Difficult advice?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by JamesL, Jun 21, 2014.

  1. JamesL

    JamesL
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    I am involved in trying to advise a young man, and find it to be a fairly difficult scenario. Let me explain.

    This young man is 20 years old, had been living with his girlfriend (at her parents' house), who he has a baby with.

    He has no job, no car, no high school diploma, etc, and no one he knows wants to support a freeloading 20 year old

    In short, his girlfriend's family has told him to either bring in a little money or hit the road. His mom told him the same, as did his dad.

    On Easter he came to our church, without girlfriend or baby, saying he had a great desire to know how to be saved. He was in tears - not because of anguish over sin or fear of hell, or desire to have eternal security, etc, but in tears because things weren't going well.

    So I shared with him that in order to be saved, he has to realize what he needs to be saved from. I explained sin and the eternal consequences of it, and the saving work of Christ on the cross, and that salvation is to the one who hopes in Christ for eternal life. He seemed to believe the gospel that day. I also told him that Christ is not a "this world only" Savior, in the sense that all his problems aren't going to go away just because he becomes a Christian.

    Since then he has moved to his aunt's house, which is about 35 minutes away. He has no ride to see his baby, which he desires greatly to do.

    I have been trying to help him by picking him up about every other weekend bringing him to his girlfriend's house to stay the weekend, then taking him back to his mom's house.

    So here's the conundrum. When he's at his girlfriend's house, he comes to church faithfully, I am able to take him to fill out job applications sometimes. Also, we are near a bus line, so I can give him a few dollars for bus fare. But, regardless of instruction to abstain from sleeping with his girlfriend, they do anyway.

    On the other hand, when he stays at his aunt's house, he has no Christian influence. I talk to him on the phone periodically, but he really just does whatever feels good. Not drugs or drinking, but just generally living for what makes him happy at the moment. He does not have the self motivation to beat the pavement to find a job, and has no direct, healthy, personal influence.

    So it appears there are two options:

    1) stay at his girlfriend's house and try to get a job (which they are ok with), be with his "family", come to church regularly, try to work toward marrying the girl - but knowing that he will be sleeping with his girlfriend while he's there (see 1Cor 6:13)

    2) stay at his aunt's house, rarely see his daughter, fumble around without any direction, not supporting his "family" financially - being regarded as worse than an unbeliever (see 1Tim 5:8)

    Is there an option I'm not seeing?
     
  2. Salty

    Salty
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    Is there a good church near his anuts house?
     
  3. SolaSaint

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    James it is awesome the way you are showing Christ's love for him. I will pray for the both of you.

    By the way where is Avondale?
     
  4. CarlandBeth

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    wonderful ministry

    What a wonderful ministry you have been given!!! I will be praying for the both of you...so exciting to be working with such a new believer.

    I personally believe that sanctification is a gradual process...we "grow" in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. If he is truly regenerated, he will come to understand that premarital relations is a sin, etc. In fact, he will continue to be convicted of all kinds of sin, and turn from that sin. I myself am continuously coming under conviction, and Praise the Lord for that!

    Again, Praise the Lord for this work He has given you!!!

    Beth
     
  5. JamesL

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    Avondale is just north of downtown Kansas City. Right behind North Kansas City Hospital.

    I appreciate the prayers, Rick


    Thanks, Beth. I know it's a process, but it strains me to think that no matter which way I advise him, there's no good way.


    Salty asked if there's a good church near him, and I could probably find one. First Baptist Church of Raytown is a fairly big church, with resources, but he could simply be a number shuffling in and out

    I'd hate to see him get abandoned
     
  6. Zaac

    Zaac
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    At about the point that you wrote the following

    I was gonna hope that you were't gonna say that. Do not take him to his girlfriend's house to stay the weekend. He's supposed to flee sexual immorality, not be delivered to its door.:smilewinkgrin:

    Check with your pastor. This is what the CHURCH is supposed to do. Some mature male in the church has to have some place this guy can stay so that he can be discipled. It costs to disciple people. Either the church wants to do the hard stuff or it doesn't but somebody has some room in which he can stay that keeps him out of the sexual situation of his girlfriend's house.
     
