I have been enjoying a time of growth in my christian walk. Every sermon I heard taught me. My prayers felt right and good. Every word of the Bible was devoured with thirst. It seems like one day I woke up and it all went stale?? It happened right around my son's surgery...I prayed and prayed for him to live through it (and he did), but I also came to realize that even though I prayed for his life, God could have chosen for him to not survive, and I would have had to accept that as His will, and suffer. I also realized that a transformation to be like Christ in every way also includes suffering, and I am not willing to suffer through death of a loved one. I also came to realize that I don't trust to give over my son's disablilty to God. This surgery could potentially heal his developmental problems, but I don't think God will grant me that fabulous result, just beacuse I want it so much. Now, that said, I have repented of my newfound distrust and rebellion. I do wish to be like Christ, but I am scared to surrender all. He knows my fear. I know my shortcomings. I have asked him to change my heart. But my personal growth has stopped. My Bible time is stale. Ugh! I don't like it! If you were going through a stale time, where would you turn in your Bible to get strength and back to eating meat? I am struggling through the book of Isaiah right now, and it is not sticking very well.