Culture and Marriage

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Shortandy, May 1, 2009.

  1. Shortandy

    Shortandy
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    Does our culture hate marriage?

    There is a couple at my church that is now engaged. They are both in their early 20's (22 and 23 I believe). After they announced their plans I overheard someone at church telling them to wait a few more years to get married because they still had school and other things to tend to.

    I remember hearing the same things when my wife and I were engaged. I was 23 and she was 20 when we got married. My wifes uncle said he would give me $2000 as a wedding gift if I could wait till his niece finished college. I told him I would rather have his niece. She was worth more than 2 grand to me.

    After comtemplating these attitudes I have to ask....

    Is this a scriptural attitude? I understand that in the freedom of Christ a person can be married whenever they want...we can't be legalistic and say, "at such and such an age you must be married."

    But is this attitude that school, or debt, or jobs come first marriage second a biblical attitude?

    I open this up for your thoughts.
     
  2. Thinkingstuff

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    I think that our culture is based on the ability to earn and that it is judged by the amount earned. Or, What kind of producer are you? Tradition forms of marriage and family are antiquitated in this society. Its commonly practice for both members of the Family to be income earners. Single income Families that have two adult parents are frowned upon by our society. However, Single income families with one parental figure is considered heroic. Also I find that families that have more that one child are also frowned upon. I only have 4 kids and people are saying what a large family I have! It is usually followed by "how can you afford them?" Because unlike the agrarian society of the bible children are considered a strain on resources rather than additional labor for better productivity.

    I don't think this attitude is biblical. American Christians have often forgotten the Christian discipline of self denial. Or of Sacrifice. Not all but many. The basis for the american way of Family is based on productivity or greed rather than a love for humanity. Soon you'll see couples at church advocate for living together to meet the cost of living. We are on a slippery slope with regard to family. Fortunatley, there are many americans living in areas where traditional values are practiced. However, they are becoming fewer.
     
  3. corndogggy

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    It's not that they hate marriage, they're just realists who know it's really hard for many people nowadays to get married young and have it last, especially if they're going to college, plus many people that age jump into relationships too fast. They think it's puppy love, the same feeling you get when you used to hear that two 15 year olds are planning on getting married, but our culture has expanded this age group out into the early 20's.
     
  4. donnA

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    I was 16 when I got married, still married too.
    Young people have no commitment today
     
  5. sag38

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    Most of the people I know who got married in their teens or early twenties are divorced. A few made it but they are the exception to the rule. Sometimes it is best to wait until one has a clear sense of who he or she is and is settled in what he or she wants out of life. I think it's called maturity and most teenages and young adults simply aren't there yet and able to handle a lasting relationship.
     
  6. blackbird

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    "Wait 'till you finish college!"

    "Wait 'till you have a good job!"

    "Wait 'till you can afford it!"

    I've heard this a million times---from Christians

    So sad when Christians become "repeaters" of what society preaches
     
  7. Pastor Larry

    Pastor Larry
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    It's not a matter of hating marriage but of wisdom. People who marry before they finish school are not likely to finish school. If they do, it will be a huge stress on their marriage and their relationship. Most people today in their late teens and early 20s have no idea what they want out of life. Making major life decisions may not be wise.

    Having a good job and being able to provide for your wife is also a necessity. Getting married based on two salaries is generally a bad idea, IMO. It is certainly not wise since kids will soon come along.

    So there is a lot of wisdom in waiting and many would benefit greatly benefit from waiting.
     
  8. donnA

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    Thanks for saying MOST, my husband was 21, and we did know what we wanted out of life, a life together, no matter what.
    But I agree with your statement
     
  9. donnA

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    What if you don't finish collage or don't go at all?
    What if you don't get what society calls a 'good job', but you have a job?
    What if according to cultural standards you can not afford to get married? how much money do you need to get married?
    I supose if you can't accomplish all these you just aren't getting married. Maybe God has no idea the real world, or maybe our culture has no idea about God.

