A Modern Bible Study - Let's lighten it up a bit!

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by AVBunyan, Aug 21, 2004.

  1. AVBunyan

    AVBunyan
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    Picture this:

    Elder Dim Whit, “Welcome everybody to the Truth of Truth Ministry’s weekly Bible study. Thanks for being here. I’m stoked. Our passage to study tonight is John 11:35 Jesus wept. Let’s see what we can learn from this passage. Who wants to go first?”

    Bob, “Well, my New English Common Vernacular version doesn’t read Jesus wept but that “Jesus groaned.”

    Mary, “Interesting, you know the Greek word there for wept is ‘awahuu’ – I got this from Nestle.”

    Bill, “Wow, profound!”

    Bob, “But my version, The “Newest English Super Common Version” says grunt.”

    Jack, “You mean Jesus grunted?!?!”

    Mike: “My new “Authentic Expository Rendition” matches Vaticanus! And didn’t they find this great manuscript in trash can in the Vatican library?

    AVBunyan: “Yes, they did – maybe they should have left it there.”

    Harry, “I have a Greek lexicon from the 4th century Syrian that says the word for wept is really, ‘awahooie’ which makes a major difference in the phrasing! Wow, I get so excited when I use the Greek – makes me feel, well, just enlightened like an angel of light!”

    Elder Dim Whit, “I can see this is going to be a very uplifting night. Nothing like some real dynamic equivalent renderings using the aros tense of the subjective superlative!”

    Bill, “Harry, where did you learn Greek?”

    Harry, “I don’t really know Greek I just read it in Zodiates book, “How to Master Greek in 30 Days.”

    Martha, “Well, I have a Greek lexicon from the 14th Century revision of the Lollard #3 and the word wept can also be translated moaned.”

    Martha, “You have to understand the trials and tribulations for the times for without this information you can’t enter into the emotional congatative condiveness of the sureality.”

    AV, “What am I missing here – we are only talking about two words.”

    Harry, “Hush, AV, you’ve got a bad attitude! What about all those poor people before 1611?”

    Elder Dim Whit, “Hush, AV you are not exhibiting the sweet spirit of the Christ here. Also, what about all those people in other countries who can’t even speak English?
    Now let’s get back to our Bible study. Who has some more nuggets on, Jesus wept?”

    Mr. Brilliant, “My new updated ‘Antioch Gratulative Retention Bible’ speaks of the word wept being in the past tense conjegative thus meaning that Jesus was weeping before he ever got there. This really touched my heart.”

    Mary, “Oh, I feel my life is now completely changed based upon that nugget – thanks Mr. Brilliant.”

    Mr. Brilliant, “By the way my new version is special for the translators of this great work translated it so there are no words with less than 9 letters long so as to bring out the most demonstrative and subjectivelatuative meaning of the words thus enabling me to get all that can be gotten from the most complicated renderings thus making me even more brilliant in the eyes of unenlightened believers.”

    Harry, “I still think we need to examine the different 3rd century renditions of the Greek word ‘awahooe’ so we can see how other Greek writers used the word so we can determine the most reliable and effective use of the word for the most authentic rendering of the verse thus pulling from it all the vast riches of this profound word ‘awahooe’.

    AV, “But how do you decide who is right?”

    Mike, “AV, you are so narrow-minded! How can you read a Bible with Easter in it anyway?”

    Nancy, “How do we even know John 11:35 was really in the originals?”

    Neal, “I found a scholar who read of a professor who talked with his gardener who knew an archeologists who was able to gaze upon the famous fragment P734075439.479 1/2 from the collection over in Dead Sea Visitor’s Center, oh I mean the ‘Dead Sea Museum of Ancient Artifacts’ and he says it is there.”

    Nancy, “Wow, could the archeologists read Greek?”

    Neal, “No, but the janitor could and he told him that P734075439.479 1/2 contained the verse as it stands in many of the modern versions.”

    Elder Dim Whit, “Well, that is great – I think we can call this Bible study a great success. Let’s meet next week so we can have some time to digest these great truths. Then we will be prepared to really dig into John 11:35 verse using all the modern tools and resources available.”

    Mary, “You are not coming next week are you AV?”

    AV, “No, I think I’ll just stay home and watch some Captain Kangaroo reruns, thank you for asking and for being so thoughtful.”
     
  2. Trotter

    Trotter
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    Saw this on another board.

    Just as lame then.

    Of course, this is how most KJVO's view scholarship. Having a total lack of it slants their view.

    In Christ,
    Trotter
     
  3. GrannyGumbo

    GrannyGumbo
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    VERY nice to meet ya! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  4. Charles Meadows

    Charles Meadows
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    Elder notsoDimwit: How do we know only the AV can be trusted?

    KJV Bob: Because that's the way I was brought up.

    Elder notsoDimwit: But we don't really have any proof that the Vaticanus manuscripts were altered. How do we know the KJB manuscripts didn't have additions?

    KJV Bob: If you were reading the bible with the guidance of the Holy Spirit you'd see the proof!

    Elder notsoDimwit: But there are lots of people who don't understand Elizabethan English - the NIV and NASB are more understandable.

    KJV Bob: Nonsense - everybody knows that if they try a person can understand it. I understand English real good.

    There's 2 sides to every discussion!! [​IMG] [​IMG] :D

    By the way your Greek tenses are pretty good!

