave a mark; he spanked me to leave an impression. He spanked me because he loved me - and he loved me a lot!" - Ergun Caner

 

There are times to spank. There are times not to spank. Whatever it takes to show love and to teach discipline and self discipline.

 

I couldn't answer your poll. Nick is 9 and has been swatted through his clothes 2 times in his life. That was enough for him.

Some parents spank for every offense. Some parents try to rationalize things with a 3 year old. There has to be a better answer.

I'm not pro spanking because my mother hit me with anything she could grab hold of. When I was dressing for a 'tea' as a senior in high school, mother was screaming at my younger brother. As I walked through to get an iron, her false teeth flew out of her mouth across the room. I laughed. She hit me first with the dust pan and when she dropped that, hit me across my back with the broom. So I'm not excited about spanking children.

Diane

 

Diane,

You do understand the difference between spanking as a form of discipline and the abuse that you endured because your mother was acting out of uncontrolled rage, correct?

Joseph Botwinick

 

Yes, Joseph, but because of the mistreatment, I tend to prefer different means of discipline and it's worked quite well with our 4 children. Time outs, privileges, and a (seldom) swat was all that was needed. No screaming either.

Diane

 

I agree Diane. Just wanted you to clarify the difference. I certainly understand. Spanking is always the only answer. But, when it is needed, it should be administered out of love and not out of anger.

Joseph Botwinick

 

Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

(Now if you bring up that Michael and Debbie Pearl and how they teach to hit infants or Gary Ezzo and his teachings about using a wooden spoon on an infants hand if he reaches for his bowl of food, I'll disagree to the death! )

Diane

 

Oops. Just realized my typo and it is too late to edit. I meant to say "spanking is NOT always the only answer". Sorry.

Joseph Botwinick

 

Friends,

This is one of those subjects that is very painful for me. As much as I probably need to keep quiet so as not to offend, I feel just as compelled to speak up and be heard so that some other family could avoid what my family and I are currently going though.

I cannot give details as to what happened, I'm facing class C Felony charges for it, I can state that what I did at that time I felt was right and correct. I do feel now that things could have been done better on my part and have recieved some counseling and parental training to avoid the use of spanking as much as possible. I still feel that it is a viable form of punishment when done correctly. It IS NOT something that should be done everyday or even every week or month. It is something that should be the punishment equivilent to the death penalty for the child, something to be avoided at all costs. I also believe that it should be done in love and with restraint and not a quick thing but a process of reinforcement of love for the child and a teaching time to help the child understand why things have come to this point and why a spanking is needed now. The child should be reminded as to the things that were done to help correct the problem before it got to this point. The child should also be reminded that this is done because the parent loves the child and wants the best and not because the parent is angery at the child.

Reguardless of the place in which you live and the rules concerning the use of spanking, marks of evidence should never be left on the child other than a red butt for a short time (Hours). While having whelps and marks and even a few bruise marks is probably good for the child to help them remember what they did, it is dangerous to the family as it opens up the door for investigation and even in my case, charges filed.

If your child has come to the point inwhich he/she needs a spanking, please wait until you are fully calm and no longer angry over the situation. It only leads to damage to the family. The kids butt will heal, the damage to the family may be irrecoverable.

 

Yes, your post is accurate. The secular world does not believe in spanking as we change to a non-christian society with the acceptance of Muslims, Mormons and other non-Christian religions moving in and being accepted by the country as a whole and some of the churches. I do respect freedom of religion. Our country was founded on it. But, what scares me is that many churches are accepting that it is okay to receive God in your own way.

Spanking can result in penalties if it is not handled properly.

My advice is exactly the same. ALWAYS, ALWAYS wait before you spank "in the heat of the moments". If you are mad, do NOT spank. You may over-do what your child needs.

As an example a small child reaches for something on a stove. I do not see anything wrong with a swat on the hand or buttocks (with an open hand). This is one example where you will probably not be mad at your child, you just do not want them hurt.

Secular states that do allow spanking usually allow open hand to the buttocks with clothes on. And then the amount that is necessary to get the point across to the child without causing injury.

One judge just upheld a mother who slapped her 16 year old daughter on the face for "back-talking" her. I would probably be real careful in this area because your state may not look upon this in the same view. Children will now turn in their parents when they are old enough to know how to do it. I see it happen all the time. Usually, the parents get off, but not after going through an ordeal they could do without. But, isn't this predicted in the Bible?

 

I agree with this also. Sometimes a good explanation, especially with a child old enough to understand can work wonders. But, sometimes they must associate "doing wrong" with "consequences". I was spanked by my father with a belt and it did not have a negative effect on me, and I love him very much today. He had what was good for me in mind. My mother used a switch from a hedge. It stung, but when she did it, I was doing something very bad. Today, she would get in trouble for leaving red marks that last a day or two, but again, it didn't hurt me permanently and it taught me that I had to know there were going to be consequences, either good or bad for all of our actions.

 

If the child needs it, then spanking is allowed, abuse is not allowed.

 

A child needs love AND discipline. Without either one, you have a monster on your hands.

Our daughter has had quite a few spankings in her life. But she has also had lots of love, and lots of discipline. As a result, I don't worry every time she walks out the door if she will be drinking, having sex, committing vandalism, whatever.

Take a look at the circus we call youth today. Why is the violence so high? The crime? The age of sex so low? The lack of love and discipline.

Diane, I understand your aversion. You have done a wonderful job. I know that your kids know that they are loved, and I know that they have had discipline in their lives (do you use a 5-count at home, too?). But yours is the exception, not the rule.

My dad's parents' generation dished out 'whippings' without a thought. My dad's generation didn't want to 'be so hard' on their kids, so they didn't use spankings that much, and my generation grew up wild (I'm almost 36). My generation was told that it was barbaric to hit your child, so my daughter's generation (she's 15) are coming up with record numbers of violent crimes and a total lack of social morals.

Just my opinion.

In Christ,
Trotter

 

I agree with the top portion of your post. LOVE is absolutely important, but that is WHY we spank them is it not?

I do not think your statement about our generation or our parent's generation doling out whippings just to do it. You may have grown up in an abusive situation, but not all did; not by a long-shot.

 

Oh, I'm 46. Just ten years difference. I do not think parents changed that much in those ten years. Except that was the period when the spanking started ending. Thanks to Dr. Spock. (But, what do you expect from a Vulcan who spent his life exploring strange and unknown worlds.)

 

Phillip, if you didn't sound so much like me, I would worry about you .

In Christ,
Trotter