angry at God

Jim,

I'm going to Pm you. I think I can help.

God Bless

Seth3

 

Jimbo, may I ask you to share how to came to Jesus as Lord and Savior? What age, etc.

I'm very concerned that you don't feel God's love when He gave up His only son for your sins.

What healing do you need? You say you've tried things that haven't worked and you wanted to curse God.

PM me if you'd rather answer privately and if you don't care to answer, forgive me for asking. Meanwhile.... I AM praying for you, my brother.

Diane

 

Jimbo, I wrote this poem about 12 years ago after my first 3 years in the lord were mostly about being heartbroken and fearful in Him. Maybe you can relate and find comfort here.


My Name is Legion
"for we are many"


Legion so Lonely
Sad and depressed
Why find ye here
Insane and undressed?
See ye these stones
These are not bread
Why cut thyself among
Those who are dead?
What were you given?
What were you told?
That drove you alone
Away from the fold
Legion so tormented
What do you fear?
What kind of message
Came to your ears?
The False circumcision
Gave ye these stones
To cut thyself down
When ye were alone
Living in torment
Chained to the Letter
You broke your bonds
You cast off your fetters
Then the mercy of God
appeared unto thee
In fear you cried out
"do not torture me!"
Now you are washed
In your right mind
He commanded your thoughts
To go into the swine
Into the bank they
Rushed to their end
You found your release
Knowing Christ as your friend.


This man Legion is the closest person in scripture I could relate to in my earlier walk especially by the hands of other believers. I was given stones for bread. I was given opinions on the law verses the bread of life. I cut myself day and night under the law and under the curses of it being in torment as the Laws curses state. No rest day or night. Seeing Jesus as one who came to torment me before the "dreaded" appointed time. I was naked (without the garments of Christ (His righteousness=Linens in the tomb) The soundness of my mind was imagining all sorts of strange sights I was in turmoil in my soul. When Jesus came into me I saw Him as a torturer but He released me from THE LAW and clothed me in His garments and I was dressed and finaly in my right mind at last. Christ is a freind not a torturer but legion is an example of a mindset of MANY and their names are LEGION. If you are bearing this today I hope you will see Him as a freind and know that in scripture God has written of you and shows us that thats not what Christ is about. But scripture acknowledges that people percieve Him this way and I hope to give you the faith in His love which surpasses all knowledge. He came to Legion He'll come to you as well. I only hope this can help you see your not alone and I walked through it too (I remember how painful it was) but this too shall pass and He will bring you to the other side of this.


God Bless

Seth3

 

Jim, wow! Thanks for that post. It's good to hear someone being honest about their Christian life. Please don't feel alone in this, as you most certainly aren't.
The other day I posted this link: http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Depression.htm
Please do me a favor and read through it. There is a link at the bottom of the article that discusses suicical thoughts.
BTW, for some reason for me, God seems more real when I'm not trying so hard to see him. I think sometimes our own thoughts and fears and desires take up so much of our attention and energy it can leave little room for much else.
Gina

 

Amen GinaL It was humble and unpretentious and THAT is a blessing in itself. Let it all hang out and bring it into the open. I know its a relief. God knows our hearts anyway theres not a thing hidden there that He does not know about. If thats true theres no reason to keep it there. Were all made of clay Jim and being honest is where its at. I hear an honest and good heart yeilds lots of fruit. Thats a good thing to have.

God Bless

Seth3

 

Jimbo, I have been where you are and still struggle. My heart is broken for you.

Please Please Please do not give up.

And bless you for being so honest. That took REAL courage.

You can be sure that many who read this are concerned and are praying for you.

When you get through this and even as you are going thru it you may be a blessing to others in ways that you do not even realize right now. Do not give up.

 

Jim,

I believe your still learning of His love and that time after time when you think Hes left you because of something that you've done you will only find Grace abounding toward you.

John says, "little children know you are forgiven" God is not counting your sins against you. You are Justified by the blood of Christ.

Where you are at right now is a place I also was at where you are learning of Him and learning to put your trust in Him. Paul says nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Right now your walking according to your own understanding not His. This will change as you wash your mind in the knowledge of the truth and learn of Him. Its WONDERFUL and FREEING. So do continue in doing so and you will know the truth and the truth will set you fee (not bind you up). Thats pretty liberating to know right there now isnt it?

Does it happen tonight at midnight? No most likely not but realize the fear of the Lord is only the begining of wisdom (not the end) and perfect love casts out fear. If what God desires is that we walk in love. Theres no fear in love.

Its all about the Love of God in Christ Jesus. His gift, His Grace, His Faith, His love, His Joy, His peace He is all this in us.

Right now your working out (in your own understanding) your own salvation with fear and trembling (dont we all) but its not the end of the matter only the begining that is fearful. You will know His love that casts out your fear. Wash and renew your mind in the word that you may prove what is good and acceptable to the Lord and know by the building up of your faith that He is Love.


God Bless Jim your in my prayers

Seth3

 

Jimbo, may I suggest you read the replies of our different pastors on the board and find one you'd be comfortable 'speaking with'. You can then email them for more guidance. Even within our moderators, we have a number of loving pastors.

Your concerns are quite valid and I do think one of our wonderful Men of God can help answer your questions.

You asked: Do you think God still loves me even though I was so angry at him? I mean is it possible for God to abandon somebody and then not love this person anymore?

I say: Look at Psalms! David was a 'man after God's own heart' and yet he cried out in anger many times!

Diane

 

Jim,

Any time you need a freind feel free to knock on my door, I'll give you a dry shoulder to cry on without judging you ok?

God Bless your seeking heart

Seth3

 

Frederik,

maybe reading and meditating about Job can help as well.

 

You are welcome! Good luck!

 

Sometimes, JJ, God speaks to us through others He sends to show His love. May the Lord shine through those whom He sends to show you His love.

Sometimes waves of depression that come on without cause have a chemical cause - an imbalance of the natural chemicals that are involved with our thoughts and emotions. If that is the case for your situation, you might be able to get some relief from medical help.

If your emotions come at you like a steam roller flattening everything in their path and there is insufficient logical cause, you might consider talking this over with a doctor.

God provided the doctors and the medicines for us to use when appropriate.

 

Well, you know who to talk that over with!