angry at God

Discussion in 'Free-For-All Archives' started by JimboJones, Oct 24, 2004.

  1. JimboJones

    JimboJones
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    I feel so unloved and neglected. :(
    I have never felt God's love and I'm really an emtional wreck but other christians talk about how God makes them feel his love! This drags me down! I can pray and cry out to him but nothing happens! Why does he do this to me? I am so angry at God. There is simply no more trust.
    I have been disappointed so often, always when I tried something it never worked. :(
    I am so angry at him I just cannot help.In such moments I feel like freaking out and getting a nervous breakdown. I get so vicious thoughts about cursing God and paying him back. I dont even know if these are my thoughts or not. :(
    Why does God not heal me? I am such a wreck but still he doesn't help me. :(
    I really cannot handle it. When I hear from other christians how God made them feel his love then it hurts me so much. I am jealous, too. I feel like God loves them more than me.
    I cannot deal with this. Maybe it's because I have not gotten enough love in real life. I am simply searching for acceptance but I dont feel accepted at all. :(
    Other christians speak about how accepted and loved they feel and I dont. :(
    I dont even know God. I have no clue how he is and how he reacts. I have no clue wether he loves me or wether he is up there and really angry cause I am angry at him. I dont know anything. I have searched him at conferences and I have always been disappointed. I have tried so much stuff and it never worked but other christians know him and they hear his voice and I dont have anything. :(
    I really dont know how to go on.Yesterday I felt really terrible it scared me I even felt suicidal.Would God have allowed me to hurt myself? I dont think he would have done anything. :(
    This is not how I imagine a loving father.I really try to get over this but I am so disappointed with God, I dont trust him anymore. I have no more faith that he would help me. He allows me to suffer and does not help me.
     
  2. Seth3

    Seth3
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    Jim,

    I'm going to Pm you. I think I can help.

    God Bless

    Seth3
     
  3. JimboJones

    JimboJones
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    Hi Seth!
    Thanks for caring. I replied to your PM.
     
  4. dianetavegia

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    Jimbo, may I ask you to share how to came to Jesus as Lord and Savior? What age, etc.

    I'm very concerned that you don't feel God's love when He gave up His only son for your sins.

    What healing do you need? You say you've tried things that haven't worked and you wanted to curse God.

    PM me if you'd rather answer privately and if you don't care to answer, forgive me for asking. Meanwhile.... I AM praying for you, my brother.

    Diane
     
  5. Seth3

    Seth3
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    Jimbo, I wrote this poem about 12 years ago after my first 3 years in the lord were mostly about being heartbroken and fearful in Him. Maybe you can relate and find comfort here.


    My Name is Legion
    "for we are many"


    Legion so Lonely
    Sad and depressed
    Why find ye here
    Insane and undressed?
    See ye these stones
    These are not bread
    Why cut thyself among
    Those who are dead?
    What were you given?
    What were you told?
    That drove you alone
    Away from the fold
    Legion so tormented
    What do you fear?
    What kind of message
    Came to your ears?
    The False circumcision
    Gave ye these stones
    To cut thyself down
    When ye were alone
    Living in torment
    Chained to the Letter
    You broke your bonds
    You cast off your fetters
    Then the mercy of God
    appeared unto thee
    In fear you cried out
    "do not torture me!"
    Now you are washed
    In your right mind
    He commanded your thoughts
    To go into the swine
    Into the bank they
    Rushed to their end
    You found your release
    Knowing Christ as your friend.


    This man Legion is the closest person in scripture I could relate to in my earlier walk especially by the hands of other believers. I was given stones for bread. I was given opinions on the law verses the bread of life. I cut myself day and night under the law and under the curses of it being in torment as the Laws curses state. No rest day or night. Seeing Jesus as one who came to torment me before the "dreaded" appointed time. I was naked (without the garments of Christ (His righteousness=Linens in the tomb) The soundness of my mind was imagining all sorts of strange sights I was in turmoil in my soul. When Jesus came into me I saw Him as a torturer but He released me from THE LAW and clothed me in His garments and I was dressed and finaly in my right mind at last. Christ is a freind not a torturer but legion is an example of a mindset of MANY and their names are LEGION. If you are bearing this today I hope you will see Him as a freind and know that in scripture God has written of you and shows us that thats not what Christ is about. But scripture acknowledges that people percieve Him this way and I hope to give you the faith in His love which surpasses all knowledge. He came to Legion He'll come to you as well. I only hope this can help you see your not alone and I walked through it too (I remember how painful it was) but this too shall pass and He will bring you to the other side of this.


    God Bless

    Seth3
     
  6. Gina B

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    Jim, wow! Thanks for that post. It's good to hear someone being honest about their Christian life. Please don't feel alone in this, as you most certainly aren't.
    The other day I posted this link: http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Depression.htm
    Please do me a favor and read through it. There is a link at the bottom of the article that discusses suicical thoughts.
    BTW, for some reason for me, God seems more real when I'm not trying so hard to see him. I think sometimes our own thoughts and fears and desires take up so much of our attention and energy it can leave little room for much else.
    Gina
     
  7. Seth3

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    Amen GinaL It was humble and unpretentious and THAT is a blessing in itself. Let it all hang out and bring it into the open. I know its a relief. God knows our hearts anyway theres not a thing hidden there that He does not know about. If thats true theres no reason to keep it there. Were all made of clay Jim and being honest is where its at. I hear an honest and good heart yeilds lots of fruit. Thats a good thing to have.

    God Bless

    Seth3
     
  8. ralb

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    Jimbo, I have been where you are and still struggle. My heart is broken for you.

