A Quick Way Around God's Will???

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Martin, Jan 28, 2007.

?

Do You Agree With My Concerns?

  1. Yes

    3 vote(s)
    42.9%
  2. No

    3 vote(s)
    42.9%
  3. I am not sure.

    1 vote(s)
    14.3%
  1. Martin

    Martin
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2005
    Messages:
    5,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    As a single Christian who likes to keep up with issues (in general) I am very interested in how single Christians are treated in the local church. Don't worry I am not starting "another" thread on that issue here (see pastoral ministries forum for my latest rant on that). In the past I have spoken out on statements made by Al Mohler, who I generally like but tend to disagree with somewhat on this issue, and other authors who have suggested that those who don't get married maybe living in disobedience. These good people suggest that unless one is going to be living over seas as a missionary, is physically disabled, or simply has zero desire for marriage (etc) they should be married. These folks often blame Christian men for the large number of single Christian women. I believe one even went so far as to say that single Christian men were going to be held accountable for the many single Christian women who wanted to marry but could never find anyone to marry. I think we beat that issue to death here some months ago and it is not my desire to repeat that debate now. What I want to focus on here is another, but related, issue. It seems that everytime I turn around Christian singles, and non Christian singles, are being stormed with online dating advertisements. From adds promoting match.com to eharmony.com it seems that no Christian website for singles is without those adds. Not only that some churches, including my old church, use some of Neil Clark Warren's materials in singles Sunday School classes.
    Now the fact that I am writing a post on this should tell you that I have concerns. So, let me list them out...

    1. Safety. While I suppose it can be argued that online dating is just as safe as meeting someone the old fashion way I still wonder if there is not a bit more risk involved. After all online there is no way to verify that the person is who, or what, they are claiming to be. There are many tragic examples of people who thought they had found Mr Right online to end up being raped and/or murdered. While such dangers can be guarded against through common-sense precautions I am not sure that such precautions does away with the risk. When a person meets someone in person, through a friend, or at church, that person has some idea who they are dealing with. If your best friend sets you up with someone you can, usually safely, assume that the person is not a axe murderer. However online I just don't see how such assurances can be gained.

    2. I am afraid that groups like eharmony are nothing more than money making schemes. While their programs may work for some people these companies are more than willing to continue taking over $20.00 per month from lonely people in the "hope" that they will find "true love". I am worried that this maybe taking advantage of people who are lonely. So I wonder if we, as Christians, should be promoting these groups.

    3. Another concern I have is that these groups may promote easy dates. What do I mean? I mean people who lead someone on with no real intention of going anywhere. Sure this can happen in person and I suppose online dating does not raise the risk of a person falling victim to this that much. However it is much easier for someone to lead someone along online than it is in person.

    4. My second major concern, behind safety, is where people are focused. I wonder if these online dating groups feed people's desperations and cause them to become more focused on what they "don't" have then what they do have. I wonder if these groups allow people to become so focused on what they think they want and not to be focused on what God wants for them. Maybe God does not want them married right now, maybe God has someone for them down the road, I don't know. However I am concerned that these groups enable people to try to find a way around God's will/plan, which maybe moving slower than that person desires, and as such will cause some to never reach God's best for them.

    Now I am not, and I repeat not, crashing anyone who has had success with these online groups. I know there are people who have and if they are happy I am glad for them. However my focus is on the singles, usually female, I see on a regular basis. They are lonely and they are looking for someone. My concern is that these groups maybe doing them more harm than good. After all what if, and this is a big what if, they try all these groups and nothing works. Then what? What about their self esteem? What about all the money they have spent? It just seems to me that the modern online dating craze needs to be re-examined.

    So, do you agree with my concerns? Am I just overly skeptical?
     
    #1 Martin, Jan 28, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2007
  2. DQuixote

    DQuixote
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    704
    Likes Received:
    0
    Martin, I'm just wondering why it is an issue for you, personally. If 20 people agree with you and 3 don't, then what? If 3 people agree with you and 20 don't, then what? As a result of the vote will you do something? Are we supposed to do something?

