Dumb question about romance!

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Benjamin, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Benjamin

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    What is it??? :eek: I repeated this saying that I heard to my 15 year old that I thought was a wise bit of advice. It went something like, “You shouldn’t pursue a romantic relationship unless your intent is on marriage.”

    My daughter asked me to define romance in contrast to courting. Little help!
     
  2. amity

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    I'll bite. Romance has to do with emotions that are hormonally-induced. Courtship has to do with making wise decisions about the future.
     
  3. joycebuckner

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    Courting is the stage of getting to know each other with others always close by. Romance takes it to the next level. Kissing comes into play here. Coutship.........good for a while. Helps you to rest a while longer....lol:praying:
     
  4. amity

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    Is this a "Christian courtship" question? If so, I'm all for it.
    http://polynate.net/books/courtship/
    http://www.abcog.org/court.htm
    http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/7547/court.html
     
    #4 amity, Apr 16, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2007
  5. menageriekeeper

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    Used to be you courted to see if there was a possiblity of romance. Courtin' was no gaurentee the girl would say yes or the fella wouldn't change his mind.

    Nowdays we have interchanged what used to be called flirting with romance. Made something casual out of something that should be held sacred. Also nowdays "romance" is simply lust.
     
  6. saturneptune

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    Romance lasts forever with a marriage. If one is married 30 years, it is because both worked on the relationship every day, not setting it on auto pilot. This is the continuing work of romance in the Christian marriage to me.

    The other good thing is, if I ever do find myself single again, at my age, that before marriage romance stuff or whatever you call it now days would make no difference.
     
  7. amity

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    Is dating a good and godly thing, then?
     
  8. saturneptune

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    Dating is a healthy part of growing up in the Christian framework. How else are you ever going to get to know who God will lead you to for a life long marriage partner (or if it is even in His plan for you to be married). Call it what you want, courtship, dating, whatever, without Christ it is probably just lust, and as with anything in life, without Christ, there is no foundation or learning that you are building with God's guidance. There is really not much difference (except the physical) before and after marriage without Christ. They are built on either no or flimsy foundations without Him, and even if the marriage does survive, it will never have the richness of depth that a marriage in Christ does.

    I think a parent does a great disservice to a child by not letting him or her date within guidelines set by the parent as lead by the Lord. It is part of growing up, and to deny a child that experience, a parent has failed to guide that child to deal with a vital area of life. A parent is there not to just protect the child, but to help him or her grow in the nurture of the Lord.
     
  9. amity

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    If you wouldn't mind, please read the first of the three websites I posted above and then we can talk. I think these folks are on to something.
     
  10. Benjamin

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    Kissing maybe... but biting is taking it a bit too far. :laugh: :laugh:
     
  11. Benjamin

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    Yes this is in regards to Christian courting.

    My daughter is just horrified because I told her I was going to ask the people on the BB this question. :laugh: See she knows that I got this courting idea from here and she has had to explain to all her friends what “courting” means after she tells them she’s not allowed to date (when that starts) but only court. :laugh:

    Thanks for the sites.
     
  12. Benjamin

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    I agree with this and have done a lot of explaining these guidelines using a separation between dating and courting. Courting being with other people around, no going steady, a hug or kiss on the cheek like she would give her brother, jealousy would be a control problem, and I stress the need to meet and mingle with lots of people. We talk alot about avoiding temptations so a decision on if and when there should be kissing is still something I haven't completely worked out yet. Time is getting short though as she is a beautiful girl getting a lot of attention.
     
  13. amity

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    I think part of the diea of courting is that it begins with a "view toward marriage." IOW, when a young man asks a family for permission to court their daughter it is with the intention of marrying her.

    A girlfriend of mine's son was courting a young woman. We went to a 4-day meeting at a church in the next state and the girl met us there and stayed in the room with my friend and me. The courting contract with her family had stipulated that they should never be out of sight when they were together. On the way home the son and his "girlfriend" were allowed to drive back to Texas together in the same car, on the stipulation that we were to have them in sight at all times. That was the only time they ever had alone together. When they got married they kissed for the first time. They have five kids now and I believe they are genuinely happy together.
     
    #13 amity, Apr 16, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2007
  14. Benjamin

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    Yes, I think separating flirting and lust from romance is in definately in order. I agree romance should not at all be regarded as casual. Now I got to figure out when it comes to intent of marriage how should romance proceed.
     
