From dating to courtship

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by Dixie Girl, Apr 20, 2003.

  1. Dixie Girl

    Dixie Girl
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    Hello everyone! I haven't been on here for a while because we got rid of our computer, I have missed you all and the discussions :D I saw that there was a topic started about christian dating and I thought I would ask this question: has anyone ever dated and then courted? My church has always taught me that courtship is the way to go, but my parents never supported that..they wanted me to date. So after being homeschooled, I went to public school and dated. If I could go back I would and redo all of it, because now I feel like I gave my heart to this boy and I can't court now. I mean I know I can, but I feel like I will forever be thinking back on the guy I dated. I just wondered if any of you had ever been through this before.
    Dixie Girl [​IMG]
     
  2. Wygal

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    Hi, Dixie Girl. Could you tell me the difference between dating and courting? Obviously they are different, but I guess I'm too old, or don't get out enough or something, because I always thought the words meant the same thing, and that the older folks (older than me, even :D ) used the word 'courting' instead of dating. You got my curiosity up, and I'd like to understand. Thanks! [​IMG]
     
  3. blush

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    I don't know about Dixie Girl, but to me they're pretty much the same, except in my experience those who claim to be "courting" have been pretty snobby about it (like "oh, we're not dating [like you are]. we're courting.") To me, being involved with someone of the opposite sex exclusively and/or romantically is dating. Call it courting if you want, but no matter how you do it the intent is still the same, to see if this guy will work out for you. Courting just makes me think of nature documentaries where they use the phrase "courting rituals" and so every time I hear it I get a mental image of a couple of birds dancing around each other, flapping their wings, and going "AWWKK! AWWWWWKKKKK!!"
     
  4. Dixie Girl

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    Hello! Sorry I didn't explain earlier. Courtship is where the guy and girl are never left alone, and there is no physical contact. The guy basically asks the girls father for permission. In dating couples can go out alone. Courtship is said to prevent temptation and other things. Does this help? I hope so [​IMG]
    Dixie Girl [​IMG]
     
  5. Wygal

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    Thanks, Blush. I thought maybe it was a new thing, and I hadn't heard about it, or that some churches called it that. Didn't know, and was curious. ;)
     
  6. Wygal

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    Thanks, Dixie Girl. That helps a lot! So, there is a difference, for sure.
     
  7. Dixie Girl

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    That's okay [​IMG] Don't feel bad! I should have explained [​IMG]
     
  8. Thankful

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    I am curious. In courting, who are the chaperones? Are you talking about what we used to call double dating, when two couples go out together?

    I really thought courting and asking the father's permission was when the young man was interested in marriage.

    I think the younger generation must have placed different meanings on the words. I know when I dated, the boys had to ask my dad if it was okay if I went on dates with them. At least until I was 18, then I could make my own decisions about dating, but if one said they were courting me, then the intention back then was marriage.

    Please explain this a little more so that the older generations can understand.
     
  9. Su Wei

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  10. Thankful

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    Thanks for the site. It does explain that person's interpretation of dating and courtship.

    I would just sum it up with don't date or court
    someone that you would not marry, but how does one know that they want to marry someone if they do not date or court.

    I'm sorry I think someone has just decided to use "date" to mean prelude to sex or the same as having sex and I just don't see it that way.

    Just my opinion. I certainly do not get upset if one of my granddaughters say that they have a date, because I know that their parents have given permission and that they have been taught right and wrong in the relationships with boys.

    Sometimes the oldest goes out with a boy and tells me we are just friends, we are not dating.

    I think I would become upset if they said the boy was courting them because they are too young to get married. You see, it is a matter of interpretation of the words and probably the meaning in different locations and cultures.

    Actually, the way I have looked at it throughout my life is that a person dates first, then courts, then becomes engaged, then marries.

    I guess the site is correct about attitudes throughout generations because I think that my adult children probably have the same attitude that I have and it will be past down through their children.

    My teenage grandchildren have all made the true love waits pledge.

    If a person believes that dating is wrong, then I suppose it is wrong, but as I interpret it I do not see it as wrong.
     
  11. ChurchBoy

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    Dating and courting are not the same. The modern concept of dating has only being around since about 1900. In courting the goal is to get MARRIED. That is the sole purpose of courting. The purpose of dating is to get to know people and enjoy each other. Marriage may or may not be the ultimate goal. Sometimes people date just to have someone in their to call boyfriend or girlfriend with no intentions of marrying that person...
     