    Please Please Please do not give up.

    And bless you for being so honest. That took REAL courage.

    You can be sure that many who read this are concerned and are praying for you.

    When you get through this and even as you are going thru it you may be a blessing to others in ways that you do not even realize right now. Do not give up.
     
  9. JimboJones

    JimboJones
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    Thanks to everybody!
    My problem is simply that I feel neglected and I am also very jealous. When I get the impression God loves others more than me then I become really mad. I felt like God doesn't care about me and when I was so desparate and finally asked him wether he loves me and there was no reply I felt like that's it. I felt like this has to be the proof that he doesn't love me anymore. I thought that it's clear now that he has abandoned me. This felt really terrible.
    The problem is that I fall to what others tell me. There was a christian who said that God will reply if I ask him wether he loves me and I believed him and God did not reply and then I thought that he doesn't love me. You cannot imagine how often I have fallen to the advice of others which told me to do something and I did it and nothing happened and I got mad at God.
    I don't know why he didn't reply, I wish he had but I think he still loves me. It's simply hard to understand God. Sometimes I feel like God is so cold, he sits up there and watches me suffer and doesn't intervene, this is something I just cannot understand. I dont know what God knows but it's simply something which I would not do this way. I think like a human and I as a human would directly help somebody who suffers but God does it differently. This is hard for me. :(
    Many people tell me wee shall not look for feelings and this is true, I really learned something because of this. If I rely on feelings I will fall again and again. But on the other hand christians say they feel God's love and they say God's love healed them on the inside and then I look at myself again and become frustrated cause I also needed inner healing and I don't have it. I am simply scared of missing something. I feel like all the other christians are getting all these things from God and I get nothing. :(
    Do you think God still loves me even though I was so angry at him? I mean is it possible for God to abandon somebody and then not love this person anymore?
     
  10. Seth3

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    Jim,

    I believe your still learning of His love and that time after time when you think Hes left you because of something that you've done you will only find Grace abounding toward you.

    John says, "little children know you are forgiven" God is not counting your sins against you. You are Justified by the blood of Christ.

    Where you are at right now is a place I also was at where you are learning of Him and learning to put your trust in Him. Paul says nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Right now your walking according to your own understanding not His. This will change as you wash your mind in the knowledge of the truth and learn of Him. Its WONDERFUL and FREEING. So do continue in doing so and you will know the truth and the truth will set you fee (not bind you up). Thats pretty liberating to know right there now isnt it?

    Does it happen tonight at midnight? No most likely not but realize the fear of the Lord is only the begining of wisdom (not the end) and perfect love casts out fear. If what God desires is that we walk in love. Theres no fear in love.

    Its all about the Love of God in Christ Jesus. His gift, His Grace, His Faith, His love, His Joy, His peace He is all this in us.

    Right now your working out (in your own understanding) your own salvation with fear and trembling (dont we all) but its not the end of the matter only the begining that is fearful. You will know His love that casts out your fear. Wash and renew your mind in the word that you may prove what is good and acceptable to the Lord and know by the building up of your faith that He is Love.


    God Bless Jim your in my prayers

    Seth3
     
  11. JimboJones

    JimboJones
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    Thanks Seth.
     
  12. dianetavegia

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    Jimbo, may I suggest you read the replies of our different pastors on the board and find one you'd be comfortable 'speaking with'. You can then email them for more guidance. Even within our moderators, we have a number of loving pastors. [​IMG]

    Your concerns are quite valid and I do think one of our wonderful Men of God can help answer your questions.

    You asked: Do you think God still loves me even though I was so angry at him? I mean is it possible for God to abandon somebody and then not love this person anymore?

    I say: Look at Psalms! David was a 'man after God's own heart' and yet he cried out in anger many times!

    Diane
     
  13. Seth3

    Seth3
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    Jim,

    Any time you need a freind feel free to knock on my door, I'll give you a dry shoulder to cry on without judging you ok?

    God Bless your seeking heart

    Seth3
     
  14. JimboJones

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    Thank you all.
    I feel better now. I freak out from time to time and then I feel like God is my enemy and I become so messed up in my mind that I become so angry at him and feel like I'm a laboratory rat.

    Thanks for the offer Diane.
    I really feel better and at the moment I wouldn't know what to ask a pastor but if I should have any problems I will email them for advice, thanks. [​IMG]

    By the way JimboJones is not my real name. JimboJones is a character from the Simpsons. [​IMG]
    My name is Frederik.
     
  15. Janosik

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    Frederik,

    maybe reading and meditating about Job can help as well.
     
  16. JimboJones

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    Not a bad idea.Thanks Janosik. [​IMG]
     
  17. Janosik

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    You are welcome! Good luck! [​IMG]
     
  18. Paul of Eugene

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    Sometimes, JJ, God speaks to us through others He sends to show His love. May the Lord shine through those whom He sends to show you His love.

    Sometimes waves of depression that come on without cause have a chemical cause - an imbalance of the natural chemicals that are involved with our thoughts and emotions. If that is the case for your situation, you might be able to get some relief from medical help.

    If your emotions come at you like a steam roller flattening everything in their path and there is insufficient logical cause, you might consider talking this over with a doctor.

    God provided the doctors and the medicines for us to use when appropriate.
     
  19. JimboJones

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    Thanks Eugene.
    I am pretty convinced I have a lack of serotonine.The only thing I could do is take antidepressants and I don't know if this is a good idea. Many antidepressants also slow down the metabolism and make you become fat.
     
  20. Paul of Eugene

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    Well, you know who to talk that over with!
     

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