Interesting problem please help

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by GodsRealTruth, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. GodsRealTruth

    GodsRealTruth
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    Hey Guys and Ladies,

    I am so sorry to ask this again, but I need some help. I trust each and everyone of you. Here is the whole issue laid out, and I welcome all responses and advice.

    I am now a Pastor of a church. I have an interesting dilema, I am not sure I have handled it right or wrong.

    Anyway here it is...When I met my wife she had been divorced for 6 years, and had a son. She is the only woman I have ever married. She was a battered wife and knew she needed to get out of the marriage. We met and we married. I then was approached by my son to adopt him cause his real Dad will have nothing to do with him and even to this day will have nothing to do with him. So my son in his eyes knew I was his father. Shortly after I was saved, then my wife was saved, and then my son was saved by the grace of Jesus Christ.

    A couple years after I felt a strong pull by Jesus to preach the word! So I surrendered to preach the Gospel and was ordained shortly after. I have pastored a few churches and this has never been a problem. However, when I interviewed in view of a call by my current church. They never asked me about it, and honestly I never even thought about bringing it up. Well shortly after receiving the call and then it hitting me I should have brought this up, I called the head of the deacons to explain to him the whole thing. He stated that is not a problem you are qualified as a pastor. You are the husband of one wife. He stated their was no reason to bring it up.

    Well yesterday I was approached by someone at a funeral I had took this elderly woman to. My elderly congregation member introduced me to a lady, and we got to talking and the elderly lady asked me how long I had been married, and before I could answer someone else had come up and they started to talk then it shifted back to me and I told her in a laughing matter for a long time. Well they laughed and asked how old my kids were and I told them 18 and 10 respectively, and then the elderly lady and the other lady started to laugh and state well it must be at least 18 years.

    I do not feel my wife being divorced before and me marrying her disqualifies me from being a pastor. Besides she has been saved since then. She is the only woman I have been married to.

    I have not brought it up farther to the church due to the head deacon saying there was no need to, but now I am worried this will get back to the church and to my wife by this elderly lady in conversation saying I said we had been married for 18 years (which I did not say, but you know how conversations can get mixed up.

    What should I do?:praying:
     
  2. El_Guero

    El_Guero
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    Brother,

    That is a difficult predicament to get one's self into. Some of the answers that you will receive here will be guided by love, others the Word, and some wellllll you might want to ignore those posts.

    I will be praying for you.

    Wayne
     
  3. SaggyWoman

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    Hang With it

    Don't let your wife's past keep you from doing what God wants you to do.
     
  4. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler
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    Some free advice, worth what you're paying for it:

    Don't sweat over whether you're Biblically qualified to pastor. You are.

    Give your deacon chairman a heads up about the conversation at the funeral home, ask for his help to head off any misunderstanding when it finally gets to him.
     
  5. Major B

    Major B
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    Tom,

    I agree that there are no clear lines about this kind of situation, but some churches sure think there are, and it has caused a lot of young pastors a lot of trouble.

    Charley Buntin
     
  6. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
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    My wife was also divorced. I had never been married. We met at a church I pastored and dated very quietly for 2 years. We just went out for dinner in a near city. Basically, we dated because neither had any friends our age. Then we were "found out". Some in the church rejoiced. Some in the church went nuts. So to keep peace in the church, I left. We continued dating and finally got married. That was 10 years ago.

    I was on staff at a church for 18 months when I put in a resume to pastor a church. I asked a friend about what to tell the church. He gave me an old saying which was right about this and about alot of other stuff: "Baptists are down on whatever they aren't up on." So I laid it all out. They were fine with it. If it had been me that had been divorced, it probably would have been different.

    You probably need to let other people like your deacons and/0r leadership team in on this issue. It will get out. That way you're ahead of the curve.

    I'll be praying. Tom Butler is right. Don't sweat it. You're qualified.
     
  7. tinytim

    tinytim
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    Good advice here...

    Also.. Satan may be using this to distract you from something else....Don't let that happen.
     
  8. Jim1999

    Jim1999
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    Years ago, a young minister was asked by a mother to visit her daughter, who was a prostitute in the Soho district of London. He faithfully did his thing as a minister and visited the young woman. SOme busybody in his church reported that he was visiting a lady of the night....Long story short, It almost destroyed a young minister. Had the busy bodies had their way, we would have lost one of the greatest preachers and teachers of all time, G. Campbell Morgan.

    Do what God calls you to do and never mind the busybodies. You informed your head deacon, and that is all that matters.

    Get on with your ministry, and please God in His service.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  9. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler
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    Charley, your observations are correct, as usual. My own church has actually voted change its policy on this matter. We had a godly man in our church who was married for a long, long time to a woman with a living ex-husband. Although there was no policy, there was enough sentiment to create a barrier to electing him as a deacon.

    I brought this question before the congregation, and to make a long story short, the congregation voted as a church policy that a man with a divorced wife was in fact, qualified to be a deacon, but a divorced man was not.

    The issue was settled policy, and the man was elected a deacon.

    I guess the point is, that the church may need to have an official policy. There's always a risk that it will take the narrower view, but at least prospective pastors and everybody else will know it going in. And the search committee can operate within the policy.
     
  10. David Ekstrom

    David Ekstrom
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    I thought Tom's advice was very good. Take the iniatitive and let it be known. Let it come from you. Best to tell people one-on-one because people have a harder time responding in a bigoted way to someone to whom they are looking in the eyes. Win the people over by loving them. If they know you love them, and they like you in return, it will probably be no problem. You did nothing wrong. If it was an issue with them, they should have brought it up at your call.
     
  11. Major B

    Major B
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    Tom,

    I remember that when I was pastoring, that there was a pastor in this situation who lived right down the road from me. There were several churches in our association that were so persnickity about it that they would not ask him to do revivals, and if he was speaking at another church close to theirs, none of them would go.

    Ah, Western Kentucky!
     
  12. GodsRealTruth

    GodsRealTruth
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    Thanks for the advice...

    This situation has worked itself out at the church God's called me to Pastor at. It doesn't matter to anyone there. They stated they were behind me 100%.

    Amen! God is great!..
     
  13. Citizen

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    You are qualified as a pastor. I would however, be completely upfront about the entire situation with my flock. Keeping it hush-hush only leads to rumors and it appears you have something to hide.

    Don't worry about losing your job. It's God's decision, not their's. ;)
     
  14. Citizen

    Citizen
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    Well good! Sorry I didn't read the entire thread before responding!
     
  15. Brother Randall

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    Amen! Glad to hear things worked out.
     

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