Child molesters in church?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by reformedbeliever, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. reformedbeliever

    reformedbeliever
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    We recently found out our daughter had been molested by someone in our church. There has been a report filed with the police. When I called our pastor about this, all he had to say is "I'm sorry". I told him we could not return to church as long as the predator is there. He chose to keep this predator in our church and pretty much said "see you later". He didn't use those words, it was his lack of saying anything but "I'm sorry".
    What should we do, or what would you do? Should the church continue to welcome this person? Is the church a place for saints to come and worship and prepare for battle with the world? Do we bring the enemy in? Thanks in advance for your replies.
     
  2. 2BHizown

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    Go to the police and tell the whole story ASAP. This not only protects your rights, your child but also the future of other children as well!
     
  3. Salamander

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    The Church is to remain nuetral territory for all sinners alike.

    If this person is a member of your church, you should demand upon conviction of the crime for his person to be removed from the roll; this is called church discipline.

    If you want to allow the devil to have rule and reign over the situation, just quit going to this church, he is sure to be happy he got you out.

    I would also press the pastor to address the issue Biblically: you go to the offender first to make reconciliation. This could already be your attempt by filing a complaint and having him arrested.

    Next. Go to him with your pastor to make reconciliation. If neither of these two work, then it is the pastor's duty to the Church and to God to bring the person before the church for discipline.

    It is your duty as a Christian to seek reconciliation. I know this can be very hard and will take God!

    The opportunity to rescue a soul meant for hell is at stake, plus the perfect opportunity to make all others beware.:praying:

    If you will be sure to show everyone that your God is the Almighty and you have peace that nothing will offend you as to leave this church, God will certainly be Glorified!!!

    There are no "what if's" in the service of God, either He is all powerful and able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think, or we limit the Holy One of Israel.

    Give God a chance.:praise: :Fish: :praise:
     
  4. reformedbeliever

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    2bhisown... already reported. Salamander... this person is not a member but comes to church faithfully to find more young girls. Church disipline is for members. Are we to allow the enemy to stay in our camp? How about being in unity and protecting each other and our children? c'mon
     
  5. El_Guero

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    First,

    You have my prayers. I am taking everthing that you wrote at face value.

    Second, I am sorry and I am offended by what has happened. I cannot think of a more evil act than to attack a child in such a manner.

    Third, you need to contact a lawyer. There should be lawyers in the area that will provide a free first consultation. If you cannot find one, I can probably find one within the OKC or Tulsa areas.

    Fourth, as you are already aware, satan will come in the guise of 'caring Christians' with all sorts of evil. The protection of your family takes precedence over any fool's personal theology. You and your daughter will need professional counseling to diminish the damage that satan has ALREADY done to your family. DO NOT give in to 'quick' or even 'internet' advice. You will need GOOD and professional advice. Yes, I do prefer BIBLICAL counseling. But, whatever the counseling - it must be QUALITY in this matter.

    There are support groups - unfortunately I do not know any for molestation.

    Your pastor needs help. He has not been trained, and he has probably not thought about what to do in a situation like this. BUT, THE PREDATOR IS STILL IN HIS CHURCH.

    1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will become victims. The best defense is to get the children away from the predator. IMHO.

    As mentioned, you are in my prayers.
     
  6. El_Guero

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    PS

    Salamander's post bewilders me. I cannot imagine why a believer would side with a molestor rather than protecting children.

    Church discipline is for the Church. In an issue like this, the Church Body needs protection. Remember that whatever the Church does, the Church may face legal battles of its own. Whether or not the Church does act, the pastor and deacons should acting under the guidance of a Christian lawyer.
     
  7. reformedbeliever

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    Thank you sir for your prayers. They are desperately needed. I am protecting my daughter. I could not be around this predator, much less worship God in the presence of this person.
    Why do I need a lawyer? Just wondering. My daughter is in counseling with an SBC approved counselor. That is the first thing we did. I can't see how anyone could expect us to *stay* in this church in the presence of the molester who attacked our daughter. Wouldn't they protect their children and the children of others? We pray that something will be done about this. I have lost a lot of confidence in this pastor. He has not even called to see how we are doing.
     
  8. Tom Bryant

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    I am so sorry for what has happened to your daughter. You have done the right thing in getting her away. She must know that you are on her side and will do everything you can do to protect her.

    The Pastor must do everything to protect the rest of the children from this predator. If he allows this person to stay around, he is opening himself up for legal and civil penalties. He is also allowing an opportunity for the enemy to make people think he is also involved in this perversion.

    Love your daughter. Support her. Your first responsibility is not to seek reconciliation, your first responsibilty is to care for and protect your family.

    We are praying.
     
  9. Milady

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    Speaking as one who was molested by a "long-standing member of the Church", I have to say that Church discipline SHOULD happen to this man. Talk to him alone first. Then bring the deacons, if he will not hear you. Then involve the pastor. By that time, most of the church will probably keep their kids away from him.
    Also, in my own emotional experience, I wanted to get out of the church we were in. It caused problems between me and my dad that were never fully solved till I was 21. I felt that he did not protect me enough to get me out of there. See about church discipline, then let them know that whatever happens, you are about to leave anyways.
    I agree that Something has to be done. Check the laws in your state. A woman in my state has till she is 29 to file against someone who did that to her. Your daughter, if she is willing when she gets older, might just want to do that herself. And to testify herself. Encourage her to.
    I am praying for your Family.
    Milady
     
  10. Gina B

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    The person is disgusting, and so is your pastor for allowing that person to darken the doorway again.

    Don't even QUESTION whether this person should be allowed in. He/she should be in a prison cell. The pastor and anyone else involved who are knowingly allowing an active child molestor into their church after knowing the facts should be jailed not only for stupidity, but because they will bear partial responsibility for their lack of action in protecting the kids in their church.