  15. Benjamin

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    As these guy are coming up, mind you one after the other nowadays :rolleyes: , I tell my daughter if they want to start calling on a regular basis they have to talk to me about courting my daughter :laugh: this is just shocking to her friends as she relays the message, but to her credit she explains it well along with family values. So anyway, the intent of marriage is waaaay down the road, after college, but until then and in the meantime she will be socializing. What would you call this social contact if not courting?
     
  16. Benjamin

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    That is something we've talked about and I know she is considering it as we discuss about the sharing of these intimate kind of things being held special by only being shared with the person she marries.
     
  17. rbell

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    "Dating" is a modern Western cultural construct. Ancient near-Eastern courship rituals were also cultural constructs. There are aspects of the old that I would love to see brought back (the covenental basis of marriage being emphasized). Other aspects, I would not:
    • women as "property."
    • arranged marriages...in this day and age, that would be scary.
    • polygamy allowed (for men).
    Pitfalls of "dating" today (and our surrounding cultural conditions as well) that challenge youth and young adults:
    • Emphasis on the physical (i.e., physical expressions of affection).
    • Emphasis on physical attraction above other facets (beauty to the exclusion of other stuff; "hot or not" shallowness).
    • The oppotunities provided for intense yet shallow, overly-physical relationships.
    • In some settings, the promotion of "if you can't get a date there must be something wrong with you."
    • Events that are so strongly couples-only that those who don't date/can't date/can't get a date feel left out.
    • Many are allowed to get into this way too young.
    • Prolonged adolescence--earlier physical maturity, coupled with a delay in the average age of marriage--this is a more prolonged "window of temptation" than in previous generations.
    Many challenges exist. In many ways, our culture makes it difficult to remain pure and conduct one's self honorably and Godly with regards to the opposite sex. I'm not sure, however, if the answer is to return to Biblical era social constructs. No doubt that a return to Biblical principles and standards would be ideal. However, I do not believe that these two things are necessarily synonymous.
     
  18. Benjamin

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    I’m not sure either,

    The first site I looked at really seems to discourage getting to know multiple potential life-partners which I think necessary in order to understand people and find who one might be compatible with. He says:



    And he calls the act of dating “emotional promiscuity” saying dating is a new invention and only results in giving away a piece of your heart. Well, I would say cars are a new invention also but they are great at getting us to where we want to be! As for giving away your heart, I do stress guarding from such to include hormonal temptations and confusing lust with love and the need to take things slow and to grow within proper experience. He goes on to say:


    I don’t know what to say about this except it’s seems a sad look at the joys of married life and although I agree God’s purposes are primary I don’t see how this negates judgment to choose in a wise and pleasing way someone that is compatible.

    I’m way out of sync with his thoughts.

    I agree and think this is especially a serious challenge:

     
  19. ituttut

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    Right on menageriekeeper. I see Romance is a relationship between two lovers. Marriage is the continued relationship between two lovers, and this binding relationship began when the Romance began. That first time is it, and the knot has been tied. They are now One.

    My 2 cents to Benjamin. The saying you provided is very appropriate in your situation to your 15 year old daughter. To me courting is just fine as long as the girl and the boy use their heads, and their heads only, and never their body. Talk with the mouth, and the eyes, and if the boy wishes to kiss the girl, and she responds in kind, it is to be a short closed mouth kiss. I would warn her not to ever "tease" on a date, or she can find herself in real trouble, and never be the aggressor, until a pretty good spell after she is married. They's got trouble if she has to start something that early in a marriage. She will know when she finds the one, and it could very well be one that never "courted her".

    Good luck.
     
    #19 ituttut, Apr 17, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2007
  20. Salamander

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    Today's idea of dating involves contact between the two such as holding hands,kisses,etc.

    Courtship, in a godly manner, involves only eye contact and verbal exchange, (For married people, that means communicating!:laugh: ). Courtship is a trust between two individuals to refrain from anything considered sexual, usually enhanced by the trust of having responsible adults or older people with them.

    If a person truly wants to honour God they will court first. Romance involves more than casual communications and shouldn't be sought out until a seriousness towards holy matrimony is the expected outcome. But that romance should never involve sexual contact, not until they ARE married!
     

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