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Orvie

    Orvie
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    James King says, "I love the King James Bible, for the translators were so learned and brilliant, and sold-out and ........"
    then he continues, "Those MV's, you just can't trust modern scholarship, why, they all be out in a conspiracy to change THE HOLY BIBLE:KJB" :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
  6. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards
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    [sarcasm]
    This ain't no KJV boo-boo, this hear is a
    test of your faith. If you don't understand
    it to be a test of your faith, then you FLUNK THE TEST.
    (PLease note that given such an apparent discrepancy
    in the KJV, it is not enough that you explain it
    JUST LIKE I DO, you must use the same exact
    words
    . Kan you digg it dude?)

    Here again is the logic (you just can't see this
    logic until you close your eyes tight):

    The KJB is one Bible
    God is One God
    They are the same.

    Xians of old listened to the Latin Vulgate for
    1,000 years but heard the KJB words proving
    the label true:
    CROCK OF AGES

    Ye Sinner!
    Look up to these Truth Twins of
    Circularity and live:

    The KJB is the perfect word of GOd!
    The Word of God is the perfect KJB!


    [​IMG]
    [/sarcasm]
     
  7. rsr

    rsr
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    Welcome to AVBunyan. Unfotunately, the REAL Bunyan used the Geneva.

    You would understand if only you understood.
     
  8. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards
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    Yes, i understand [​IMG]

    -ed, so independent i don't even talk
    to myself [​IMG]
     
  9. Major B

    Major B
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    Well, the Puritans did not like the MV of the 17th century, the KJV. They were GBOs (Geneva Bible Onlies). I don't think Bunyan ever used the KJV, but stuck to the GB.
     
  10. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
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    "Bunyan and AV" (Anglican Version) in the same sentence would make our dear Baptist brother roll in his grave. Have you no shame! :eek:

    Welcome AV lame-humor-poster, and try to do better next time! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  11. HankD

    HankD
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    BTW The Church of England had John Bunyan imprisoned for 12 years because he didn't have a license to preach and taught that only adult believers should be baptised.

    HankD
     
  12. Major B

    Major B
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    Yep, John Bunyan loved his Geneva Bible, no modern, baby-baptizing, Baptist-persecuting, arminian Bible for him.
     
  13. Ransom

    Ransom
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    Well, for the sake of fairness, the Puritans who translated it did believe in paedobaptism.
     
  14. HankD

    HankD
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    Hey nobody's perfect.

    HankD
     
  15. LRL71

    LRL71
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    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    ROFLOL!!!
    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    That was soooooo funny! Whatta gutbuster! [​IMG]
     
  16. Scott J

    Scott J
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    AVB, Have you ever attended a Bible study with multiple versions in use? I have. The KJV translators were right, a variety of translations does bring out the true sense of scripture.
     
  17. Craigbythesea

    Craigbythesea
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    Where did all these new KJOists come from? :( It’s too early in the year for fruitcake!
     
  18. NaasPreacher (C4K)

    NaasPreacher (C4K)
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    I think they all think that they are the one who will finally set us right. :rolleyes:
     
  19. HankD

    HankD
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    I suspect that a BB KJVO poster (I wonder who) asked for help from a KJVO posting board.

    HankD
     
  20. robycop3

    robycop3
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    KJVOnly: "Here we are, anudder church service where once again, we're gonna prove them nasty old new vershuns wrong; right I am on this. Appearing as a guest speeker for the new vershuns, I'd liketa welcome M.S.Alexandrian!"(applause!)

    K: So tell us, Mr. A...what new corrupt vershun have ya brung us today?"
    A:" The New King James version. It was made mostly from the same sources the KJV was."

    K. "MOSTLY, but not ENTARRLY, right? Then it's wrong."

    A: "How so?"

    K: "Cuz it aint the KJV!"

    A. "How does THAT make it corrupt?"

    K: "Cuz dis be MY church, I'se de preachman and I uses the KJV and I says dat NEW vershun is corrupt!"

    A: "thanx for explaining it so succintly. Now, I understand you have some difficulty on the symbol on the cover. Care to explain?"

    K: "Shore. It looks like da clover on playing cards...and we ALL knows how bad DEY are!"

    A: "So all clovers are bad?"

    K: "Dat aint whut ah said! Ah sez it LOOKS like that there clover in cards; DAT clover's black and REEL clover's GREEN. And da DEERS eats da GREEN clovers!"

    A: "Speaking of symbols: How do you explain MISTER SUN on the cover of the AV 1611?"

    K: "Why, datz EEZY! It wuz sponserd by dem people what makes SUNNY DELITE Mah kidz LUVS dat stuff!"

    A: "Wasnt the KJV made by ANGLICANS?"

    K: "Ah dont know if dey fished or not, but dey shore landed a BIG'UN with de KJV!"

    A: "Thank you for your ERUDITION..."

    K:(interrupting)"Why, youse welcome, Sunny! I likes dat air condishun mahself on dese hot Ahgust daze!"

    A: "Thank you. Now, what else is there about the NKJV you think is wrong?"

    K: "Verry simple, Mr.A...IT AINT THE KJV! Therefore it aint right! Bottum Line! Ya kin TRUST me on DIS'un cuz ah'm so brite mah mudder calls me SUN!"

    "Thanx fer bein' our GUEST today, Mr.A! We shore learnt a lot about dat newfangled phoney Bible today! And ah hopes YEW learnt sumpin also...why it's phoney as a left-handed nite craller worm."

    A: "Yes...this has indeed been enlightening..."
     

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