Enforcing Dress Code

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Thankful, Mar 26, 2003.

  1. Thankful

    Thankful
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    In another thread, one asked about dress codes.


    I am curious. If your church has a dress code,
    how do you enforce it?
     
  2. stubbornkelly

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    I'm curious, too. Would you put someone under church discipline for not following your dress code? :confused: Emphasis on "your."

    Or would you just ask them to leave until next week?

    Or keep several outfits in various sizes onhand, like they do with jackets at fancy schmancy restaurants? ;)
     
  3. Mike McK

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    There have only been three cases that I can think of where were we've had to do this.

    In one, a girl wore a catsuit that looked like it was painted on. One of the ladies suggested that maybe that wasn't the best thing to wear to church and the girl was a good sport about it and agreed that she shouldn't have worn it and didn't do it again.

    In another, another girl, (who was my girlfriend at the time) went with our church to Creation and was sunbathing in a pretty small bikini. I didn't have a problem with it, but somebody said something to her about it and she stopped.

    In the last, I was youth group leader and one of my kids, who often wore Metallica t-shirts, was asked to be an usher. We all just assumed that he would know (or, at least that his parents would tell him) that he wasn't supposed to wear a Metallica t-shirt with a picture of a decomposing corpse.

    I mentioned this to him and told him I'd give him a lift home before church started so he could change and his parents freaked. In fact, his dad was so upset that I had said something, that I think he was going to take a swing at me, had one of the deacons not stepped in.

    It was a real mess. He started screaming at the pastor at the top of his lungs withing earshot of everyone in the church. The family ended up leaving the church over something as stupid as a t-shirt.

    I was young then and I got really upset about it and started to step down but the pastor wouldn't let me.

    We saw them around town one afternoon and they wouldn't even talk to us.
     
  4. Preacher Nathan Knight

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    there would really be no dicipline at the time but that person, if a member, would be asked to dress more appropriately. no one would ever be asked to leave unless they were causing a distraction away from the service. if the person just blatanly disregarded the pastor's wishes or authority, i am not sure what my pastor would do. ill ask him tonight though, he is actually my grandfather and he is very old fashioned.so i dont know what he will say about it, but i will let yall know tomorrow.
     
  5. Thankful

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    Oh Mike, that is such a sad thing to happen anytime, but especially when you are young and learning.

    I would guess that that family wanted to leave the church anyway and this was a good excuse to make a dramatic exit.

    One of our very popular young boys, I believe he is about 16 now, was scheduled to sing at a morning service and he wore a suit and tie to church. Some of the youth teased him and I am afraid that the older adults embarrassed him by telling him how great he looked. He still dresses appropriately though.
     
  6. cwclugston

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    Mike,

    Incidents such as the third scenario you mentioned, are the main reason that I would not want to do youth work in this day and age. Parents don't give proper guidance to their kids and the moment someone else tries, reactions go anywhere from, "you shouldn't be so judgmental" to the hullabaloo that you experienced. It's a no-win situation for the adult who's trying to make a difference. If the guy in your third situaion hadn't made a scene right then and there in front of everyone, I doubt if you would have come out ahead in the deal. (If you want to read more, see the thread I started in the "Youth" forum.)

    Bill C.
     
  7. Mike McK

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    That's exactly what happened, thankful. That's why the pastor wouldn't let me quit over it. He took me aside and told me, without going into detail, that there had been problems with the father before.

    I don't always wear a tie on Sunday mornings and never on Sunday or Wednesday night, unless I'm participating in the service somehow. Then I do.
     
  8. Thankful

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    You know you are correct, Bill. A few months ago, there was a vacancy for a SS teacher for Senior High girls. I really thought and prayed about taking it, but these girls are my granddaughter's age and I decided that I might be too opinionated about their dress and behavior and that they would need a younger teacher.

    I can get by with it with my granddaughters because I know what their parents expect.
     
  9. cwclugston

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    Perhaps more of that needs to happen, Betty. If vacancies occur in SS and churches start having problems filling those vacancies because of discipline problems with the kids, maybe our church authorities will wake up and smell the coffee and do more to support SS teachers who are at their wits end. Parents want to have SS and other programs at church for their kids but don't want to deal with discipline problems with their kids when they arise.

    A friend of mine who attends another church always asks, "Where are the parents of these kids and why don't they pitch in? If the truth be known, the kids who cause the most trouble in SS are the ones who have parents who have never volunteered for SS or AWANA or any other kids or youth program.

    Bill C.
     
  10. Thankful

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    Fortunately, Bill, a lovely young woman volunteered to the teach the class. Our pastor believes that the Lord always sends people to fill the needs of our church and that does seem to be the case in our church.
     
  11. I Am Blessed 24

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    Before someone joins our youth group, they are advised of the dress code. If they show up to go on a trip in inappropriate clothing. They don't get on the bus.

