Would God just give up on some christians?

I have a friend who I email with and who I talk to about problems which I have.
He had the idea of creating a list in a google document which we both can work on where I can write down problems and also solutions.
He pushed me to do this even though I was not convinced that this makes any sense. I know my problems well but for some there are no real solutions then where is the sense of writing them down? And even if there are solutions then writing them down doesn't mean that everything is fine and that I will attack one problem at a time and just do it. This may seem nice on a paper but real life is different. I'm no machine and I'm having a hard time to motivate myself and so on. There are days where I'm depressed and then I do nothing and waste my time. And now he became impatient with me and wrote me this:

> I meant that your lack of commitment and desire for true
> change truly evident. I am very close to just giving you up to satan
> because of this. And I feel that God often feels the same for you. If
> you aren't willing to completely commit yourself to God and the
> necessary changes to do that, I just can't see how he can ever
> accomplish a thing with you and through you when you constantly put up
> road blocks.

What if he is right and God wants to give up on me? :tear:

 

Hi!
I also thought about writing things down and setting goals for myself to motivate me because motivation and managing things is a huge problem for me. Very often I am simply too depressed and get nothing done and at the end of the day I'm even more depressed.
And having a nice list with all problems and solutions doesn't help me with the problem of then not doing what's on the list and there are also problems where there is no simple solution.

I feel miserable now where my friend told me this and the worst thing is never knowing if God is like this or not. This is also why I'm scared of going to church and having to submit to other christians because if a christian says something to me which scares me or depresses me then I can't tell if he is right or not and then I don't know if God would have said the same thing to me and then I also become scared of God, it's just terrible. One wrong word from a christian can totally drag me down and change my whole picture of God. I feel like if I expose myself to the wrong christians then I'm basically easy prey.

 

My friend wants me to keep working on this list and I don't know what else to write down anymore. To me this whole thing doesn't make sense. There are many things where I simply don't have simple solutions. If there were simple solutions I wouldn't even need a list because the problems would have been solved already.
He has the kind of thinking that I simply have to "fully commit" and live the "life which God wants me to live" and then he thinks everything will be fine and according to him this basically means:

-Having a church
-Having "fellowship"
-Having a mentor

And he seems to believe that if I have this then everything will fall into place. But I don't think it's that easy. Finding a church is already hard. Finding fellowship is even harder! I learned that among christians it's not much different than in the world. Just because you're a christian doesn't mean that other christians will be your friends. They will tolerate you or accept you but they won't necessarily be your friends.
And finding a "mentor" is something which seems absolutely unrealistic, I mean come on. I cannot believe that there are christians out there which have nothing better to do than playing the mentor for somebody else and even if there was somebody like this then he would also have to be a good mentor because having a mentor who teaches you nonsense is much worse than having no mentor at all! So basically the chance of finding a mentor who is also a sound teacher is virtually nonexistent in my opinion.

As for not having to submit to other christians...
What about the elders of a church? Do you not have to submit to them? Recently I listened to a sermon and the pastor said if a young man goes to college and lives away from home he has to find a church and then submit to the elders!
This totally repelled me. What if the elders are totally strange and then you're supposed to simply submit to a person only because she is an elder? That seems strange to me.
I don't know, maybe I really am a rebel, but as soon as I have to do something then I feel like I'm in a cage and I cannot stand this. No matter what it is when somebody tells me that I have to do something then I start to feel very uncomfortable. I don't think I could accept a christian over me as authority who tells me what to do.

I've been to a doctor in the past because of being depressed and he said I could try antidepressants but then I was too afraid to take them because of possible side effects. I just didn't dare to try it because they can also make you feel worse than before, at least in the beginning which is really scary. If my doctor had insisted on me taking it then it would have been easier for me, but he only said I could give it a try and then I wasn't courageous enough to do it.

My friend wrote me again and once again his email sounded scary. I don't know what he's talking about. I wonder if he's trying to scare me into submission. How can he say such things? He's not a prophet.

 

Hi everybody!

He (my friend) did it again! I don't know what is going on with him. He never used to do this but now he always tells me such things which scare me. I was just online and he messaged me on MSN and started to talking with me about an issue which totally upsets me. I didn't even want to talk about it, but he came up with this stuff. It was about muslims and Europe being taken over by muslims and this is such a delicate and serious issue because I am right here in Europe! I know what I am talking about. I see how blind the politicians are and how my country will be taken over by muslims it's only a matter of time. He only told me stuff like that it's good because now we have those people right in our countries and can evangelize them and so on. I do not share this optimism at all. I feel threatened by these foreigners which are multiplying so fast that they are basically swallowing us in a a few decades. This is scary! When I think about this then I become really angry. I don't know how to deal with this. Sure, Jesus talked about loving your enemies but I don't love them. When I feel threatened by someone then I can't love him. I don't know how to deal with this and I am also aware of the fact that my emotions are not christian but I can't help. And now he comes along telling me that we have to love them and have to have compassion and that what I say is vile and so on and he's only turning the knife in my wound. I already know this, but at the same time I can't help. I simply don't love these people. To me it's a riddle how one can love his enemies. How could Jesus do this? Was it maybe because he did not feel threatened by them because he knew that ultimatively God is in control? Is this the "key"? Or it this kind of love simply supernatural? But I don't have it and I can't simply say to myself that from now on I will just love everybody who I feel threatened by. This simply doesn't work. But other christians really seem to have this love which I don't have and I don't understand how they can act this way. I am aware of this and things like these are also why I doubt if I'm even a christian because I just don't have this love and the last thing which I need is someone who rubs this under my nose telling me know unchristian my feelings are.
I am simply upset and I don't know how life is supposed to be in 20 or 30 years. The country which I grew up in will not be the same anymore, in fact in a few decades I will be a foreigner in my country. This is hard to deal with but it's the sad reality.But he didn't believe me and made fun of it as if I'm talking nonsense. Anyway, and after telling me how unchristian I am he also told me this here:

Why does he do this? I asked him why he uses these manipulative tactics and he told me he doesn't know what I am talking about he said he only quotes the bible. Oh yeah. :BangHead:

 

Hi Ann,

maybe you're right. But this doesn't solve the problems. I mean those things are there, unfortunately. I really have a problem with love for my enemies but I don't know how to solve this. I really don't have a clue. But being aware of these things which I lack makes me feel bad and unchristian. It's always like this. I see what other christians have which I don't have and then I feel bad because of it.

 

But what does love for the enemies even mean?
Does it mean that you feel warm and fuzzy when you watch them or what does it mean? Does it mean you do not get angry at them?
I think first of all I have to know what kind of love this really is because if I expect something wrong then I also cannot know if I have it.

For example there are many psalms where David prays to God to destroy his enemies. Was David wrong when he asked for this?