Could you offer a bit of Wisdom

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by quantumfaith, Jul 11, 2011.

  1. quantumfaith

    quantumfaith
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    I was notified last night by an elder in my church that a young couple in my neighborhood lost a 2 month old child to SIDS. The couple, both I understand, are not believers. I am seeking some wisdom as to how offer ministry, assistance and some form of comfort for their grief. Any words or insights of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I am planning to make a visit to the family this afternoon after I get off from work. Thank You in advance.
     
  2. Baptist boy

    Baptist boy
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    Perhaps talk to them about the story of how David lost his baby and how he handled it:

    2 Samuel 12:21-23
    21Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread.

    22And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?

    23But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
     
  3. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
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    Cry with them. Spend time listening to them. They will be dealing with guilt ("what did or didn't I do") and anger (towards God and some towards each other).

    The time for helping them see God's plan in this will come later, but right now they need someone who will love on them and cry with them.
     
  4. abcgrad94

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    Let them know you are praying for them and maybe give them a book or pamphlet about loss/grief. Let them know you care and are there if they have any needs or questions. I wouldn't use it as a time to "sermonize" about King David (unless they start asking questions) or get pushy about them coming to church. Right now what they need most is love and care without feeling like there's an "agenda" behind it.

    Also, the worst thing one can say right now to them is that it's okay because God will give them more children! Be careful about that, because it comes across that other children can "replace" this baby, and that will NOT help their grief right now. Sometimes well-meaning folks say really, really stupid/hurtful things in an effort to comfort. So, honestly, it's better to listen than to talk. If they do vent, don't condemn them if they question God, etc. Again, they need love at this time, not a big sermon. My advice for what it's worth, is to listen and love and let God take care of the rest. I hope God will use you to minister to their needs at this time. Will be praying.
     
  5. webdog

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    Tom hit the nail on the head.
     
  6. annsni

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    Listen to stories about the baby - his birth, his little life, etc. Listen to the parents. They are most likely in shock. Offer an ear and say as few words as possible. Pray with them. Also, don't overstay your welcome but give them your card and let them know that you are available for them any time they wish to talk.
     
  7. quantumfaith

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    Thank you ALL, so VERY much for the insight and suggestions. Please consider this in your prayers. May this "eventually" perhaps open a door and soften some hearts to be receptive to the REAL comforter.
     
  8. John Toppass

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    QF,

    At the time of this post you probably have already visited, but you have my prayers as I know you will probably come back feeling a burden and I pray for the young couple who might take you up on the offer of being there for them and this might result in their drawing by the Holy Spirit and acceptance of Jesus as their Saviour.
     
  9. Jkdbuck76

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    QF,

    When we lost our daughter, the Pastor was with us for 12 hours and didn't leave us until I politely told him to go home to his family, which he did.

    You might want to offer grief counseling later or direct them to a support group of people who have lost their babies.

    They need to know that they are ENTITLED to their grief. And sadly enough, they will grieve for the rest of their lives. It is the folks who put up a false front and say with a J--l Os---n fake grin on their face and say "My baby is up in heaven now and I'm NOT SAD ONE BIT OVER IT"....those are the pathological ones. Let them cry. Just be there for them. Pray for them.
     
  10. quantumfaith

    quantumfaith
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    Thank you very much gentlemen. The grief is obviously "deep", time and availability I think will be the order of day. Blessings.
     
  11. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    dont do what the Presbyterians did to me....tell the parents because they are not believers that their child is in hell & they put the child there because they arent believers....no no dont do that!

    But Dave if it comes up, where is the child today....of course in the arms of Christ right? The child gets the pass but I know as a parent that one day you will want to be with that child. Still these people are grieving so I dont have to tell you to be loving, and comforting. Go slow.
     
  12. quantumfaith

    quantumfaith
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    Thanks EWF, I would never do that, in fact, other than responding to their question, I would not broach that. Yes, I do believe that infants and young children are indeed covered by God's grace and Hesed.
     
  13. Earth Wind and Fire

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    Yes that would be disastrous.
     
  14. TomVols

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    Webdog hit the nail on the head when he said Tom hit the nail on the head :)

    Seriously, I'm a theology guy. My BA is in theology and I've done graduate seminars and lectured in theology. This is no time for a theology lecture. A friend of mine recently found out that he and his wife may never be able to have children. The platitudes have been numerous. "Remember Sarah...." as if my friends, both seminary graduates, hadn't thought of that. "Just pray about it....." Again, earth-shattering advice.

    What should be done in a situation like this? Cry with them. Make them a meal. I led a SS class to take up an offering to give a couple who'd recently been in the same situation as this couple to buy them a weekend at a nice hotel in Gatlinburg. Maybe that's a thought. In short, love them. Actions say what words can't.

    Grace and peace to you as you minister to them.
     

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