Favoritism and the "in" crowd in church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Sopranette, Apr 15, 2008.

  1. Sopranette

    Sopranette
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    How do you perceive favoritism and the "in" crowd in church? It seems like the ones who are more wealthy, the ones who have been attending the longest, and especially nepotism are the only ones who count. The rifraf are ignored. I'm tired and frustrated by this high school mentality, and to me it goes against scripture. I don't want to gossip abouit our situation, but I'm ready to change churches again. Is there a church that doesn't practice these things? Or am I just selfish and naive? Maybe this church is too big, in a small town. But I'm not getting younger, and there's so much I want to do in service, and can do. I have asked EVERY single week for something to do this year, and called with my concerns directly,too. I was basically blown off. Am I just not worthy enough? It seems to me there are things I can contribute to, so why the regection?AARRRGGG! It's so lukewarm, it's driving me nuts!

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  2. BaptistBarb

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    Sounds to me like you should seriously consider this answer.
     
  3. Sopranette

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    If it weren't for my children, I'd stop going to church altogether. DH doesn't care one way or another, and I'm just a benchwarmer Sunday mornings as it is. I sing all the time at home, more so than in church. It's an awful feeling being nothing at all in the service of God, and just being alone with nothing to do but chores all week in between?. Maybe I can find a church around here that could use me in some small way, and could minister to my family as well. Don't some Pastors get that? That there are people willing and capable of helping out? Or is it that I'm just not trustworthy enough, I have to have ten-twenty years under my belt before they decide I'm good enough? Four months (weekly) of asking to participate is really obvious to anyone else. And being totally dismissed just makes me resentful.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  4. BaptistBarb

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    Why do you need permission from someone to serve. Stop talking/complaining and start serving. Work in a homeless shelther or a clothes closet or a food pantry. Visit sick people and take them some goodies. Walk next door and share the gospel with a neighbor. Make goodie bags for the kids in church. Start helping with the children's ministry.

    There are thousands of ways to be of service. Stop blaming the church and the pastor and start doing something for the Lord.
     
  5. Sopranette

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    Some of these things I've already done, some of these things don't exist in our area. You're not getting the whole picture,

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  6. BaptistBarb

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    maybe someone else around here will give you the answers you are looking for.
     
  7. USN2Pulpit

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    Maybe you should find something that's not being done and just start doing it. Greeting at the front door perhaps, post-cards to absentees or first-time guests, going on visitation (which all pastors hope for volunteers), a ministry of encouragement to those who you know are working hard.

    These - and other tasks like them - are things that get very little credit publically, but bring immeasurable blessing upon the volunteer and the church. It may be that you want to serve in a particular way, but need to serve in an area outside your comfort zone...
     
  8. Sopranette

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    I must have done something wrong, to be ostracized this way.

    Sopranette
     
  9. Revmitchell

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    In order to know what you should do you need to know what God wants you to do. Prayer and fasting will go along way to accomplish this. Once this has been determined find out where you can accomplish Gods plan for you. If you aren't able to be used in the way God has set out for you at your current church then go where you can be used. In all of this be sure you and your husband are in unity.

    God Bless
     
  10. USN2Pulpit

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    Sopranette - it's not my intention to criticize, as another poster has done. I am simply trying to give you some ideas. It's my hope that I am a help rather than a hindrance.
     
  11. Jkdbuck76

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    Maybe it is a really small congregation?

    If the congregation grows, then there will be a power shift and those who used to be "in charge" find themselves on the out looking in. And since they're on the out looking in, they'll probably cause problems for the new people.

    There is supposed to be no favouritsm in church. You and all of us really need to pray for you, OP and your congregation.

    Power squabbles and jelousy only make us look bad and even worse, drags Jesus Christ's name thru the mud.
     
  12. Sopranette

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    I didn't read it at all that way, USN2Pulpit. You and RevMitchell have sent me on a direction to be considered.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  13. Sopranette

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    Actually it's a largish church, with well establishied congregation, and an old church, too . Maybe it's a case of too many cooks in the kitchen. I'm not perfect, but there are a few things I can do well, for the glory of God.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  14. donnA

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    Pretty harsh aren't you.You can not just go to church and blast your way into some ministry and start serving, it just doesn't work that way.
    You can however look for what isn't being done and see if it's something you want to do.
     
    #14 donnA, Apr 15, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2008
  15. annsni

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    Sopranette - Be available. If they announce something needing help, jump in. But the biggest thing is to pray first. If DH and I had our way when we first joined the church, we would have been involved in the youth ministry. But God had something else for us - the college ministry.

    How long have you been at the church?

