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Featured To spank or not to spank?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by 12strings, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation Well-Known Member
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    :thumbs::thumbs:AMEN :thumbs:
     
  2. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Not every child is alike. Some are regularly defiant and need correction. Others are compliant and probably need little physical correction. It is the compliant child that should be the most concerning.
     
  3. DiamondLady

    DiamondLady New Member

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    I spanked...regularly for the oldest, who was strong-willed and seldom for the youngest who was quiet and rarely got into any mischief. Different children require different methods. Parents today think of spanking as child abuse. IT IS NOT! When done correctly, on the backside where God intended it to go, and when the child understands why they're being spanked it is an effective tool.

    My favorite weapon of discipline was a wooden kitchen spoon. I carried it in my purse and when the boys would misbehave at church I'd take it out, lay it on the pew and suddenly I had perfect angels LOL I don't recall ever actually USING it, just its appearance was enough.

    Often times knowing one can receive a spanking is plenty of detterant for misbehavior. Knowing all they're going to receive is a "talking to" and a time out ...what sort of discipline is that??? I know for a fact it would have never stopped me for one moment. Consistency is the #1 key, follow through is #2. If something is wrong once it's always wrong. If you say you're going to spank them for doing something, do it.

    PS 9 months is not too young to spank, as long as they understand thoroughly that what they are doing is wrong. It is not child abuse to spank a child, on their behind, with your hand.
     
  4. menageriekeeper

    menageriekeeper Active Member

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    I never had a lot of defiance. If I said no to a toddler and they didn't immediately find something else to do, I physically removed them from what they were doing and found something else to occupy them. By the time they got bigger and could say no, they knew my NO was bigger than their no and it was a useless gesture. I didn't spank when one refused to pick up toys, I took their hand and we picked them up together with my hand over theirs. The point was to teach them to pick up after themselves not get out of doing the chore myself.

    The car thing does remind me of one other spanking one of mine got when she was about 5. She had a little friend (still has this friend actually) who was an only child and whose mother would pick her up at school with a snack waiting in the car. Well, I had 3 or 4 kids to pick up at 2 schools and I just didn't see the point. They could all eat at HOME, not in my car. But my darling thought I should have her snack ready in the car when she got in. When I ignored her (after telling her more than once it wasn't going to happen) she started the crying, screeching act, which I again ignored for long enoug that she should have gotten the picture. I can outstubborn any kid. But after a week of this, she caught me on a bad day. I warned her, shut it up by the time we pick up your sister or else. She knew what else meant. Just cause I rarely spanked didn't mean she had no experience.

    So we pull up close to the second school and blessed peace falls over the back seat. Problem solved I thought, grinning to myself. It lasted until we got around the corner. And she started again. And I knew I'd better fullfill my promise. I warned her one more time and KNEW she thought she had me beat. You can just tell when a kid thinks they have you against a wall. Surely I wouldn't spank her IN PUBLIC!! :D

    I pulled over at the nearest privit bush (wild privits make excellent switches) picked one and the tone changed so quickly I almost laughed before I could get back to the car. I pulled her out and tapped her a couple of times, knowing the embarrassment was worse than the switch, put a know totally shocked and silent child back in the car, switch on the dashboard (re-enforcing the lesson) and drove on home never to have to deal with the problem again.

    My kids mostly learned from each other. One well timed "spanking" did a world of good in our house. Pain was never the point, it was the grabbing and focusing of their total attention on the fact that *I* was in charge and would be in charge that was the point.

    Oh and I never said, "just wait until your father gets home". If I had waited for that my kids would have run all over me! he worked 14-16 hour days when the kids were young. There was a time or two when I said, this is my consequence but you get to tell your father what you did too, but that meant DOUBLE trouble! (and was usually reserved for school matters. our version of if you get in trouble at school you are in trouble at home)
     
  5. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    When I was in Finland I never saw a child spanked but I saw discipline enacted. What I noticed that grabbed my attention was that children were instructed a lot more than what we often see in America. Too often parents take the negative end of things and expect obedience without question. Does it always help a child to hear, "Because I said so." Who is the authority? No parent is the authority. The authority is God. So the parent must point and direct their children to focus on Jesus.
     
  6. preacher4truth

    preacher4truth Active Member

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    A week ago or so my 2 year old daughter was into something and I told her to put it back but she wouldn't, so I gave her a soft tap on the behind, told her to put it back, which she immediately did, then she turned around, ran to me crying with a tear running down her cheek her arms up wanting me to hold her and hugged me around the neck and said "I love you Daddy!" crying. Broke my heart the little twerp.
     
  7. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Oh man! LOL poor little thing! Sometimes it really DOES hurt us more than them. :)
     
  8. J.D.

    J.D. Active Member
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    Spanking can be the perfect punishment, if it's done at the right time and in the right way. It should never be done in an angry outburst - that takes away the punitive and rehabilitative effect. I often failed in this area while raising my daughter, but have done much better with the grandkids (yes, grandpa spanks, when neccessary).

    But one of the most important lessons I've learned is that it's the certainty of punishment, not the severity, that is most effective. So it doesn't always have to be spanking. In fact, it should only occasionally be spanking. Of course, some kids are more difficult than others. And some kids, like my granddaughter, never require spanking, not even once - she's always been the compliant type.
     
  9. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler New Member

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    I got to looking for the scripture verse which I was sure Solomon had said in the Proverbs: "Spare the rod, spoil the child." It's not in the Bible.

    This one isn't either:
    “Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough” – Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
     
  10. Iconoclast

    Iconoclast Well-Known Member
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    it is a paraphrase of this verse;
    24He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes

    some think it is more loving to not obey the verses in proverbs.
     