    What's the motivation behind the lengthy OP? Are folks circumventing God's will when they meet on the street, in a public park, at the beach, at church, school, university, in the military?

    :godisgood:
     
    #2 DQuixote, Jan 29, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2007
  3. Pipedude

    Pipedude
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,070
    Likes Received:
    0
    One may be skeptical without being overly so.

    Dating has always been a mine field. I guess that any method may be useful or dangerous. I know of a case where an online guy seemed to be the bees knees, endorsed by everybody from his pastor on down. But the girl finally crossed the continent (at his invitation) to visit him in his town and church and found out he was just jacking her around and wasn't serious. She went home crushed.

    Then there are the girls who think that they can find a decent guy at church, but one after another propositions them. Can searching online be any worse?

    As a tradesman, I'm in the homes of single (or resingled) women nearly every day. Sometimes in conversation they'll shake their heads and say something like "Y'know, there's a lot of strange men out there . . . " They didn't have to go online to find that out.

    I think that one can be actively searching for what he doesn't have while still being thankful for what he does have. The dating situation presents a temptation to skew priorities, but every other situation has its attendant temptations as well.
     
  4. PeterM

    PeterM
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2006
    Messages:
    485
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have never heard comments from Al Mohler on this subject. Regardless, who cares what Mohler says in either case.

    That said, I would rather be married than "burn." Everybody is different and is free to marry or not to marry and if EHarmony works for you... great!

    Hope the poll helps...
     
  5. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    Martin,

    as a woman Ive seen a great deal of naivete within my fellow ladies when it comes to online relationships........and Im talking just friendly fellowship even. The ladies I know tend to believe carte blance whatever is typed to them over the net. So yes, I see your concern.

    Much of it comes from the fact that when you are trustworthy you tend to assume that those around you are trustworthy also. I think the most you can do, Martin, is caution those around you to just be careful with online relationships. I think it would be very prudent to find out what church the other person goes to (in a dating scenario) and contact that church in person - preferably phone, not mail. Find out for real if that person has a good reputation.

    Even then, there's no guarantees........

    Oh for the good old days when we had matchmakers! :laugh:
     
  6. Martin

    Martin
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2005
    Messages:
    5,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    ==Truthfully? I had just seen an advert on tv for eharmony and it reminded me of all the things I don't like about how singles are treated in the modern church. That does not, of course, mean my concerns are not real. They are. I just want people to think about these things.

    Keep in mind it is just a short post on a discussion board, that took less than five minutes (or so) to type, not a book. :)
     
  7. Martin

    Martin
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2005
    Messages:
    5,228
    Likes Received:
    0
    ==I generally agree with this. People can be way too trusting in person and online. Either can get you into trouble but being too trusting online can get someone into serious trouble. I never assume that I know someone unless I meet them face-to-face and have known them for a period of time. I don't do "internet dating" nor do I try to meet people that I have talked to on this discussion board. In my judgment it is just too dangerous.

    In fact I would argue that people always need to be careful and avoid dangerous situations all together. For example: I know a guy who was at a gas station and had an elderly women ask him to help her put gas in her car. Being a nice guy he stopped what he was doing, walked over to help, and was attacked by her son. The whole thing was a set up. He was hit with the back of a gun and robbed of his money and credit cards at gunpoint. That happened several years ago and thankfully the two suspects were caught. I was reminded of this event late last week when an elderly man asked me for help at a local gas station. I helped him out but, you can be sure, I watched my back the entire time. Maybe I am too cautious at times but I would rather be too cautious then end up in the situation that friend of mine did.

    My point? In the modern world too much trust can get you into serious trouble. Online dating, in my opinion, adds a level of risk that a person just does not need to take.

    As for people who like to play matchmaker, well, I don't like it when people do that. I mean what happens when you meet the person and, to be nice, they just are not what you were lead to believe. How do you tell your friend who set you up that their friend is, well, not up to your standards? It can create a very weird situation. I never allow people to set me up with anyone. Bless them though, they keep trying...and I keep saying no. Persistent lot. :laugh:
     
    #7 Martin, Jan 30, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2007

Share This Page

Loading...