I posted in another forum about what happened. Here is the link to that: http://www.baptistboard.com/showthread.php?t=75227 Now that it SEEMS as if the worker deemed this a false allegation, I need to start working on the right way to handle this at church. I'm reluctant to leave the church before doing the right thing, and still reluctant anyhow because 1. When I joined, I made a commitment to it and I don't take breaking commitments lightly. 2. At least one of my kids calls this home and I don't her stressed out over loyalties. It shouldn't be like that, so at the least, she needs to witness me doing the right thing before I even consider leaving and putting the choice for her to stay and go into her hands. So...I've thought about this and my first thought is to go to the pastor and ask him to make a general statement about how the appropriate way to handle an issue with someone else in the church is to go to them first rather than call a government agency and hide your identity, which is what they did. Would I be right to expect my pastor to do this? The second thing is that I have an idea of who did this, but am not completely positive. I'll try to keep this pretty basic so I'm not gossiping myself, but I have a child who claims a relative abused him. We reported it to police and have a restraining order out, and it seemed odd to me that the same person who went to court to speak for the alleged abuser decided to join our church and it makes the victim very uncomfortable and he doesn't want to go there anymore. I asked the pastor if we could meet together with the relative who joined and he (rightfully) said I need to go to that person first. I did, and she stomped off without replying to my opening, which I tried to do in a non-threatening manner. So I guess I need to take some people with me as a witness, right? What should be my response if I ask for this and am told that it's a personal issue and not a church issue, so I shouldn't handle it through the church? That seemed to be strongly implied when I brought it up to someone in charge before when I was uncomfortable in going to her without a witness...that I should go to her outside the church. Although the timing of this person joining was very odd, coinciding with the restraining order and court date and then started attending extra days at the exact same time the victim returned home after being gone from in-patient therapy for a time. This is really disturbing to our family and to the victim of the abuse and we DO think that it is an issue for the church to help us with, being that this person joined and is in membership. Am I wrong on that? I appreciate any input you may have.