    If they feel they must legally allow him/her there until he's proven guilty, they should announce from the pulpit that the accusation has been made and you should get up there and testify to it. Every single person in that church has the right to know and the people who know have the responsibility of making it known so that others can keep their kids safe.

    BTW, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Church is for believers, not unbelievers. That person didn't have any reason to be there in the first place.
     
  11. reformedbeliever

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    This person is a female who is predating upon other female children. My daughter was almost 12 when this happened. The predator was almost 16. That is the problem. I don't think the authorities will do anything about it because of them being the same sex and close in age. The age of consent in our state is 16. Any sex with anyone under that age is illegal. Homosexual sex is also illegal. I know of five other children this girl has at least pursued. All of them were from churches in our area. This girl is 17 and is a sexual predator! She recently almost killed one 14 yr old girl in her car. She rolled the car and this girl was ejected. She is critical and comatose at Parkland hospital. There was one other 14 yr old in the car with them, and others who were older. She is still predating upon younger children. We have prayed about this and no doubt we are just sick about it. We really don't want our child to have to go to court. Why should we sacrifice our daughter, especially when I don't even think the authorities will do anything. It has been over a month since we filed complaints with the police dept. They have not contacted us.
     
  12. Martin

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    ==The woman who molested your daughter is a predator and you should not return to that church while she is allowed to attend. If I were you I would find another church to attend in the short term, or maybe the long term. The pastor should have taken a much more active role in this matter (see 1Cor 5:1-13). I am very concerned about your pastors morally lazy attitude. You should also warn your friends (etc) who have daughters so they can protect their children.
     
  13. Karen

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    I am very sorry.

    You should seek professional legal advice.
    Please be aware that the police and D.A. would be involved with any criminal case against the girl. You won't have any control over what they do, although you certainly can contact them to see what is going on.
    But you need to investigate whether or not a CIVIL suit would be useful in this case.

    God bless you.

    Karen
     
  14. Dale-c

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    One thing that Christians have lost in recent years is praying for justice.

    It is doubtful if you will get justice from the courts that allow babies t o be murdered and that couples of the same sex can live together.

    We should first pray for the repentance of the girl that is responsible but if not we should pray for God's justice.
    God's justice could be rather harsh but it is important for the protecting of our families.
    I am not suggesting that you DO anything but pray that God will handle it and justice WILL be served.
     
  15. webdog

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    Reformedbeliever, I just prayed for you and your family, my heart goes out to you. :tear:

    I agree about going to the police and prosecuting this man. This man needs church discipline AND legally held responsible for his heinous act. Approach the leaders of your church (I hope there is more than just the pastor) and demand the church takes action. Bring another person with you. I wonder if the pastor has known about this behaviour from this person in the past, and has kept it quiet. I know that if I were the pastor and this situation presented itself to me, not only would I have a righteous anger against this person, but I know I would be held accountable, too.

    I wonder if the church and the pastor could be in trouble for doing nothing? A good, Christian attorney is not a bad idea.
     
  16. El_Guero

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    Reformed

    I would recommend a lawyer as well as a family counselor, because of the significantly different POV's (points of view) that you will experience (and have already experienced). Technically, if the charges cannot be substantiated, the aggressor has rights that might be enforced to the detriment of the victim (especially the family of the victim). In my understanding, this could be more of a problem for adults that are involved against the aggressor*.

    First and foremost - moving a victim away from the previous environment CAN BE harmful to the emotional health of the victim. Your Christian counselor has to be trusted some in this area. Briefly, your daughter is loosing friendships and their development because she has moved away from the aggressor - there are negative and positive issues involved here from a security and from an emotional stand point.

    Second, your liability was limited by approaching the pastoral staff. However, having a lawyer assist you and your family will empower you and your family as you deal with this issue. For example, she shows up at a football game that your daughter is at - what would be your best course of action. Or, she decides to date a friend's older sister/brother . . . or, how much should you push the legal system? And since she is a minor, how much negative commentary can you safely tell others in the community? The odds are that she did not become a predator upon her own. Most predators are made into predators by step-family members. The second greatest threats are usually family members. The third threat is usually from friends. The next may be our society at large.

    I pray that the legal system does produce justice in your case. Predators are dangerous.

    In Him,




    * as before, I am addressing this issue as if your facts are 100% accurate.
     
    #16 El_Guero, Jun 29, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2006
  17. jch-singer

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    I'm sorry for what you have went though :tear:
    I think you should take this before David Gibbs, he is with the Christian Law Association and might be able to help.
    If you send me a private message I'll get you the link to the Christian Law Association web site. I will be keeping you in my prayers.:praying:
     
  18. Salamander

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    Seems I missed that, and still do. I dont see where he even said the person is not a member of their church.

    The church is not for saints alone, it is a place for sinners to hear the Gospel, saints to be instructed how to live for Christ, and the place for all to worship God.
     
  19. pinoybaptist

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    A lot of what you are saying are easier said than done. I wonder what you would do if your child was molested ?

    My heart goes out to you, RB, and to your child. Do all you can to put him in jail, and find another church family if you can.

    I wouldn't want a pastor who sides with perverts.
     
  20. reformedbeliever

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    Hello El_Guero. First of all this girl has not hidden her sexual identity at all. She is "out of the closet". Why do I need an attorney? My daughter is the victim. I wish this girl had been "out of the closet" before this happened. My daughter would not have been put in a position for this to have happened. I don't understand why you say we need an attorney. We are not slandering this girl. It is well known in the small town we live in, what sexual identity this girl professes.
     

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