Men, authority, and their women

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by SaggyWoman, Aug 5, 2001.

  1. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman
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    Women who usurp authority--is it because their husbands don't have any authority??
     
  2. Joseph_Botwinick

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    Very interesting thought...would you please elaborate Saggy...I think I agree...but I am not sure [​IMG]

    Joseph
     
  3. SaggyWoman

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    Well, I have had this thought before, but today, it came to me with startling --uh-- in-my-faceness.

    Today at church, there was this lady who got mad over something ever so piddly.

    She ranted and raved and gossiped and --you know the type. Her husband, who was ever present, acted embarrassed, but never said a thing to her about her nonsense actions. . .

    Why is this??

    I know that he would need to tell her in quietness, but if she couldn't get a grip, wasn't it something that he should deal with?

    Is it spiritual immaturity?
     
  4. KeeperOfMyHome

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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SaggyWoman:
    She ranted and raved and gossiped and --you know the type. Her husband, who was ever present, acted embarrassed, but never said a thing to her about her nonsense actions. . . Why is this??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    Hmmm . . . I'd say that this is one contentious woman, and her husband knows that if he speaks up she'll rail on him like there's no tomorrow. Contentious women live to fight with somebody! [​IMG]

    Contentious: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes

    This man has probably become weary with her contentious ways, and has decided he's better off to let her be. Poor man! :(

    Somebody needs to get a tape recorder or video recorder, tape the woman during one of her rampages, and play it back to her. I'm sure she'd be right embarrassed to see how she is acting.
     
  5. Joy

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    Somebody told me once before I got married that I should never criticize or complain about my husband in public or even in private to a "buddy". The problems between a man a wife who are married should remain in private unless it is so bad that you both agree to counselling. Calling names or putting a spouse in place in public is most definitely setting yourself above the other one. I guess that would violate submission one to another, and it would certainly violate submission unto your own husband. Disrecpect like that in a marriage will surely break it in 2! :eek:
     
  6. Cherry5

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    In some families, it's because the woman was never taught submission by her mother. Daughters do learn from their mothers' example.
     
  7. Joy

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    That is very true, Cherry! I have to say I didn't have the greastest example. I have tried to pick up on what other ladies do for my example.

    It's especially tough when the lady has the dominant personality of the two. It takes a special effort. (My husband is really laid-back and quiet) There are times when I know my husband won't care if I just do what I want, but I ask him first anyways. This lets him know that I value his opinion and his leadership. There have been times when I disagreed with him in private about certain issues, but told him that in the end, he had the final say. I know he appreciated that, and it usually made him more willing to listen to my side.

    I've been really bad too :eek: :( There was that time I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our first child- we were really strapped financially and he wanted to move that very week to a tiny farmhouse that had no closets or kitchen cubbards. It was out in the country an hour away from our church family and our own famlies both live hundreds of miles away. And we had one car that would be gone all day while he was at work!

    Well, it was still a dumb idea on his part :D , but I ranted and raved and screamed at him until I got my way [​IMG] :(

    I'm still ashamed of that one!
     
  8. KeeperOfMyHome

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    LOL Joy! I can ditto you on the dominate personality thing! I talk, talk, talk . . . always on the go, and hubby is just the oppostie. I'm very social, love company, love to entertain . . . not my husband! And it drives me nuts. But I deal with it.

    It was a wake up call for me a few years back when I started thinking about the way I talk to my husband sometimes . . . or should I say respond to him in certain situations? What if he talked to me the way I talked to him? I would be soooo mad, and so humiliated! Since then I have tried to remain very aware of my tone and my attitude.

    However, may I add that sometimes, and I hate to admit it, but I am purposely antagonistic and at that moment it feels, uh, good to rebel. That's just awful to say, but it's the truth. Mostly it's during times when I feel like he isn't hearing what I'm saying, so it's my way to get back at him. Doesn't happen often, and I'm glad! That good feeling doesn't last very long either . . .

    Praise God my husband is also a very patient man, or I may have been a divorced woman long ago.

    The really, really bad thing is when I see other wives treating their husbands this way, and then I realize how horrible my behavior has been.

    Ok, now y'all know I'm not so perfect. :D ;) :eek: LOL

    Was that too much information? [​IMG]
     
  9. Kathy

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    What about spiritual maturity? I was saved in 1997 but my husband was saved this year. I am beyond basic Christianity and he is just beginning...now what?

    Kathy
    &lt;&gt;&lt;

    P.S. Joy, I do EXACTLY what you do with my husband, but to annoyance sometimes...I don't mean to annoy him, I am just trying to show him that I submit to his being the leader of our household and that he has the final say. Perhaps it is because of the above...maybe I am further along in my Christian walk then he is and he doesn't fully understand his responsibilities.
     
  10. Kathy

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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by KeeperOfMyHome:
    Ok, now y'all know I'm not so perfect. :D ;) :eek: LOL

    I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT! *hehe* I'm poking at ya! ;)

    Was that too much information? [​IMG]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Uhhh....yeah! :eek: ;) [​IMG]

    LoL!

