extramarital cohabitation

Nope

 

What scare's me is that this is even a question. My girlfriend and I hold to very high standards, but the thought of living together I know would compramise both of our standards.

Brother Adam

 

In Atlanta the leasing/purchasing process does not involve getting a permission slip from the applicants' congregation.

I'm sure I've been in several congregations where there were people living together and had no idea. I've certainly done enough weddings for couples who were living together. How would the congregation know?

Joshua

 

Joshua,

It seems to me the question is about church discipline. If an unmarried couple were known to be living toghether should they be allowed to continue as church members or should they be disciplined?

I am interested in your view on this with regards to discipline.

My wife and I dated for four years before we were married, with a long breakup in the middle, and we never even considered living together.

Paul

 

The Bible is clear about marriage.

When men and women are weak and sin in this matter one of the things they do not think about is that this will effect their marriage when they do get married because there will always be a suspicion by one of the mates that if they were willing to sin with them why would they not be willing to commit adultery in the future. So the marriage
can be destroyed by distrust.

 

Should they be allowed to shack up? no.

Should the church forbid them from joining worship? no.

If we closed the door to every sinner, the church would be empty.

 

Amen to Scarlett and Johnv. Excellent posts. hrhma is also quite right.

Joshua, how BIG is that church that they would not know two of their members were 'shacking up'? Our church is fairly large, having between five and six hundred families, and we would certainly know pretty quickly what was going on!

I might also add that living together before marriage is one of the quickest ways to damage and possibly destroy the later marriage. Playing house does not get you ready for the real thing. Self-discipline helps a whole lot more; so does getting your spiritual priorities in order.

[ May 30, 2002, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: Helen ]

 

I also agree with Scarlet O. and Johnv.

I ahve a question on this subject though.
Unless the couple goes tot he church and says hey we're living together and not married, how does the church know whats going on in their home?

 

Hi Katie,

If you fellowship with others in your church, how can you NOT know? At least in our church, people are friendly with one another and have Bible studies together and picnics and church pot-lucks etc. etc. We know one another.

 

Helen
We're friendly too, but I don't know everyone personally, all about their lives or anything. Just becasue we're friendly doesn't mean I'm in confidence for their private lives. I'm sure no one shares just everything about themselves.

Scarlett O

I don't know the address of everyone in our church. For most I've never had to know.

1. Neither one wear wedding rings. (Not a dead give away by itself.)

Neither do we. We didn't have rings when we were married, my husband has always had a job that made wearing rings dangerous. My fingers swell and it makes it hard to wear rings. I have a wedding ring, but just rarely wear it. My husband keeps telling me to take it off, or we just may have to go and have it cut off.

2. I know of professioanl people who don't use the saem last name. Whether or not thir christiasn I don't know.

3. Not everyone has chirldren. And for some they may have come from a different marriage.

Particapting in gosip, by standing there listening.

A few, then only those few should know about it.

And how many people are there at your church? You know everything but a few of there secrets?
I can't believe either of you coming from a church of any size sits around and talks privately with everyone. You go home with every femily there, or eat out with them, or any fellowship apart from what you do in church. Everyone?

So how many of these points does a couple have to fail before you determine they are living together?

 

If a couple is shacking up and is keeping it clandestine, then that's their business and they'll be responsible to God, like all of us are for all our sins.

I regularly sin, and generally keep those between me and God. The sin of cohabitation is a sin, just as my exceeding the speed limit is. However, the congregation is probably more interested in peoples' sins of the flesh than they are sins of the vehicle code.

 

A known case ought to be dealt with according to the policy of the local church, which ought to be based on the Word of God. This on-going sin of fornication ought to not be named among the members of a scriptural church. If your church is a scriptural church, then the church ought to follow the pattern for church discipline as outlined throughout the New Testament. Mathew 18:15-17 and 1 Corinthians are just two examples of this. The couple should be encouraged to continue attending services and receive counsel, but it should be made clear that that they will be dropped from the churches membership until such a time that they are willing to live in obedience to God's word in this area. Yes, we should be even harder on gossips. The next time a gossip bends your ear ask them: Who have you been talking to? Now you've got a list of three (listening to gossip is equated to speaking it yourself).

 

pinoybaptist said:

Given our age's liberal views on such sensitive areas as marriage, sex, and homosexuality

"Our age" is not what determines what is permissible or not under God.

do you think a single man or woman in your church may be allowed to live under one roof with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend in a heterosexual relationship while unmarried ?

If the relationship is sexual (and I am assuming that is what you are asking about), then it is an illicit sexual relationship between two people not married to each other and is subject to the discipline of the church (cf. 1 Cor. 5).

I don't see why this is even a question.

 

This would be clearly a sin in older times when the State/Church were not separate. However, today the State says you're married when you start to live together. Therefore, it is not possible to live together outside of marriage in our Day and Age. No sin in the US. Romans 13 gives us that clear message that civil law is to be followed and obeyed.

 

post-it said:

This would be clearly a sin in older times when the State/Church were not separate. However, today the State says you're married when you start to live together.

Does this State still require that couples wishing to marry procure a license or have the banns of marriage published in their church (whatever the law is in your jurisdiction)? If so, there is still a distinction between a married couple, and a cohabiting one whose so-called "marriage" has not been solemnized by public ceremony and an exchange of vows.

Therefore, it is not possible to live together outside of marriage in our Day and Age. No sin in the US. Romans 13 gives us that clear message that civil law is to be followed and obeyed.

There is no law compelling people to cohabit and consider themselves "married." Therefore, I submit that it is still an illicit relationship unless the "marriage" is solemnized.