Yes Sir, No Ma am

When I was a kid and my family moved from Alabama to New Jersey, I had a teacher in my Toms River middle school actually mock me for saying "Yes sir".

 

That's sad. When I had my conversation about the sir and ma'am I was surprised by the adults reactions. There was actually a string of conversations and I didn't see any turn-around in attitude after it was explained that sir and ma'am is the norm in some places.

 

I know for sure that it is not preferred in some places in the north. I don't recall ever hearing it when I was in Chicago. My wife has said she never heard it used in the northwest.

I personally don't think we should worry that much about it.

 

No, you didn't say "not preferred". You said "offensive".

Again, please state the place where it is considered offensive.

 

At the time, I worked in a restaurant, and I would sometimes say "sir" and "ma'am." Numerous times, I was corrected and asked not to say it. The only times I would hear it said were either in jest or sarcastically or in some way not indicative of respect.

 

In other words, you can't name the place where it's offensive.

 

Different things are offensive in different cultures. Saying it was offensive in Chicago does not mean it was completely offensive to everyone in Chicago, but it means that it is not as common and that more people do find it offensive than do in Texas, where I grew up.

I really don't know why it's that big of a deal.

 

You and ABCgrad are correct. It is culturally Southern but shows up elsewhere, as well. I grew up in West Tennessee, where it was often not "yes ma'am" but "yes-um." On rare occasions, for no ma'am," it came out "no'm."

 

But you said that there is a specific place where it was offensive. I'm asking you what the name of that place is.

Being uncommon is not the same as being offensive.

Because it's important. It's another way of showing manners that the left is trying to erase.

 

I do know of areas in the country where someone who continually makes up facts just because they want to sound "smart" is offensive and they tend to get lots of flack where ever they go. Most folks are smart enough to know that person doesn't know what is going on and is making stuff up or exaggerating.

This type of behavior seems to me to be more prevalent in the liberal thinking circles.

But back to the op. Where I grew up "sir" and "mam" were required and respect was required. Maybe, just maybe, in the areas of the country where this is not so, it is because respect and manners are not taught or expected.

 

I'm not the one to whom you asked this question, but I can answer it. It seems to be offensive in Ohio and New York. When I worked as a waitress while in high school, folks from those two states were very offended and downright rude if I said "sir" or "ma'am." In some parts of MI where I've been, it seems to be a reason to make fun of southerners as ignorant if you use those words. I was once even asked by a Buckeye (person from Ohio) if I was PAID by my employer to "talk that way" after I used the words y'all and sir and ma'am.

 

Chicago is that place. I know because I lived there and was told by a number of people that it sounded sarcastic and offensive. My wife had similar issues in the northwest. And it doesn't make them liberal. Liberal has nothing to do with it. I'm not a liberal, but I'm still respectful. In fact I try my best to show respect to people in ways that are meaningful in their particular culture.

And it's not that it's wrong not to say "ma'am" and "sir." There are plenty of differences culturally, like I pointed out earlier with the Hispanic culture. Those children WERE being respectful, just not in the way that I had been taught to do so.

 

I've been different places and experienced different reactions. I'm speaking from those experiences.

So people (liberal or conservative) in different cultures need to adopt a uniform custom of demonstrating respect? That's not practical nor is it necessary. Just as I highlighted with the hispanic students earlier, respect takes different forms depending on where you are.

 

I have been in various parts of the country many times in my life. I still say "sir" and "ma'am" and no one has ever acted offended at this. In fact, it is this respect and manners that have drawn many a compliment.

 

Chicago, huh? So then, when I was a kid and my family moved to Wilmette, I was offending people when I said "Yes/no sir" and "Yes/no ma'am"?

If that's really true, like you say it is, then two questions for you:

1. Why is it that all of my friend's parents (most of whom born and raised in the area and familiar with the local customs) taught their children to do something they knew was allegedly purposely offensive?

2. Why didn't any of the locals ever scold me for being offensive or correct my behavior?

 

I can't speak for New York, but I'm skeptical about your claim about Ohio. I'm pretty familiar with Ohio (particularly that area between Lancaster and Lexington, Ky) and that wasn't my experience at all.

To the contrary, I found very little differences between that area and the small Southern town I grew up in.

 

I still really don't know why you are so worried about this. It's just the experience I had in the west suburbs a few years ago. Maybe in the time since the years you grew up things have changed there. I really don't know.

But it's still my experience. It's not that if offended everyone, but not only did I not hear it said very much, some (not all) were offended by it.

Instead of getting so deep into different people's claims of experience with this colloquial and cultural expression.

Different people and cultures show respect in different ways. Instead of getting bent out of shape when people don't respond with the correct phrase, maybe we should look at their intent.

 

And some people and cultures show no respect.

 

Or they show it differently, as do the hispanic children I teach.

There are differences all over the country and the world. Instead of thinking everyone should either conform to our standards and adopt a colloquial phrase to show respect, or erroneously assuming they're being disrespectful because we don't recognize their customs as valid, maybe we should recognize their intent within their cultural context and stop worrying about it.

 

Or maybe we should quit trying to condone everything with the word "culture".