As one reared in holiness-Arminianism but now a member in a Calvinist congregation, I still have many conflicts with regard to various Calvinist teachings. Perhaps I will understand them by comparing them, one by one. Simply put, I do not understand the concept of irresistable grace, but I spent my first years spe- cifically and forcefully resisting the call of our God. Without going into great detail, I first felt drawn toward Him in a Calvinist service my parents took me to when I was 4, but I kicked against the cross- bar of the chair and silently shouted, "No! No! No!" in my head, in defiance against a God I then hated. I resisted, going on from there to live as sinfully and hatefully toward our God as a child possibly can, doing anything and everything that entered my imagination. I basically felt no compulsion toward Him after that, until I was 14, at which time I was in an Ar- minian serrvice, and when we stood at our seats for prayer at the end of the service, I began to shake so hard, it was like I was receiving an elec- trical shock. It was horrid. I had never experi- enced anything like that before or since, but there was a definite compulsion to fall on my knees and repent, which I angrily refused to do. The shaking was so violent that a minister, who was a good 100 feet away, saw me and came off the podium to ask me if I wanted to pray, at whom I screamed, "NO!!" again resisting. As soon as I screamed at him, the shaking stopped. At that time, however, I desired to quit being an evil little brat, so I changed myself--turned over a new leaf--and started trying to be decent. It worked most of the time. But I hated our God until I was 22 years of age, at which time I realized that He loved me and intend- ed nothing but good for me. Now, that was irre- stible. I prayed then, for the first time. I know that these are simplistic, individual experi- ences and may not fall under the true definition of irresistible grace, but how do they correlate with it?