Bulletin Bloopers - Enjoy and pass on!

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by righteousdude2, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    Before you check these latest bloopers out ... do any of you have bloopers you or your church may have made at one time or another and would like to share? With all the experience culminated on this board, there must be some original bloopers.

    They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank goodness for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences have appeared in church bulletins or were
    announced at church services:

    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water’. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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    Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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    And this one just about sums them all up:
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
     
  2. HAMel

    HAMel
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    Not in any Church Bulletin but a cute story never-the-less.

    During a Show & Tell session in the first grade this little boy got up and said, "My daddy is a writer. He can take a pencil and paper and write a story and when he gets done he gets paid Five Hundred Dollars."

    The next little boy got up and said, "My daddy writes poetry. He can take a pencil and paper and write a poem and when he gets done he also gets paid Five Hundred Dollars."

    Then, this little girl gets up and says, "Well, my daddy is a Preacher. He can take a pencil and paper and write out a sermon and when he gets done it take Six Men To Collect Up All The Money." :tongue3:
     

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