Do you want your spouse to remarry, or how soon...

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by Pete Richert, Nov 15, 2004.

  1. Pete Richert

    Pete Richert
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    I've been married coming up on five years now and have a 3 year old and 9 month old. If I were to kick off my wife would get a pretty large chunk of change from life insurance and an even larger chunk of change from accidental death and dismemberment insurance (depending on the details of the Lord calling me home). But either way, she would need to get remarried to both provide a male figure in my daughters lives as well as support her for the long haul (even if the next 10-15 years would be easily covered). It is hard for me to imagine her failing in love with someone else, and I have made her promise not to love him as much as me [​IMG] , but it still seems like the best thing. But I have met couples recently who think the whole dating, remarriage, change process is bad and have promised NOT to remarry until the kids get older. So, I ask, what are all your thoughts on the matter?

    As an aside, if my wife were to die, not only would I still be able to support myself (since I am already the bread winner) but I would also recieve quite a bit of life insurance for any new daycare type costs. But I would also want a "mother" for my daughters (though no one could ever replace their real mama) but I find the prospect of meeting someone else and failing in love next to impossible. What affect will it have on my children if I am a single dad for the next twenty years?
     
  2. joyfulkeeperathome

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    I would want my husband to get married soon to provide a good stable atmosphere for my daughter. (But no sooner than six months...) If he were to remarry quickly it would be a good sign that he was happy with me and wants that hapiness to continue!!

    HTH
     
  3. donnA

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    I know I wouldn't. He is not replaceable. he says we wouldn't either.
     
  4. dianetavegia

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    No. I wouldn't want Jim to marry again. We've been married over 34 years. He's almost 58 and very set in his ways. He's quite used to me and our routine and I think it would be next to impossible for him to 'readjust' at this stage in our lives. He has many hobbies and we have grown children and Nick to keep him company and care for him when his health fails.

    Our situation is different because of Jim's many health concerns. He's not your typical 58 year old man.

    Diane
     
  5. blackbird

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    I told my wife that it would be ok---just let me spend the life insurance before he gets his greedy paws all over it!!
     
  6. russell55

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    I really think that this is one area where we don't have a right to dictate--or even make agreements with--our spouses. Once we die, the bond our spouse had with us, and our bond with them, is broken. They are no longer tied to it, and are free to act as they see fit, and I think its best to leave it at that. Give them your permission to do what they think best and don't say much more than that. The vow is till death do us part for good reason.
     
  7. bonniej

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    Pete, Why would you be thinking about this at this time in your life? You must be a young person and you need to be enjoying your family and not be worrying about the what if's. BUT since you asked, I will give you two scenios.
    I know of a couple who was young and they had two little girls. The youngest was just a few months old. They had been on vacation to see some of their family and were on their way home when the man's wife started to complain of a real bad headache. Evidently it got so bad he took her to a hospital. As it turned out she had a anurism and it wasn't but a few days at the most as I remember it that she died. of course everyone was devasted but before a year was up this dad was dating someone and I believe he married this lady who of course became the mother of these children. We moved away and since I really did not know them personally, I do not know what happened but as far as I know this lady loved the children as her own.
    Now on the other hand, in this day and age, you hear so many times, especially with mothers wanting a man in their life and needing the support financially and with the children will marry someone that turns out to be abusive in some kind of way. Thirty years ago, things were different, today you have to be very, very careful. My thought is to get your children to an age where they can take care of themselves and then find someone. If the world were in better shape, I would agree that you or your wife would need to find someone but as it is today, my sugestion would be to wait. Of course, we never know when God will bring someone into your life to supply the mother or father for your children and a help mate to you but I would be in deep prayer over it, should it happen. Let's hope it never does.
     
  8. Dr. Bob

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    Wife and I are both mid-50's and have talked about it as we are heading to 35th anniversary in June.

    We do love each other and find it hard to talk about such matters at this "late" stage in the game. Can't envision it coming up for Pete!

    I am dependent and probably would remarry. But have seen my wife's mother remarry and how very difficult it is. No blending families at that stage. I would do it for me.

    Wife said no. With my health being terminal, we have thought long and hard and she said that she would be content to be a "grandma" and travel and visit and invest her life with the kiddos. I believe she would.
     
