I need advice/help

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Dlmay81, Jul 4, 2012.

  1. Dlmay81

    Dlmay81
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    Hey folks I'm new to these boards and I could use some help. I have a friend who came to me wanting help with his addiction to porn. He is a believer we both accepted Christ Jesus as Lord on the same night. I know what some may be thinking and your right I can't be 100% sure he is truly saved. Except for this one issue his fruits bear those of a Christian. Anyway he came to me instead of our pastor b/c it's obviously embarrassing. He told me he doesn't watch it often he may go months without looking at it and then all of a sudden hes watching it again. I've never had to do anything like this before. I went to my pastor about it but he wants to meet with him but my buddy ain't ready for that. What do I do? I'm a little over my head here. So any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. Mexdeaf

    Mexdeaf
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  3. freeatlast

    freeatlast
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    Pray with him in person and for him in private. Let him know that he has to do what ever it takes to stop this sin and refer to Mat 5:29,30. This means he may need to get rid of any computer or device that can access such stuff including TV.s or there are systems that can keep his computer from accessing such stuff. Be safe on line is one. http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-eyes-parental-control-software.php?gclid=CJGxg7aOgLECFc2a7QodgnSbkA
    Also let him know that he can call you anytime he is having these thoughts and even come by for the fellowship. If he is involved in any kind of teaching or programs with the church he needs to step down until this issue is overcome. If he is not interested in doing these things then he is not interested in overcome thing sin and you might need to take him through church discipline as a way to help him.
     
  4. Salty

    Salty
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    When I preached this past Sunday - I touched on this subject.

    I mentioned that if we go somewhere that might be questionable - we should take a Bible and have it open as we walk into such a place.

    Likewise, tell your friend that if he gets an urge for that "3 letter" website, ask him to have an open Bible next to him (turned to Heb 13:5 ) when he goes to the site.

    This would be an outward expression of Jesus Christ being with us.

    Mex and Free also gave excellent advice. I trust that the Lord will prevail! :praying:

    Salty
     
  5. Dlmay81

    Dlmay81
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    Thanks for the advice guys. Keep us in your prayers!
     
  6. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
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    Here's the problem.

    When a person, including a Christian, is involved in sins that bring social shame, they hide it at all costs. I'm sure that it was not easy confessing this to you - let alone a pastor.

    But the thing about hiding one's sins at all costs is that it's a vicious circle that is made of shame, fear, more shame, more fear. And it leads to a "double" life. On one hand - to all your family and friends, you have no problem like this. But in secret - you are another person.

    Tell him - and this is the key to the first stage of being set free - that bringing one's shameful sins to the LIGHT destroys some of its power over you.

    That's why it's VERY important for him to talk to you, his pastor, a counselor - anyone with whom he can open talk about this bondage. Talking about this with another human being, looking them in the eye, will bring about much relief.

    Lastly, part of the shame involves thinking that you are the only Christian or only person at your church who suffers such shameful things.

    That's a lie.

    From so much research that I have read, there are so many men in bondage to this - in and out of the church - that it is mind-boggling.

    Encourage him that this pastor is not going to be shocked - at all!!
     
  7. HankD

    HankD
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    1 Corinthians 7:1-9 Read every word. Obey.

    HankD
     
  8. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76
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    This thing is an epidemic and it is only a click away.

    Yes, he needs an accountability partner.

    Yes, he needs prayer.

    Yes, he needs a content filter on the internet.

    Also, he needs to stay away from 'racy' stuff on the internet too. He might log onto websites that show a lot of skin, but no nudity---then pretty soon he's going for the really bad stuff. It's like the old story about the guy who had the two same-sized dogs and he's let them fight. One guy asked him 'they are both the same size and age, which one wins?' The man who owned the dogs said "that's easy--the one I feed will win." In other words, don't get started!

    Also, he needs counseling. He needs to figure out where and when he "veered off course" and fix it with God's help.

    This is NOT an easy thing and it takes a lot of time, prayer and immersing the mind into God's Word to overcome it.

    There are some good sermons on Sermon Audio about p*rn addiction. I suggest your friend listens to them. Women aren't immune to this addiction either.

    I know he is ashamed to tell the Pastor. If the Pastor is worth his salt, this won't be the first time he's heard of believer's being overcome with this sin--and it won't be the last. But pray for your own sanity during this and with God's help, he'll overcome this.

    Your friend will have our prayers.
     
  9. Berean

    Berean
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    Seek professional counseling (Christian if available). Don't rely on Shade tree advice or family and friends.
     
  10. Yeshua1

    Yeshua1
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    Also, have him get a quality internet filetr like K-9, which is free, and have you or his wife if he is married have the password, NOT him!

    And have him accept and realise that this is possible to overcome thru Grace and power of god, but he might fall back into it time to time, does nOT mean not saved/lost, but he nneds to also know the Lord wnats him to confess and forsake, and to just build into his life good discliplines such bible study, prayer, church,mens groups/cell groups and strong male accountibity!

    The Great news here is that knows its sinning, and is convicted to do the right thing now!

    Ultimate sense, the cure will be to learn to love on jesus more, and make priority one His personal relationship with him...
     
  11. Zaac

    Zaac
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    There's a free filter out there called K9. Place it on his computers and you keep the password.

    K9 Web Protection
     
  12. prodical son

    prodical son
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    Remind your friend what the scripture says about resisting the devil
    then tell him to try to apply it to his problem with all mallace!!!
    begging God's forgiveness and mercy,(IN PRAYER)
    also asking for God's help,especially God's help!!
     
  13. agedman

    agedman
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    That is a great idea!

    You might be "partners" in this process. He keep your password, you keep his.

    I am a bit reluctant about talking to the pastor.

    Years ago, assembly folks of MRBC would go Dave Hyles, the pastor, confessing all manner of evil things, thinking that certainly that was right and helpful. Not knowing that he was more vile than any confession he would have heard. They soon felt doubly betrayed.

    Rather, suggest the young man visit with skilled and Godly counselors. Select one who is not involved in the same assembly so that a personal failure by a counselor is not a hindrance to assembly fellowship by the young believer.

    Secondly, it is important that believers have accountability guards in all matters of Scriptural and personal matters. The Scriptures tell that when the believer is going to another to be very careful that the fault does not manifest itself in the frist believer's life, too. YOU BOTH need to be on guard and hold each other accountable.

    Lastly, I would make a word study of Peter's "ladder" found in 2 Peter 1. One does not jump rungs on the ladder and expect success in their personal life.

    Keeping the password for each other is a good idea.
     

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