You are an elitist if:

Worried that you’re an elitist? Here’s how you can tell if you are.

You’re an elitist if you love “Brokeback Mountain,” but think that John Wayne movies are jingoistic expressions of outdated American machismo.

You’re an elitist if you worry that Sarah Palin hunts moose, but aren’t worried that Barack Obama wants to meet personally with dictators.

You’re an elitist if you thought Colin Powell was less “authentically black” than Barack Obama until Powell endorsed Obama.

You’re an elitist if you think that only bitter people unhappy with their lives cling to the Bible.

You’re an elitist if you quote the Book of Matthew to justify socialism, cite the Book of John to defend Bill Clinton, but write off the Book of Romans as “obscure,” or deride the Old Testament as a collection of antiquated messages about shellfish and animal sacrifices.

You’re an elitist if you think that President Bush is stupid because he says “nucular,” while Joe Biden is a genius even though he thinks the word “jobs” has three letters.

You’re an elitist if you think Joe the Plumber’s income and license status are more important than the question he asked Barack Obama.

You’re an elitist if you believe that anyone who supports the standard of a married man and woman raising a child is a bigot.

You’re an elitist if you think Bill Ayers is just a professor of English.

You’re an elitist if you believe Bill Maher’s new movie, “Religulous,” accurately depicts religious Christians and Jews.

You’re an elitist if you love watching soccer and you’re not a recent immigrant.

You’re an elitist if you declare that no one’s patriotism ought to be challenged—unless they’re questioning why they should pay higher taxes.

You’re an elitist if you think George Clooney is a great artist.

You’re an elitist if you think Sean Penn is a great diplomat.

You’re an elitist if you think Madonna is great at anything.

You’re an elitist if you think it’s unfair to question Barack Obama’s association with Jeremiah Wright, or if you think that Obama’s association with Wright is akin to his association with Tom Coburn.

You’re an elitist if you worship John F. Kennedy.

You’re an elitist if you’re excited at the prospect of government intervention in the banking system in the aftermath of the subprime meltdown.

You’re an elitist if you think Nixon/Reagan/Bush was the nation’s worst president but Jimmy Carter is the nation’s best ex-president.

You’re an elitist if you hate Whittaker Chambers but love Arthur Miller.

You’re an elitist if you believe Jon Stewart is non-partisan, but Fox News is an outlet for the Republican National Committee.

You’re an elitist if you don’t mind Sarah Silverman’s language but can’t stand James Dobson’s.

You’re an elitist if you worry what the Europeans think of us.

You’re an elitist if you think public school teachers are qualified to inform your children about sex, but parents aren’t qualified to teach their children basic math.

You’re an elitist if you think the government should manage the health care system even though it can’t manage to keep the tax code within a 10,000 page limit.

You’re an elitist if you think transgenders ought to have their own bathrooms for privacy reasons, but public distribution of pornography is fine.

You’re an elitist if you think that pro-life folks are fascists unmotivated by true sympathy for the unborn.

You’re an elitist if you know what arugula is but don’t know who Jimmie Johnson is.

You’re an elitist if your name is Barack Obama. Chances are that you’re an elitist if you support him and you aren’t being hired by ACORN to do so, too.


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