    I don't see God putting these standards on people. Christians shouldn't either.
     
    #9 donnA, May 2, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2009
  10. Jeep Dragon

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    I agree with with you concerning wisdom in the matter and have two sides to the argument. I am annoyed with the idea that one must wait to get married as well as the idea that one must get married early.

    However, I do not pity some of my college friends who decided to get married a year or semester before they were to graduate because they "loved each other," then had a baby quickly, then dropped out of college, then got stuck in a dead-end, minimum-wage job and complain about how poor they are and how they do not have the time or money to go back to school.

    Some of my other friends who majored in Pastoral Ministries, would boast about their major as being "more spiritual" than my Computer Science major, claim that a Pastor needs to have a wife but a Computer Science person does not need a wife, impress a girl on his pastoral calling, get married, then work a minimum-wage factory job with no intentions of ever becoming a Pastor. I have seen this happen to several people.

    I have more respect for a man who does get married young, then goes to Bible school, graduates, and pursues a career as a pastor, but I get annoyed with the attitude in many of their testimonies. Most of the testimonies resemble...

    "we were a young, married couple at 18-years old. I decided I would go to Bible college and study for the pastorate. My wife stayed a house wife. I worked a full-time job and went to school full time! We were very poor, had no furniture in our trailer, and survived on only a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich each day."

    Although I'm proud of the people who can pull it off like that, sometimes I want to shout out "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?! You can't expect to get married before any college education, go to college, live on one income, support a family, and expect to live in the lap of luxury."

    There is nothing moral or immoral about getting married early or late other than personal motives and calling. However, people should count the costs regardless and determine if they are willing to endure either decision. I don't think there is anything spiritual about jumping into a decision and not caring about any future consequences.
     
  11. Pipedude

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    Folks have an overwhelming urge to advise young couples who are about to be married. Overwhelming. I heard so much "Oh, you just need to be patient and forgiving and ride out the rough times and blah blah" I finally got word throughout the family that they needed to lay off. To hear them talk, marriage was like Hell Week for the Navy SEALs, even though it was worth it.

    Then there were the businessman types who counseled, "Don't get married until you have $X in the bank!" None of us would have gotten married by that standard.

    Yeah, I was still in school, we were very poor, and the first baby arrived in twelve months. But we were as happy, or happier, then as now. The kids all turned out fine and we all still love one another.

    It wasn't because we waited until we were grown up and financially secure.
     
  12. John Toppass

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    People who do not finish college by a year or a semester and have to settle for a minimum wage job, probably were not going to do much better with the degree.

    Most college degrees are good for working for someone else. The majority of successful entrepreneurs did not complete college.

    Folks who are called into ministry are better off finishing college statistically speaking, but listening to God and following through with His will would be the best bet. No matter what other "wise" folks tell you.
     
  13. Shortandy

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    the responses have been great and thought prevoking...so thanks.

    In pondering this I have a few statements I would like to throw out there.

    First off I think we must ponder what we communicate indirectly. When we tell our sons and daughters to wait for a good job and finished degrees we are indirectly commnicating something...that educations and money are more valuable than a marriage. The reason for much marrital strife is money. No wonder some marriages end over finances...we place it over marriage before we are even married. And while I appreciate the thoughts about using wisdom, If find this to be an invalid argument. Sure finishing school and having a "good" job might prevent some stress but there will be other things waiting to take its place. If avoiding stress and strain is a valid reason for putting off marriage then none of us would be married.

    In a nut shell I feel that even in church culture our attitude about marriage is wrong. We teach our young people to "suck all the marrow" out of life then settle down. Now I understand why wives are called the "ball and chain." We teach young men to have all the fun they can then get married. Marriages today are not ending because of getting married young or finishing or not finishing degrees...they are are ending because we are not passing down a legacy where we greatly value marriage.

    Just my two cents.
     

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