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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by RipponRedeaux, Jul 27, 2023.

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  1. KenH

    KenH Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #21 KenH, Aug 16, 2023
  2. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Ken quit horsing around... Brother Glen:D;)
     
    #22 tyndale1946, Aug 16, 2023
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  3. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Could be he is drinking a ton of Mt Dew!
     
    #23 Salty, Aug 16, 2023
  4. KenH

    KenH Well-Known Member

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    Could be my not making myself get to bed like I plan instead of getting to bed 60-90 minutes late.

    [​IMG]
     
    #24 KenH, Aug 16, 2023
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  5. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    I wouldn't accuse him of that Salty, because where he hails from Mt. Dew takes on a whole new meaning... Brother Glen:)
     
    #25 tyndale1946, Aug 16, 2023
  6. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    Did you heat about the kidnapping at the school?
    Don't worry. He woke up.
     
    #26 RipponRedeaux, Aug 16, 2023
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    • Winner Winner x 1
  7. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    A mountain man and a bear went into a bar. The bartender asks "So what's your story?"
    The mountain man replies "Bear with me."

    These days Lance is not a common name. But back in the Middle Ages people were named Lance a lot.

    I got a bogus deck of cards for my birthday.
    It's hard to deal with.

    A guy was throwing scrabble pieces all over the road. I asked him what he was doing.
    I'm trying to get the word on the street.
     
    #27 RipponRedeaux, Aug 18, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 3
  8. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    What do sea monsters like to eat?
    Fish and ships.

    I was told my salads are a little on the dry side and that is something that needs addressing.
     
    #28 RipponRedeaux, Aug 21, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 2
  9. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    My niece had a baby last week.
    I knew she had it in her.

    Why do birds fly south for the winter?
    Because it's too far to walk.

    Dogs can't operate a MRI machine.
    But cats can.

    Right before surgery I asked the doctor if I could give myself my own anesthesia.
    He told me "Knock yourself out."

    i saw a tv for sale. The volume was stuck all the way up.
    I said I can't turn that down.

    Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One asks the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
     
    #29 RipponRedeaux, Aug 24, 2023
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  10. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Many years ago, Ken was a missionary to the South Sea islands.
    One day as he was searching villages in the outback -
    He was attacked by cannibals. They took him to their camp and the pot was
    already heated up. Ken had a great ideal - Just before they put him in -
    Ken told the Chief that they should have a taste before he is cooked. So Ken takes
    out his pocket knife and cuts off a piece of his leg. Handing two pieces to the Chief (withh on for the medicine man and- he said try it. They both took one bite - and spit it out. The Chief demanded he leave the camp immediately as the Medicine Man believed he was an evil god.

    As Ken left the camp - he raised his hands unto the Lord and prayed
    "Lord, I now thank you for that wooden leg!"
     
    #30 Salty, Aug 24, 2023
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  11. KenH

    KenH Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #31 KenH, Aug 25, 2023
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  12. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference... Brother Glen:)
     
    #32 tyndale1946, Aug 25, 2023
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  13. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    The only thing flat-earther’s fear,
    is sphere itself.
     
    #33 Deacon, Aug 26, 2023
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    • Like Like x 1
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  14. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Is that a time joke
     
    #34 Salty, Aug 26, 2023
  15. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    If you say “gullible” really slow…

    …it sounds like “oranges”.
     
    #35 Deacon, Aug 26, 2023
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  16. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    A man goes out ice fishing one morning. He reaches the ice and is about to cut a hole in it when he hears a voice from above: “There are no fish here.”

    The fisherman is shocked but gets up and moves to another spot. As he’s about to cut a hole, he hears a voice from above again, “There are no fish here either.”

    He gets up and moves to a third spot. Before he’s even finished walking, the voice says, “I’m telling you, there are no fish here.”

    The fisherman says, “God, how can you be so sure there aren’t any fish here?”

    The voice replies, “This is the ice rink manager.”... Brother Glen:D
     
    #36 tyndale1946, Aug 26, 2023
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  17. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    That was cold
     
    #37 Salty, Aug 26, 2023
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    • Informative Informative x 1
  18. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Brother Glen;):Biggrin
     
    #38 tyndale1946, Aug 26, 2023
  19. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    Where do bad rainbows go?
    To prism. It's a light sentence.
     
    #39 RipponRedeaux, Aug 26, 2023
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    • Funny Funny x 1
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  20. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    What does a baby computer call his father?
    Data. [pronounced dada]
     
    #40 RipponRedeaux, Aug 29, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 1
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