    This may seem harsh but, I don't think so, they knew beforehand what would happen.

    JMO,
    Sue
     
  12. Gib

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    At our last "True Love Waits" service, we had the True Love Waits spokesperson come and talk to our church about their pledges. She was 17 years old and was dressed like a hoochie momma. Sprayed on dress, low cut front with plenty of cleavege, slit sides and no bra. Our youth minister's wife approached her and her mom and told her she was not presentable. Her mom said that she was proud of her daughters decision to wait for true love and what she was wearing had nothing to do with her testimony.

    She took the stage despite the heat. She slinked over the pulpit and played with her hair during her testimony. You should have seen all the youth boys. They did'nt want true love to wait.
     
  13. Ben W

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    Enforcing a dress code has one advantage, it cuts down on the people attending the meetings, ensuring good seats for the others. :rolleyes:

    Im sure that people who dress roughly could always go to another church that is Evangelical. [​IMG]
     
  14. Wisdom Seeker

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    The dress standards for people in ministry (service to the church) is detailed in a contract called a Leadership Agreement. Before that person is allowed to serve in that ministry they must agree to the standards therin with their signature.

    It's a condition...in order to do A, you must agree to do B. No one has to adhere to the dresscode or the other things in the Leadership Agreement, if they don't want to serve in the church. But if they want to serve in some capacity (and most members do) they are expected to adhere to the standards that they agreed to before starting.

    It's based on the honor system. If you gave your word to do something, you do it. If you no longer want to do it, you resign.

    There's no dress code for people who are not serving in ministry at my church.
     
  15. blackbird

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    Yes! Yes! There IS a dress code at our church--be careful, though! Its the only Southern Baptist church who will "check" ya at the door!!

    We keep an ample supply of clothes that fit our criteria--so, ladies! If you come to church inappropriately--my wife will escort you to the ladies dressin' room and there she will rumage through the cardboard box and come up with you something---!!!!!!!!!

    Laurenda!!! My, my! From the looks of your mug shot there--your husband "looks" like he's about my size in the chest----44 Regular jacket??? 38 in the waist?? 17 1/2 shirt size? 10 1/2 in the shoe?? So! See there! There's no excuse for you two to NOT visit ole Blackbird on any givin' Sunday!! Even if my jacket seems a bit loose on him--tell him don't worry--everybody is allowed to wear coats around here with an option of havin' it buttoned or go unbuttoned!! How about that!!??

    Glad you guys are still my friends!!
    Your Southern Baptist preachin', clothes checkin' at the door buddy!

    Blackbird
     
  16. Wisdom Seeker

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    Blackbird...what are you talking about eh? My husband is a 44 jacket ,You got that right, ...but he's a 32 waist. Thanks for the invite...you are always offering that southern hospitality aren't you?

    I'm sure you would be welcome at our church too, even in your coveralls...but please leave the guns at home. I don't think security or Pastors body guard would be too pleased if you brought them into the service...oh that's right...you don't bring them to church. (To tell you the truth...Pastor is a gun person too...so you would probably have a lot to talk about.) ;)

    [​IMG] Laurenda
     
  17. blackbird

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    I went out "skeet" shootin' with a deacon and his boys--in the rain!! It was cold, too! Anyway, I get home and told my wife--"I'd 'a done a whole lot better if I'd 'a had that Remington 870 12 gauge I've been naggin' ya about!!!!" No response from the wife, there!! I'd 'a thought that if I mentioned comin' in last place in the skeet shootin' contest that she'd run out that very day and would have bought me one of those things!!!

    On another thread--some dude "jumped" me when I started talkin' about those big 16 inch deck guns on the Battleship USS Alabama down in Mobile! I do believe that if I had to--I could figure out a way to load that baby and fire a few shots at those skeet---although the 870 would make a lot less noise!! And "Kicked" a whole lot less!!

    anyway, much talk about nothin'!! Have a good day!

    Blackbird
     
  18. Wisdom Seeker

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    I've always wanted to try skeet shooting. I understand that some cruise ships offer it. Hmmm, could kill two birds with one stone. I could take a cruise and try skeet shooting at the same time. hmmm [​IMG]

    Laurenda

    Went off topic...sorry. Hard to pass up a little conversation with my buddy blackbird though. ;)
     
  19. blackbird

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    Its so simple! Get Brother Wisdom Seeker to take ya on one of those Charles Stanley cruises or a Jerry Vines cruise--you can go to the Bahammas or to Alaska--it'll be your option!! I heard Dr. Vines say that they lock up all of the slot machines and junk like that during the Bible Cruise--but I can just about "bet" they'd let ya shoot a few skeet off the fantail!! The hard part is hittin' the skeet! The easy part is talkin' Brother Wisdom Seeker into takin' ya!

    Blackbird
     

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