Consequences of no consequences

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by TexasSky, Nov 18, 2005.

  1. TexasSky

    TexasSky
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    If you are over 30 you've probably noticed the fact that sometime between when you were a child and every bad choice had a consequence, and today - consequences seemed to be swept away.

    I think this is a disservice to young people, and for that matter to adults too.

    You fail a test - don't worry. Just take it over.

    You turn a paper in late - don't worry. It will only cost you 10 points off the grade.

    I see this as a tremendous problem in society. It doesn't prepare young people for reality in the job market, and it doesn't prepare anyone for reality with God.

    I hear, more and more often, that if God is loving He'll just forget the one requiement to salvation and let everyone in.

    I think society fostered that ridiculous point of view.

    So - I'm wondering - how do you feel about setting boundaries and holding to them?

    Is it more kind to let a kid slide or is it more kind to be firm while they are young?
     
  2. Clean1

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    I know im a bit young for this but... I believe that it is more kind to be firm when they are young. It will teach them to be responsible and not late. If they go on in life thinking that they can just do something over because they did it wrong the first then their in for some disappointment. I had alot of chances to witness to people but i didn't do it. I can't go back in time and change what didn't do. On a job most the time if you do something wrong you can't fix. And your right about God letting everyone into Heaven. That goes completely against what God said in the Bible! So much for John 3:3. Why did Jesus have to die if God is going to let everybody in? There would be no point in a Hell or sin. Why... you fill in the rest.
     
  3. Rachel

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    We set boundaries and keep them, that seems like common sense to me.

    It's much kinder to be firm yet loving when they are young and experience consequences from the beginning. I get sick of the feeling of entitlement so many have now.
     
  4. Glory-to-God

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    It's the sign of the times....and it is only going to get worse :(

    This I feel is a product of what I was talking about on another thread....working mothers. Parents are not home to teach children right from wrong. They are left to strangers and institutions that hold to a wordly socialistic view...SELF MATTERS !

    Our day cares...public schools...and Government....all teach that it is all about ones " Self Esteem " not about others and what normally happens if you do wrong. Kids are taught that everything has to be " fair " well REAL LIFE is not fair...far from it.

    You are right it is better kids learn that their sins have consequences...and not everyone is a winner and to focus on others not just themselves. Parents who cater to their childs every wish ( common with parents who are divorced and full time working moms ) are not doing them a bit of service....but future HARM !

    Good OP post, Sharon

    [ November 18, 2005, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: Glory-to-God ]
     
  5. Johnv

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    I think this is probably a bit subjective (and I'm almost 10 years over 30). The examples you describe existed when I was a kid, and look how well I turned out [​IMG]

    If the boundary is already set at "10 points subtracted for everyday late" at the beginning, that's fine. If, howoever, it is a revision from "late = fail", then I see your point. But in all aspects that I've seen with my own kids, those rules existed from the beginnig of their class/assignment, so they knew them going in, and they rarely have changed after the fact.
    I'm all for establishing the guidelines at the beginning, and sticking to it. I'm not, however, in favor of "most severe rule in every situation" as a requirement for being firm.
     
  6. donnA

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    I'm seeing this even in families with stay home moms. Even christian parents are not firm enough many times, and give in too easily.
    I agree sin has consequences,and kids need to learn that. Which I believe is one reason society has taken away a lot of consequences, now people are raised to not feel responsable.
    Take that beating a pseeding ticket thread in another forum for instance.
     
  7. Glory-to-God

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    Donna you are right....but I was refeering to parents who give their kids lots of " stuff " to make up for their guilt for not being there. More prevelant in divorced parents and full time working moms.

    Sharon
     
  8. donnA

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    It doesn't take a divorced or working mom to give kids too much stuff. Theres something strange now a days, kids NEED everything,and they get it. Mine never did untill they were old enough to work and buy it themselves.
     
  9. Johnv

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    I'm a divorced parent (remarried now). I think the "dovirced parent giving stuff" stereotype is as inaccurate as the "dead beat dad" stereotype (the ratio of dead beat moms is considerably higher than deadbeat dads, in some areas, twice as high).

    I've known several divorced parents, and the number who "spoil" their kids is relatively few. In fact, the financial strain that divorce itself puts on parents tends to preclude the "gift showering".
     
