Today I listened to a sermon and the pastor said he once talked to somebody who said that in christianity it's all about believing. He knows that 2+2=4 but in christianity you only believe. The pastor said that this is wrong. And then he went on to say that everywhere in the bible we find certainty and assurance. He said some christians don't even know if they are a child of God, they're not sure about it. This reminded me of myself. I mean how do you know that you belong to God? Do you simply assume it because the bible says if you do this and this then you are saved or do you automatically get an inner assurance, something metaphysical. Something which is simply there and which shows you that you're saved? I don't know what these people mean when they say they know. This pastor was so assured and determined it was really adorable but at the same time it also dragged me down because I don't have this. I imagine that if you have this strong assurance then nothing can shake you anymore and then you're an effective tool for God, but if you don't have this determination and this assurance then you're more or less useless because you're constantly busy with your own faith and don't even have time to focus on other people. It's like somebody who wants to run but he's constantly worried that his shoelaces might come undone and instead of running he runs and then stops and looks at his shoelaces and then runs and then stops again and so on. This way it's impossible to really do something productive. I ask myself how he become so assured. This means that he could never get doubts since he's so absolutely sure. I mean when you know something then you cannot doubt it. Nobody would doubt something which he knows, right? But if faith equals knowing then this would mean that no christian could ever doubt God and if he ever did it then this proves that he doesn't even have faith because faith means that you know it. But is this really true? I think this is a very burdensome thought.