Here's how one church we were part of handled the baby shower issue: Showers were given if the mom was married and a member of the church, or if her immediate family were members and she lived in the community but had no church home of her own. If mom had a church home, they held it and we attended. If mom was unmarried, the announcement was made that our church (if she was a member) had need of baby supplies for a mom to be. If she was a community member instead, the announcement was that the community was in need of those supplies. EVERY baby got gifts of clothing, diapers, etc. whether or not mom was married. Only married moms got the fun of the nice party with grandma's and aunties in attendance. In reality, the baby couldn't care less about the party. That is all about mom, or more likely, grandma having their day in the sun. Our church decided to reserve those "days in the sun" for those who first married, then procreated. That need not entail being nasty, shunning, or any of the usual complaints about doing that. It was just one of those consequences folks knew going in to the situation--some things were accepted, others were not. Some behavior is rewarded, other behavior isn't. Now, that said, the ladies in the church would really reach out to the unwed moms to be with lots of love and support. Public celebration? No. Loving aid and outreach? Absolutely!! But we do live in a society where any negative consequences for choosing immoral behavior are seen as judgemental and mean spirited. I cannot do a thing about that, but choose not to be controlled by it.