    I've read your other posts and one of a few things could be going on (I'm not saying that these are, but these are the options that I can think of):

    1. The church is an unhealthy church. Favoritism and "cliques" are the norm. Anyone on the outside is kept on the outside.

    2. You've turned people off with pressing to help in things and they just don't want someone who's pushy.

    3. They see qualities in you that would deter them from allowing you in ministry.

    4. They don't know you well enough to be able to place you in a ministry.

    Not sure if there are any others but these are what's sitting in my head. Pray about which it is - and speak to the pastor to ask why you're not able to break into a ministry although you've tried.
     
  16. BaptistBarb

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    I did not want to sound harsh. My apologies if I did. The OP came across to me as whining and I say stop whining and start serving. There are things you can do to serve without having to "blast" into as you put it. Seems simple IMO.
     
  17. chuck2336

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    From the sound of your post it strikes me that you may have not been long at this church. Is this the case? I think you said somewhere something about askin for something to do every week for four months.

    Anyway if that is the case some churches hesitate to plug in new folks into ministry for a number of reasons. This may be just a case of doing your time until something comes open. I have been where you are and the best advice was to pray and keep praying, God will show you where and how He wants you to serve.
     
  18. North Carolina Tentmaker

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    NO NO NO!

    You have not done anything wrong!

    Unfortunately your church sounds a lot like mine. Actually it sounds like most churches I have visited or been a member of.

    The biggest problem where I live is the nepotism. If you are not related to one of the 'power families' of the church you will not be allowed to serve. This problem seems to me to be much more prevalent among women than men but that may be just my perception. My wife has fought these demons for years and is weary of it and not active in any of our church's ministries right now. We live in the mountains and it is very clanish. Often you need at least two generations in the community to be accepted.

    I served as interim pastor of a church one time who had their pastor die unexpectedly. A group of the church members wanted to deny him burial in the church cemetery because although he was their pastor he had only lived in the community for a few years and was not really 'one of us.'

    My experience is that talking to your pastor will be a waste of time. He is operating under the same power system you are fighting. Either he is part of the problem or he is not the real leadership force in the church. I suspect the latter.

    I wish I had better answers for you, but here is what has kept me sane (or close to it):

    1. BE YOURSELF! I put this first on purpose. Look you can read the power families in the church, figure out who the real decision makers are, join their mary kay club or quilting bee or whatever it is they do. Kiss up to the leaders, pretend to admire them so much for who they are and guess what, you will be allowed to serve, but you will loose your soul (and probably vomit) in the process. Don't do this. I have done this before, its not worth it.

    2. PRAY PRAY PRAY, ask God to send you opportunities for service, He will.

    3. BE AVAILABLE, somebody already said this, but it is true. When an opportunity arises, be there for it.

    4. Be open to new ideas, get out of your comfort zone and consider avenues of service you have never done before. Get out of the ministry box.

    5. Be open to opportunities outside your church or denomination. God is a lot bigger than your little church. None of the ministries I am active in right now are sponsored by the church where I am a member. That is not by choice. I have been available but they will not use me so I found other ministries that would. I am just not the kind that can sit around and do nothing, so I found something. This has even extended to my kids. They would not let my teen age son work at VBS last year. So he volunteered and worked at the Presbyterian church.
     
  19. tinytim

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    Soprannete... move to WV.. our church has some things done!!

    My impressions....

    If you haven't been there over a yr, sometimes the administration will bulk at allowing you to serve in an official capacity... they want you to prove yourself....

    or

    Maybe the Spirit is moving you to a church that needs you..

    Or...

    Here is an example of a ministry that has started here in this area...

    A guy was at walmart. He saw a woman that needed shoes... he spent $20 on shoes for her...

    He goes each week to different stores looking for people he can help...

    When his church found out about it, others in the church started giving him and his daughter money to help others with..

    They now go out, and find someone to bless.
    Each week they give away every cent that is given to them to the poor and elderly...

    He focuses on the poor
    His daughter focuses on the elderly...

    When they brought groceries to one elderly person's house, and put them away, their hearts broke... all this woman had in her fridge was a half bottle of water... nothing in her freezer...

    Soprannette, you are very talented.. I have seen it here on BB...
    use it... use your imagination!

    Ask God what he wants you to do!
     
  20. Sopranette

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    It's okay, Baptisbarb. I wanted to go to this church, because of the children, but even they don't want to go sometomtimes. They're are a lot of churchers in this area, so maybe the're a a lot of churchers arournd here, so maybe we can find one that suits us all. Hopefully, anyway. I love our Pastor, but it seems he doesn't care for us that much. That's all I have to say about that. DH and I have been discussing this for a couple of weeks now. A smaller church would be better for us, I think, something with a little more passion.

    love

    Sopranette
     

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