Infidelity question

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by freeatlast, Mar 26, 2011.

  1. freeatlast

    freeatlast
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    I know of a couple where one of them engaged in marital infidelity. When confronted by the spouse the individual was very sorry and asked for forgiveness and vowed never to let it happen again. However in their discussion on this as usual the offender was asked how they could do such a thing and the reply was something like this. Well I was weak and we just got to talking at work one day and one thing led to another and also no one is perfect and that person really does not mean anything to me, I love only you please forgive me.

    So my question is should the spouse accept this and would you accept this as a true apology and confession and completely forgive? Did this person really confess their infidelity or were they making excuses for it?
     
  2. Gina B

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    I doubt my human flesh would let me forgive that. Definitely not with that weak apology. Even with a much better apology I doubt I'd be able to live daily with someone who betrayed me on that deep of a level. I'm a very jealous person.

    An apology like that would probably only earn an "I'm only human too so please forgive me for the pain you're gonna feel when this frying pan lands upside your nasty cheatin' self's head!"
     
  3. Arbo

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    1. Unless one or both of the parties involved ask for guidance, it is nobody else's business.

    2. Airing someone else's dirty laundry without permission is called gossip.
     
  4. freeatlast

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    Arbo, what in the world are you talking about? Did you over medicate or what? :laugh:
     
  5. Cypress

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    The best answer I have is to try and put yourself in the offenders shoes. If it was you, would you want forgiveness? It boils down to living the Masters command to love your neighbor as yourself. It seems to me that it would be one of the hardest things to do, though, not having been there myself on a physical level. Only God could really determine the depth of contrition with real accuracy. This is a real test and risk in love.
    I have found that living this command is the best way for me to stay useful and close to the Lord.:love2:
     
  6. preachinjesus

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    Grace should always be a default condition in our marriages.

    In this instance, and because this is a very good description of events, the next step should be involving a professional counselor. Of the marriages I've seen where infidelity has occurred the useful time with a licensed Christian counselor helps heal wounds and put in place significant barriers to prevent this from happening again.
     
  7. Arbo

    Arbo
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    I'm talking about gossip. What did you think I was talking about?
     
  8. Arbo

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    FAL- I assume the OP wasn't hypothetical. If this is the case, do they know about this thread?
     
  9. freeatlast

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    I had and have no idea. I attribute your response to over medication.
    :laugh:
     
  10. MamaCW

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    LOL..Now I dont feel so about responding to this on here...a similar question on a nonchristian board got me so many hate msgs ..

    The one thing I told my husband that I would NEVER do is take him back if he cheated on me. My father even told him this one time and I walked in on their conversation. He told him, I will stick with him through ANYTHING and EVERYTHING..except infidelity...

    Now my dad,..funny enough..cheated on my mom a couple of years ago...but she "forgave him" and took him back..but she never truly forgave him..she was always bringing it up..her attitude towards him changed..and then she became a heavy FB addict, making friends with people from maryland..she started going there to "visit friends" and we recently found a secret fb she had where she had photos of her and this guy...after all that came out..her response was "he did it first.. i didnt really do anything wrong"...my 14 yr old sister found the profile..she was hurt when my dad left..but she was hurt soo much more when she saw what she saw....

    the moral of this example is....if the betrayee cannot truly forgive and trust the betrayer...don't even try it...they will only grow in their bitterness from the betrayer..and there will be other people who will be affected by their responses....

    After seeing their situation, andhow they handled it. I've realized that I would try to work things out. Get counseling with our pastor, take a vacation, total marriage overhaul. But if i can't truly cant let it go, I will probably walk away. Infidelity is the only acceptable reason for divorce biblically...and God knew what he was doing when he made that exception to the rule. Infidelity is something that is very hard to brush off and move on from..
     
  11. freeatlast

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    The question was not how to heal the marriage the question was did this person really confess with the excuses that are present as to why this happened?
     
  12. Arbo

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    No need to be insulting, smiley face or no.
     
  13. freeatlast

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    Insulting? Did you actually read the OP and your response? Your response was not even in the same forum as the OP.
     
  14. MamaCW

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    I dont think the fact that they are making excuses should be the big picture here, in my opinion. Excuses are another form of admission, regardless of how pathetic they may seem. How often do you find someone who just admits and says i'm sorry? Every instance I've seen, there's always an excuse as to why they did it ...My dad had "reasons" ..my mom used my dad's betrayal as a "reason" when she did the same thing 3 years later...there's always excuses... the bigger picture should be.. can they be trusted ever again, and can the person hurt forgive and move on WITH that person.
     
  15. freeatlast

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    So then if so many used excuses then would it be fair to say that excuses lead to more sin as in the case of your mother who justified herself with the same justification your father used?
     
  16. MamaCW

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    Of course not. 2 wrongs do not make a right (so cliche, I know).. But regardless of whatever excuses my dad made..if my mom had truly forgiven him (which she did not)..she would not have been making excuses justifying her actions because she would not have done what she did..in her bitter little head, I truly believe this was her way of "getting even" or making herself feel better for staying with him after what he did..

    oh and if she would have been honest with herself..instead of hiding her unforgiveness..she could have worked to make the marriage work..or walked away and not added to more of the hurt with the family
     
  17. Arbo

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    O.K., I will accept that you do not understand my original post.

    Please answer this one question: If the opening post is not hypothetical, do both parties know that their story is being discussed on this thread? Yes or no, please.
     
  18. freeatlast

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    let me ask you a questiion and I will then asnwer yours. Was the offender male or female? was the couple maried or just living together? What is their names? Where do they live? Are they still alive?
     
    #18 freeatlast, Mar 26, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2011
  19. freeatlast

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    But in your mothers mind her sin was justified because of your fathers sin, if not in total at least in part, correct?
     
  20. Arbo

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    I didn't think you would answer.

    There's no point in continuing this until then.
     

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