  12. stubbornkelly

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    How do you know if you even want to marry if you haven't done this part:

     
  13. ChurchBoy

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    You can get to know someone without dating. Dating sets up a certain mindset and pressure on people. They feel that if one dates then their realationship must follow a certain path. I have a good friend of mine. we have been friends for over 10 years. We have never dated and we have never even thought about it. But lately we have sensed a new closeness with each other. We may enter a courtship soon. We have been very close for a long time as a brother and sister in Christ. Because of this we have seen the best and worst in each other. We have been there for each other many times. Our relationship is built on faith, trust and a respect for each other. And all came about because we didn't date each other. I'm not saying dating is wrong but there are other ways to get to meet people...
     
  14. stubbornkelly

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    Did you and your friend ever go out someplace together, without other people there? That's a date. Maybe the two of you have not ever gone out someplace together without other people there, I don't know.

    Anyway, in my not so humble opinion, courting is more like engagement, or pre-engagement, if you'd rather. Dating is a tool used for getting to know people better, in order to decide if you want to even talk about marriage. For some of us older fogies, it's the only way to actually have the time necessary to get to know someone.

    I understand the whole thing of asking the girl's father, never being along together bit, but I think that's a tad (more than a tad) extreme for adults. For teens, too, but I'll stick with adults for now. But it seems that those things can be done in a dating relationship, too. It's just a different way of dating, and a different name.

    But let me ask this. I am currently seeing someone. We've known each other for years, since before his wife died. I was there for the birth of his daughter, who is now 7-1/2, to give you a better idea of how long we've known each other. We recently decided to try out a more romantic relationship. We see each other fairly often, but since we don't live near each other, we can't just decide to go out to dinner mid-week. We've talked about marriage, but we certainly aren't engaged. But it may happen. What are we doing?
     
  15. ChurchBoy

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    Stubbornkelley (I like your user name by the way :D )

    Yes, me and my friend have been places together alone (i.e. dinner, movie, prayer, etc). I do not consider these events dates. If you were to ask my friend she would definitely say she and I have never been out on a date. Perhaps if we defined the term "dating" for precisely, that would help. [​IMG]

    In your stiuation, I would guess you two are good friends. Do you consider it dating?
     
  16. Thankful

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    Now, I would consider this a date. [​IMG]


    What do you call it?
     
  17. stubbornkelly

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    Thanks! [​IMG]

    I tend to agree with Thankful on this, since you indicated romantic interest.

    I think you're right. [​IMG] Often, "dating" is used to define the type of relationship, rather than an activity. Technically, a date is any social appointment. I think we can narrow it down further, though, and say that a date is a social appointment with a romantic interest. For purposes of this discussion, anyway.

    We are good friends, maybe even best friends. [​IMG] And, yes, we are dating. There is a romantic interest, so based on what I wrote above, about the way I use the word "dating" and "date," we do, in fact, date. We're even bordering on being a couple.

    I've always objected to the use of the word "dating" as a relationship title or definition. "Dating" is an activity, not a relationship status.

    I think part of the issue is that "dating" has come to be synonymous (for some people) to serial monogamy or the bar scene, those sorts of things. And again, it's also used to describe a relationship's status (kinda like the "going steady" of yore). Yet, the word "courting" is also like the "going steady" idea. It's a pre-engagement. "Courting" couples go out on dates, and the time before they started courting is what most people would call dating (in the way it's used as a relationship status indicator).

    Eh. Anyway. Most of it is semantics. The only time I'm even bothered by it is when I hear things like blush was talking about, the "oh, we're not dating [like you are]. we're courting" stuff. [​IMG]
     
  18. Thankful

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    It bothers me when a person refers to dating as something bad or the appearance of evil. :(
     
  19. ChurchBoy

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    I agree with thankful. Dating itself is NOT evil. Church "gossip" is a problem, though. A good friend of mine told me that church gossip has a name. It called "Prayer Request"!! :rolleyes:
     
  20. ChurchBoy

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    stubbornkelly,

    I'm not 100% sure I have romantic feelings for my friend. I know that deep down if I opened my heart to the possibility I know I can. But I am not sure she feels the same way. She has seen me as her "big brother" for so long...
     

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