  10. Filmproducer

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    I am a firm believer in setting limits for children and sticking to them. I saw, from personal experience, how being lax can mold a child's personality for the worse. From the time my son was born he had limitations and was generally well behaved. We never had a problem with him, and when he went to school his teachers would always comment on how polite and well mannered he was. When he was 7 my daughter was born. When she was 4 days old I was admitted to the hospital with life threatening complications. For the entire 2 months I was in the hospital my son stayed with his paternal grandmothers and aunt. He did not have to follow any guidelines, against our wishes. When I was released from the hospital I was in a lot of pain and could not walk without a walker. I continued to use the walker for the next 6 months, and William stayed with his grandmother almost every weekend. During this time William’s personality changed dramatically. We attributed it to the fact I was so sick, but even after things settled down he was different. His is still a good natured child, but I have to constantly fight to get him to complete the simplest of tasks. When I was so sick I let the bad habits he had picked up at grandma’s house continue, partly out of guilt, and partly out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. If I would tell him to clean his room, he would spend and hour or so in there and then come tell me it was clean. I would check it and he had cleaned nothing. So I gave him another chance, and another, and another. I felt so guilty because I could no longer be a “fun” mom, and he had gone through so much I didn’t want to spend all of our time together being “mean”. I knew this was wrong, and I still don’t know why I let it continue. It was not just his room, it was anything and everything. His teachers noticed the changes too. If anyone told him to do something he didn’t want to do he would not do it, and then lie about it. The only person he would obey was his father, and only if his father was home.

    Needless to say, it has taken me a year and a half, and I am still in the process of undoing all the damage that was done. He always had limits, but now they are strictly enforced. If he does not follow the guidelines he suffers the full consequences. Sometimes he feels we are being too hard on him, and that we are not being fair, but we have had to take this approach so that he knows we mean business. He is not even allowed to stay at grandma’s if she does not follow our rules. I know that it is harsh, but I feel it is the only course of action we can take. It took 8 months to undo everything he had been taught in seven years. We are still not at the point we were at before, but it is getting there. So yes, I am a firm believer in setting limitations and enforcing consequences in children. It is the only way they will learn.
     
  11. Brother Ian

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    Its all about standards.

    We cannot allow our society to raise our children or set the standards for them.
     
  12. Glory-to-God

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    You may be right...I am looking at the area I live in and what I see on tv. [​IMG]

    Sharon
     
  13. TexasSky

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    What is your personal hangup with working women? Now they don't discipline or set limits for their children?
     
  14. SAMPLEWOW

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    Well TexasSky I don't know about all that I don't think that in the school I'm in a person can just retest,but I do know what you saying this world is just out of control.
     
  15. angel face

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    its good to set boundaries when they are young

    so they can learn for when they get older,but if

    both parents dont agree on the terms then it

    doesnt work--let it be known that if you were

    brought up in the strict home and you think that

    bringing up your kids like that--impossible
     
  16. Dr. Bob

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    Angel - appreciate your comments, but this area is restricted for active members in baptist churches (about 1/2 of the BB is for "Baptist Only" and the other for "Other Christians")

    Thanks for not posting or changing your profile to show your church membership.

    Your neighbor up in Casper,
    Bob
     
  17. angel face

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    Dr Bob

    the reason i didnt put a church down was because the churches in our town are self absorbed they read out of the kjvo and i only read the niv we were going to first babtist church for 5 mos and everything was fine til my daughter accidentally got pregnant atan early age and since the pastor who knew the boy longer than he knew us purposely suggested that my daughter slept around because he asked the boy if he was sure it was his and i didnt agree with that i think that a pastor should be more closed about what he says and try to work by talking to both parties before he assumes anything that is why i didnt mention a church we are not currently going to church but we do home church on saturdays and sundays
     
  18. Rachel

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    Yeah, not every area has a good church to go to. It's a shame.
     
  19. Gina B

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    If this, the tone of your posts, the mocking misspelling of the word baptist, is how you treat people, maybe it's not the church you went to that has a problem, maybe it's you.

    Here's a suggestion.
    Discuss problems you might have and try to come to an understanding with people.

    If you can't do that, don't join a baptist board. I come here for fellowship, not to be mocked.
     
  20. bapmom

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    I think perhaps, Angel face, you have given us an example of where a good consequence was needed but unfortunately for now you've chosen a bad consequence. It sounds like your family NEEDS church right now, but instead you have taken them away from the place where they could be helped. The pastor's question to that boy was not out of place, it was quite appropriate as you said he knows the boy far better than he knows your girl.

    To me this shows kids that they can say something they did ON PURPOSE was just an accident, and their parents will excuse it and then become offended at the pastor who is trying to help out both parties.

    Id encourage you to go back to that church and get under some good gospel preaching. If you are staying home than you are NOT going to church. Church is a fellowship of believers in a local body, it is not just your family sitting at home having personal devotions. Please, let your daughter see a good example, and experience some of the consequences of her own actions. Her own actions are what caused the pastor to ask that question, and that is one of the consequences she must now deal with.

    I encourage you to forgive the pastor, especially since I do not see how he said anything wrong. And you need to get the anger out of your own heart, and do whats right for your child.
     

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