  9. Dr. Bob

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    Fellow and wife talking about this subject.

    She: Would you remarry?

    He: Probably, but she could never replace you.

    She: Would you have her live in the same house as we did together?

    He: No. She could never replace you.

    She: Would she sleep in the same bed as we did together?

    He: No. She could never replace you.

    She: Would you let her have my personal things like my golf clubs?

    He: No. She's left-handed.
     
  10. Rich_UK

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  11. BillyMac

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    I cannot even imagine being without my wife of nearly 33 years. No woman could ever put up with the things that my wife has put up with from me. She is irreplacable, thus, I don't think I could find anyone to replace her.

    I nearly lost her 2 years ago when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. But now she is a survivor and all because of the healing grace of the Lord. I nearly died from panic whenever she was diagnosed in Dec 2002. I just cannot imagine being without her and don't want to try.
     
  12. BillyMac

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    OOPS!!! I guess I turned that around.....

    YES!, absolutely I would want her to remarry if she could find the right man. But over and above even that, I would want her to be happy and do what makes her happy. She is a jovial person who has never met anyone that she doesn't like or cannot get along with. I can't imagine her being without anyone by her side to love her and be loved by her.

    Afterall, I'll be in the arms of Jesus where I will have all of that love that passes all understanding. Why would I not want her to experience another love on earth??? She deserves to love and be loved after I am gone.
     
  13. donnA

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    I'm not sure I would feel secure if my husband thought I was replaceable, and just anyone else would do to take my place.
     
  14. bonniej

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    I have heard that divorce is worse than death, because there is more of a finality to death. I've lost a child to death but not a spouse but I have been divorced. Both were very hard as I had been married or 26 yrs. I was the one who left but out of self perservation. I remarried 4 yrs later and the difference is between night and day. I won't say my marriage now is perfect but if anything happened to me I would want him to find someone else. I don't think he would be happy without someone in his life. Some people would be content to be by themselves and some are not and I don't think he would be. He is a good man and he as BillyMac put it about his wife, deserves to be happy with someone who will be his helpmate and make him happy. My parents were married for over 60 yrs when my dad passed away last year. He and mother were always yan, yanning at each other but after he got sick several years ago, even though they still fussed at each other, when he died, it broke my mothers' heart and made her very angry that he died before she did as her health had been worse than his long before he got sick. He had been healthy and walked about 5 miles several times a week but when he turned 80 he had a staph infection in his brain which caused strokes and even though he did real well and kept his sense of humor, he had trouble with his balance and fell coming out of the choir loft at church and hit his head. He had a major bleed and after suffering for several months, he died at home with all of his family with him. Mothers' health has continued to decline and she was very angry in the beginning after he died but she knows that she will see him again and when she does both of them will be whole again. Isn't God so very good!
     
  15. Pete Richert

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    Trust me, Bonnie, I'm not worried about it. I'm still young enough to believe I'm immortal. And I agree with Russel that ultimatly my wife can do whatever she feels is best if I die. I have no way of knowing what circumstances God will bring into her life. But I don't think that means we shouldn't talk about it.
     
  16. bonniej

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    This is true and I didn't mean that we shouldn't. It's just usual for the young to talk about it. It's usually us older people that talk about it and think about it more. ;)
     
  17. Karen

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    Pete,
    I am very glad you have life insurance. Many wait till they are ill and older and then it is too expensive to get. But on the other hand, if your wife would "need" to remarry within 10-15 years just to get along financially, get down to a financial planning expert NOW and revise things while you are young, healthy, and it is more affordable.

    Karen
     
  18. MaryKay

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    My husband and I will be celebrating 40 years of marriage in a few months unless the Lord, for some reason calls us home.
    If I were to die first I would want him to remarry. I don't want him to be lonely.He is a very kind ,caring person and if he chose to remarry that lady would be very lucky.
    I on the other hand could not imagine being married to anyone else, but he would not mind at all if I did. Mk
     
  19. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    I would want my wife to be happy. We are married 27 years, adn if I were to die and the Lord brought the right man into her life I would be thrilled for her.
     
  20. Paul of Eugene

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    It's taken me 40 years to train my wife to the high level we've reached together and she would say the same.

    I've nothing against remarrying in principle after a spouse passes on but the actual effort required might make the point moot.
     

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