Divorce.... is it endorsement if you...?

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by dianetavegia, May 30, 2005.

  1. dianetavegia

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    If someone in your family was planning to divorce their spouse for a non Biblical reason, would you open your home to them or would that be an endorsement and enabling of an unbiblical divorce?

    Would that make you a party to their sin?
     
  2. rivers1222

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    Diane,
    Just for clarification. By "opening up your home to them", do you mean having them over for dinner, or letting them crash on your couch? Or both? Thanks
     
  3. dianetavegia

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    No. By someone in the family, I meant allowing a relative to move themselves and their children into your home, certainly not dinner, helping with babysitting, etc. and again, if the divorce was for NON Biblical reasons, such as 'we grew apart' or 'doesn't make me happy'.
     
  4. Gold Dragon

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    Maybe what they need to reconsider their view on marriage is someone who is willing to show grace and love even when they believe the other person is wrong.
     
  5. dianetavegia

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    And giving them an 'easy place' to go is not enabling sin? What are the children being taught?
     
  6. Gold Dragon

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    If you don't, someone else will. At least if they go to your place, you'll have a chance to encourage them to have a more biblical view of marriage.

    Not letting them stay at your place is being concerned about how you look to others. Letting them stay at your place is being concerned about them.
     
  7. dianetavegia

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    Seriously disagree! Divorce is sin and allowing someone to 'sin' while you seem to endorse that sin is an appearance of evil.

    If you're really concerned about them, would you not encourage them to seek counseling and work out their troubles instead of giving them an easy out?

    FYI: (Not a hit and run.... I've got to go start our meal for cookout but will be back this afternoon.)
     
  8. Pastor Larry

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    "Seems' seems to be the operative word. Are you really endorsing a divorce in such a case? Not necessarily.

    Yes, of course. Why is that mutually exclusive from helping them during this time? It seems you have set up a false dichotomy in saying "we can give them a place to live or we can encourage to the seek counseling and work out their troubles." Why not do both?
     
  9. Gold Dragon

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    How are you allowing them to sin? They will sin whether they stay at your place or not.
    Why are you so worried about what you seem to endorse, when you don't endorse it?
    And why would they listen to you when you won't even let them stay at your place?
    Hopefully you won't be giving them an easy out but a difficult one by staying at your place and being reminded daily of God's design for marriage.
     
  10. TexasSky

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    Diane,

    Are they the ones seeking the divorce?

    I remember years ago someone in a church I attended announced she "just couldn't stand her husband's indifference anymore," and announced she was going home to Mom and Pop. Pop said, "Over my dead body. That isn't how a Christian deals with this issue, you go home to your husband and talk or scream or get counseling, but you stop acting like a spoiled child. Marriage is not about making you feel good about yourself."

    On the flip side, had my ex-in-laws not allowed my ex to move in with them, I have no doubt he would have ended up with Kurt. Kurt was a coworker who cheated, drank - you name it, and if it was a sin, Kurt tried it. His parents made him take his meds, refused to allow alochol in their home and told him that he was going to find a church home if he was going to live in their house.
     
  11. Gold Dragon

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    If my relatives were going through this, I would allow them to stay at my place on the condition that they seek marriage counselling and make an effort to reconcile their marriage.
     
  12. dianetavegia

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    I like 'Pop's' answer!
    Our 30 year old relative (married 5 years this month) is planning on divorce. She and the children live 1,200 miles from here. Her reasoning for the divorce is one of those 'just not happy' reasons. Her husband lost his job a month ago and that's when this all surfaced. Were we to bring them here, there would be no chance for counseling and the husband is very against this divorce.

    This would be an 'easy out' because the children would be left for me to raise while the mother socialized, got involved in community theatre and etc. Remember, we legally adopted her first child.

    By allowing a woman, leaving her husband for no good reason to come and live in our home would be sending the message to our 10 year old and our church that we think divorce is okay when in fact, we are anti divorce except for a continued lifestyle of adultery.
     
  13. Gold Dragon

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    Misunderstood messages can be corrected. And the best way to do that would be make sure this is clear from the very beginning.
     
  14. dianetavegia

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    So put a sign in my front yard and an announcement in the church newspaper? I think not. This person is able to support herself financially and needs to grow up, like Pop said!

    I will not be party to any divorce unless it has Biblical grounds.
     
  15. Gold Dragon

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    I guess you've already made up your mind about this. I hope you can help this marriage stay together in some way and if you believe not letting them stay at your place will help that, then I hope you are right.
     
  16. Shiloh

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    an unbiblical divorce??? What is a "nonbiblical divorce"? Are you telling us that there is a Biblical divorce?
     
  17. TexasSky

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    I think she means divorce is wrong unless adultery is involved.
     
  18. Thankful

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    I would let my daughter or son live with me anytime and I would not care what message it sent to the church or community other than I love my children.

    Maybe this person just needs her "mom" for awhile.

    My Mother and Dad always said that they would not let us move back home after we were married and none of us tried, but I know that they would have let us on a temporary basis.

    Perhaps you could let this family stay with you for a few weeks. This would be a chance to play with the children. She may not be telling you the details of why she wants a separation or a divorce. She may just need her you.

    You could let her come for a specified time.

    Absence does make the heart grow fonder. She may just need to realize how special her marriage really is.

    I know you will make the right decision for your family.
     
  19. BillyMac

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    Diane I'd hate to think that you'd turn family away regardless of the conditions. There may be more there than you are being told about. I should think that showing love by opening your home to them would be the Christian charity thing to do. Also consider that not having them there underfoot means that conditions elsewhere for them might not be so safe or so loving. And they could not be instructed as well as to how to live a Christian life.

    If it's unbearable though, I can understand your concern. Perhaps you could see to it that the mother gets some Christian counseling while staying with you. An unbiased ear from a pastor of Christian counselor might be the thing.
     
  20. dianetavegia

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    Shiloh, I catch a lot of hatred for being totally anti divorce. The only reason I can find for divorce is an unrepentant lifestyle of adultery where the offender leaves and divorces the innocent spouse.

    This person watched Jim and I live a very strong and Biblical marriage (35 years this fall) so I don't know what else would change her mind.

    In this situation, no one has asked to 'come home'. There is no desire to leave the area where they live. This person would not live up to our rules in our home. My question is hypothetical under these circumstances.

    If we had enabled her, this daughter would have left her husband after 2 weeks of marriage. She was already 6 months pregnant by then.

    I know it sounds harsh, but a wife belongs with her husband. This husband (nor his family) want them to divorce and I think our not showing support for her decision will give her time for this thought to pass. Her hubby will find another job soon. It's only been a month and one day.I spoke with him today because it's our granddaughter's 2nd birthday and he said he's doing everything he can to win her back. [​IMG] His parents are heartbroken and are babysitting so she can have extra 'me' time, etc.

    Again, Shiloh, no divorce except in the case of a repeated and unrepentant lifestyle of adultery. If you do a search, you'll find how many people really attack me for this stance.
     

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