  11. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    I don't see that here. My issue is that people think it's okay to spank babies. My children couldn't even WALK at nine months of age, much less need spanked.

    Consistent correction, when applied lovingly and appropriately, is in line with scripture. But scripture doesn't tell us to spank babies.
     
  12. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Correction does not always need to be done with spanking. Sometimes it is a matter of changing direction. Sometyimes it is a matter of speaking truth. Sometimes it is the result of letting them have their own way and crashing.
     
  13. preacher4truth

    preacher4truth Active Member

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    Oh, we have some 'baby whisperers' here! :laugh: :thumbsup:
     
  14. DiamondLady

    DiamondLady New Member

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    My oldest was walking at 9 months and, as I mentioned in an earlier post, was VERY strong-willed. A swat on his diapered back-side to get his attention did not harm him...he probably didn't even feel it, it was the noise of the diaper that got his attention more than anything. He never received a swat for a first time offense. It was when he continued returning time after time after time that it was necessary to enact stronger discipline. Example: He loved electrical outlets and light cords. I kept empty sockets filled with covers but we did have to have lamps and things plugged in and he thought it great fun to pull them out. After moving him away, telling him no, etc., over and over I finally swatted his behind. The plugs lost their appeal after that.

    I would never advocate bare-bottom spanking for a 9-month old, but there are circumstances where a little swat on the diaper brings results. If your child never needs that correction then you should count yourself very blessed and not condemn those whose children do need that extra correction.
     
  15. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    DiamondLady, thank you for taking the time to explain what you meant. Usually when I hear people talking about spanking babies, I recall the Pearl's book, To Train Up a Child, which tells parents to use a thin tube of plumbing to whip their children, starting from 6 months of age. I firmly believe this is abuse.

    A swat on a well-diapered bottom is something altogether different.
     
  16. DiamondLady

    DiamondLady New Member

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    I agree that plastic tubing on a baby's bare bottom is taking it much too far. The Pearl's have many good things to share, but they negate it with the things, like this, that are really far out there.
     
  17. menageriekeeper

    menageriekeeper Active Member

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    You know, I had one that was climbing by 6 months. I NEVER spanked her for it. Even when I stepped out of the room once and came back to find her sitting on the windowsill behind the couch. (we had WIDE windowsills in that house) There was no need. What was needed was better supervision on MY part. If I had been watching her close enough she wouldn't have had the chance. I already knew she could climb onto the couch, it just never dawned on me could climb up the much taller back. So I learned to pay closer attention and she learned where she could climb and we were both happy and no spanking, not even a diaper rattle was needed. Not that a 6 month old would have understood such anyhow. Get real people. Baby brains simply aren't mature enough to make the connection between good and bad behavior much less the connection between bad behavior and consequence. They have to learn there is a connection between falling and pain(or fear). If they haven't fully learned that lesson, how do expect them to understand why they are being spanked? All you are doing is teaching them to fear pain at your hand.
     
  18. Amy.G

    Amy.G New Member

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    Thank you for your post. I was afraid to chime in on this thread for fear of getting accused of child abuse. I too had a VERY strong willed child and at the age of 26 he still is but he has learned how to control himself.
    People who have raised very strong willed children often have struggled with a sense of failure. It's a hard road to walk. For my son, no amount or type of discipline seemed to work. He came into the world that way. When he had just turned 2 he looked me square in the eye one day, shook his finger at me and said "YOU don't tell ME what to do!" :eek: Yes, I tried everything! By the time he was a teenager, I prayed to God to do whatever it takes to teach him, just don't kill him. So I thank God for His protection and His teachings because I could never see that anything I did ever made a difference.
    Now that my son is grown and married, he has thanked me for my strictness and many times..tough love. And we are very close.
    For anyone who has not had to deal with a strong willed child, be veeeeeery thankful because it takes a toll on both child and family.
     
  19. Iconoclast

    Iconoclast Well-Known Member
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    No one here is advocating child abuse..the scripture tells us how to offer correction.....it says the rod of correction....not whips,chains, electric cords..

    the scripture does not give an age either way...but a child on the changing table ,trying to twist itself off, grabbing for the contents of the diaper so they can finger paint,directly rebelling against the parent...they are a candidate for a wrist shot or two....

    the goal is not abuse...but that the child willl learn early that direct rebellion against the God given authority receives consequences....just like sinners who remain in rebellion against God will certainly receive eternal consequences...

    if your toddler takes off running toward the street...you commmand him to stop...you want obedience...not the child looking over his shoulder ,laughing, and disobeying running in front of the speeding car coming down the road.
     
  20. DiamondLady

    DiamondLady New Member

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    My strong-willed son is now 33 and has thanked me many times for being the strict mom I was. Parents often times do not realize they do their child no favor by not being strict and meeting out discipline when it is warranted. Parents often times do not recognize the difference between punishment and discipline. There are times when a swat on the behind is much needed discipline. Those who are fortunate enough to have children who are compliant are so blessed. My son was curious from the day he was born and showed his little strong-willed self the first time those nurses placed those cuffs on his t-shirt over his hands. We literally watched him punch, twist, squirm and work until his hand was out of that pouch and back in his mouth. He was less than 1 day old.

    People with "normal" children have no idea how fortunate and blessed they are. I thank God every single day I made it through raising Derek. I never wanted a 2nd child....I was afraid the 2nd one would be as bad as the first. God blessed me with the perfect child in Drew. Thank you Jesus! I'm blessed in that they are both fine young men and good fathers. I know I did a good job every time I hear them say, "I love you, Mom."
     
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