  7. preacher4truth

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    It's interesting that some expect the unregenerate and unconverted to live like they are born from above.
     
  8. evangelist6589

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    James I commend you for helping this man. I have had a similar experience before and my conclusion was that the man did not want help, just wanted to be lazy and live off others. I eventually had to let him go, while I did not desire it, it was the best thing as I dislike freeloaders. I mean if the freeloader was looking for a job that would be one thing, but he was not, and only wanted to live off me and not contribute. When I had to set some standards he accused me of not showing God's love, and such. Well he had to go, and I could not help someone that does not want to get helped.

    It appears this person you are trying to help is the same way. I hope not and I hope he changes. If not keep him in prayer.
     
    #8 evangelist6589, Jun 22, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2014
  9. evangelist6589

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    Can you at least try and show compassion on others?
     
  10. Van

    Van
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    Once I listened to a sermon about being the salt of the earth. The teacher said back in the day, they mixed salt with mature to make it burn hotter and longer. He then spoke of the church at Sardis, mentioned in Revelation, about how they had entered the culture to change it, but many got their garments soiled. Anytime we justify doing evil because it is the lesser of two evils, we are soiling are garments.
     
  11. Deacon

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    This isn't a problem that will be solved quickly.

    Both the young man and his girlfriend need rescuing from sin.

    I've been intimately acquainted with a situation similar to the one you describe.

    It may cost you time, finances, emotional energy; You could be hurt in the process – but if he comes finds the Lord, you have rescued a soul.

    You have a responsibility (to yourself and to God) to make the rules you consider acceptable.
    This may mean stretching yourself beyond what you have been comfortable with in the past.

    The young man has the responsibility to work within those rules or find his own way.

    Even if he's open to your terms, don't automatically presume his motives are pure.

    Rob
     
  12. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    Bingo::thumbs:
     
  13. Earth Wind and Fire

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    Dear brother Rob....the Holy Spirit plays a key roll here! W/o Him, you are just spinning your wheels & I know you know that. Maybe it is time for some serious prayer.
     
  14. preacher4truth

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    And where have I not shown compassion, for telling the truth?

    Telling the truth IS compassion.

    I commend the effort JamesL has given to help but the point is too many believers expect what I last stated.

    :thumbsup:
     
  15. Earth Wind and Fire

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    Yea...very true....and you cant sweep this under the rug either. Either the guy is one of the elect or he isn't.
     
  16. Yeshua1

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    He was, as Y thinkt ht he was pointing out that som eof the Christians expect those who do not know Jesus yet to fully live as if they do!
     
  17. Yeshua1

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    Indeed, for if he stated that the man was claiming to be saved, it would be a different response then what was given to us!
     
  18. Thousand Hills

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    As others have said, I commend you for working with this young man and pointing him to Christ.:thumbsup:

    Just some thoughts- With option #2 it would look like the distance would hopefully "motivate" him to get some work, and get back to the gf and his youngin. Is there a partner church in this other town where you could reach out to the Baptist Men's ministry (Brotherhood), etc. where someone could take him under their wing while he is there?
     
  19. thisnumbersdisconnected

    thisnumbersdisconnected
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    He can't help it. Like far too many on this board, he won't accept the biblical truth that people who genuinely desire Jesus are not "instantly righteous," nor that people struggle with their new faith unless someone comes alongside them, put their arm around them, as James is doing with the young man in question. They require time, good discipleship and most of all, the progressive sanctification of Christ.

    As to the OP, James...

    ... his aunt doesn't perhaps live out this direction, does she? I ask because we're about 35 minutes apart, so perhaps by the grace of God he's out here? If so, we can "double team" him, so to speak. Let me know.
     
  20. ShagNappy

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    :thumbsup:

    Do you have a couch or spare bedroom?
     

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