    Love,
    Kathy
    &lt;&gt;&lt;
     
  11. SaggyWoman

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    Joy, I am not an advocate for public admonishing of one's spouse or friend. There is a biblical resolve . . . but I wonder if many husbands actually do this.. . .

    But, if women are to be submissive to their husbands spiritual authority, they gotta have some, don't you think???
     
  12. Joy

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    I see your point too, Saggy. Some men are namby pamby wimps. :eek: Not my man of course! :cool: He lets me know what is what when I get out of line. :eek:
     
  13. KeeperOfMyHome

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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joy2:
    [QB]He lets me know what is what when I get out of line.[QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Joy ~ Does he get the look? LOL . . . I can tell when I've gone too far most times by the look on his face. [​IMG]
     
  14. patricia

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    Hi!
    Wonderful topic! We had a sermon a couple of Sundays ago with a guest speaker on the womens role in the church. I don't know if any of you have had the same problem in your churches but sometimes some of the women in ours tend to get a little "gung ho" if you know what I mean. Anyway, there tends to be a habit of a women stepping into a mans role if there is not a man who is willing to. And the message for the Godly women was to refrain from stepping into it, even if the men won't, it is not her place. And the men needed to step up to the plate and fulfill his role so the women could do hers. Thought it was a pretty good sermon. I don't have that problem in the church but sometimes at home I do with my husband. But I have found that if I express my opinion, wishes, or concerns in a loving and thoughtful manner and pray to God for strength and guidance, that my husband responds in like manner and the problem gets resolved or the job gets done. I like reading the book of Esther, it says so much! BUT, that's a lot easier said than done! Sometimes hurtful things come out of my mouth or I'll take on a job on my own that I know that I shouldn't... just because. And yes, sometimes it feels good to be rebellious, but that good feeling is short lived and nothing but trouble arises in our house when that happens. But with the Lord, we know that we can overcome and that anything is possible, even with husbands! Hee-hee!

    Peace to you all,
    Patricia
     
  15. ChozGod

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    As I read these posts I agree with them all!!! :D I really have nothing to add, just wanted to share my agreement.
    Paula
     
  16. Rev. Joshua

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    Wow, it feels like I've stepped into a whole different world. Now I know how they were able to throw that whole "graciously submissive" bit into the new Southern Baptist Fatih & Message.

    I quite honestly believed that the only people who advocated wive's submitting to their husbands were the husbands. I guess I've been moving in the urban, liberal baptist circuit for too long.

    Hmmmm, I wonder what my wife would say if I told her I expected her to ultimately submit to my authority...
     
  17. ChozGod

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    Quote:
    Hmmmm, I wonder what my wife would say if I told her I expected her to ultimately submit to my authority...

    For starters it's really not "Ultimately submit to your authority" the only one she has to Ultimately Submit to is Jesus, if you ask her to commit a sin she does not have to comply i.e. " lets go kidnap someone today"
    As long as your requests do not cause her to sin, you may be shocked to learn of her relief of you choosing to take the authority seat.
    Paual
     
  18. Rev. Joshua

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    *chuckle* I just asked her how she'd respond and she said that she wondered if she'd be able to pack her bags while laughing so hard.

    We do respect each other's authority in our respective areas of expertise. Since I stay home with our son, she recognizes that I'm generally more aware of his needs. Likewise, I understand that she know a heck of a lot more about medicine than I do.

    Nevertheless, ultimately we do everything by consensus. I have alwys assumed that in the end all functional marriages work that way. Just shows how wrong I can be ;) !

    Joshua
     
  19. Joy

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    Joshua, you are partly right. We are to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. I wasn't talking about my husband ordering me around-do this, do that type of thing. I don't believe that is biblical either. I am talking about home leadership in that if there ever is a discrepancy, my husband has the right as the head of the home to say gently to me, " Honey, I feel this is what the Lord has for us." It would then be my responsibilty to follow his lead. If for some reason he was wrong in his decision, then it would be responsible, not me.

    I don't think a man should order his wife to go get him a Pepsi and demand that she do it in the name of submission. We aren't slaves. On the other hand, if he asked her to please bring him one, she should have a servants heart and be willing to bring him one. If he is truly a loving husband, he would be willing to reciprocate the act as well. I don't think it is usurping authority to ask your husband if he would do something for you, as long as you weren't demanding it.

    My husband, even though he knows that he is the head of the household, respects my expertise in some areas. He also respects my point of view and my wishes most of the time. In a marriage, you learn to compromise and respect each others desires.

    If a man is all demanding in the name of submission, or a woman refuses to allow a man to lead, either one can make the marriage off balance.
     
  20. Gina B

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    Ok, so what if he asks you to bring him a Pepsi but you are a rabid Coke fan and you bring him that instead? Have you disobeyed? Should you give him a taste test if he gets angry about it to see if he REALLY can tell the difference? Or do you submit to his authority and bring him the unoriginal cheap imitation of a great product?
    Hmmm.
    And before it turns into a big debate, yes, I DO know RC would be totally wrong. (although it is my favorite cola)
     

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