Need advice in the worse way

I'm not married to my ministry/church--------meaning I can walk away

But I AM married to my wife--------and I can't walk away

Preaching is what I do for a living------I can go out and find me another job tomorrow morning

The command that says----"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his _______________"--------son----filling in the blank with any other answer beside what is commanded is contrary to God's will and is an act of rebellion

As far as her "naggin'"?????? Buddy------she's gonna nag no matter what you are--------President/CEO of ExxonMobil or part time truck driver for WasteManagament----the CEO is probably confiding in some of his board members---"I wish I could do somethin' about my wife's naggin'"-------and at the very same time the garbage truck driver is at the steerin' wheel----wonderin' what she's gonna be naggin' about when he gets home this evenin'-----------you and her need to get together and "squelch" the naggin' some sort of way---you reckon?????

 

While I undersdtand what you mean, however, I would disagree in one way. Ministry is your life and will be with you as a Christian not just a job. Preaching may be part of your job but it must also be a part of your everyday life. How will men and women hear the gospel without a messenger. That messenger can be any place God takes him.

The wife needs to remember her focus and ministry to her husband and family.

It's better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Prov 21:9)

It's better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife (Prov 21:19)

It's better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Prov 25:24)

 

I fully understand your situation. Other than the fact I am not a preacher but I do want to teach someday soon, I am in the same situation.

My wife will nag, whine, complain, gripe, put me down, cuss me and basically make me feel worthless.

I am a calm person (normally :smilewinkgrin and I don't nag or whine to or at her. I provide the house, pay the bills, cook and clean.

At first I just pacified her rages by giving in. This I believe is a mistake we both made. I have found that when I put my foot down, she backs off. Sure she may cry and make threats, but she soon turns around and apologizes for acting crazy. When I say something to get picked apart, I listen for when she goes off subject too far and point it out. That those things have nothing to do with what I said and are in her mind only thus causing introspection on her part. When your arguing about apples and she rages about oranges, call her out.

Since I provide and do all the things I am supposed to it seems she finds things to jump me about. I have even been put down and told how stupid and worthless I am for not organizing the laundry right actually working herself into a rage. So I know how you feel. Since I don't provide her with major things to rage about she nit picks and judges every little thing.

I have noticed a direct correlation between my reactions and her future actions. If I gave in all the time, she got worse. When I stood my ground, she backed off.

The Bible will provide a multitude of examples of how to act and be. But those will only take effect if she takes the passages to heart. You have to BOTH walk that path, not just you.

There are many possible factors behind her actions and behavior. These days women , but not all women, tend to have a total disrespect and contempt for men in general. You can blame feminism for that one. Yeah, I said it.

She may also be angry with other things but takes them out on you. For example, when she goes off, is she directed at you, or does she look through you and only see a past that she hasn't let go of? With my wife its her abusive ex and a bad example from her father. So she has a warped precept of men right off, no good example growing up and a bad start when it came to marriage. This had a profound effect on her.
And shes bipolar to boot. I finally got her to realized that one. Now she just needs treatment. Also like I said, pointing out her undirected rage making her think about the situation.


To sum up, I fully relate and sympathize with you and situation. Observe and analyze her to see just what her problem is. You just might not be her problem. But you or someone needs to figure out just what it is and make her face her own demons. It is a hard road, I know I'm there with my wife. I love her too much to give up now.

This is a hard path but in order to start it off, she has to take the first step. And in order to do that , she has to realize she has a problem.

Peace by with you and I will remember you in my prayers. :godisgood::jesus:

 

Sometime turn on a tape recorder and both of you will probably get quite a surprise. I did that one time and it showed me who I really was. When my daughter was small she would have temper tantrums and I recorded her one time. It worked wonders. Anytime she would start her tantrums I threatened to record her and it worked. She is in college now and does not whine.

 

I'll have to admit that if you were looking for advice in the "worst possible way", you came to the right place!













Joking................... Okay? :laugh:

 

Brother you are in good company

John Wesley had the same problem, his solution was to get a horse a bible and go hold openair meetings.

Worked for him.

Romans 8.28 Says all things work together for good ...........

it does not say all things will be good.

One day we will look back and see it to be just another step in Gods refining to conform us to the image of his dear Son.

 

Scarlett O I see where your questions are going and I did not address them in my post.

Yes, I do love my wife, its the only reason I'm still with her. :smilewinkgrin:

No I don't go around putting my foot down, I react but not act with no provocation. I can honestly say to everyone here and before God that she starts it every time. :tonofbricks: It is very frustrating.

One of her close friends behaves even worse than her and she got to see that first hand and it actually hit home to her.

I guess one important thing most women don't understand about men is that we think love is shown more in actions than in words. If I take care of little chores for her so she doesn't have to do them, that is because I love her.

Men and women have different definitions of how love is shown. I care nothing for gifts and trinkets or even cards. In a year I will have forgotten about the card, misplaced the gift, or lost the trinket. I don't want those things. I , like many men, would rather have love shown to us. In her daily actions like just showing respect for instance. Don't just say it , do it. And time in the "bedroom" :thumbs: counts for that too. If a woman ignores that need on purpose or considers it "too much of a hassle" then she doesn't need to be confused about why her man doesn't feel like doing anything for her.

Men bond by doing things together, that being a shared action. Talk is just talk, though it happens. This is how we bound with a women also. For instance , I have a friend of 18 years now and I cant hardly remember a single conversation we've ever had. But I clearly remember everything we have done together. The same with women.

More men and women need to realize that we are not the same and learn to find a middle ground.


FYI to every married female that reads this:

When you give your man a set of instructions, take out this, pick up that. ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS give a time frame at the end!!!!!!

Honey, can you take out the trash? - not good enough, he will do it when he feels like it or when he gets to it.

Honey, can you take out the trash right now? - this is a compete sentence and request with a desire time for start and completion.

Men are literally trained to be like this, starting as a child then it is concreted as a working adult. At work, if I put in a material order to be produced, I have to give a schedule for production or else it will get done when they come around to it. When I do projects or take orders, a schedule is given to me. Most all men deal with similar situations. Men are just like this by nature/training.

Ladies if you remember this it will avoid many conflicts. Be precise and concise in your wording. A man with not be offended by you giving a time frame of with your request, we will accept it. We may haggle about the when and where , but once it is settled you ladies will be surprised to see that things will get done just the way you want when you are clear and precise. :thumbs:

 

I agree with RevMitcell, do not speak to anyone in your church about this issue. Speak with another pastor, whom you know you can trust, if you need to speak with someone. Also, be very careful that you do not share your misery with someone of the opposite gender. One thing far too often leads to another thing that will cause you much grief and suffering. Prayer, fasting and the Word . . . that's good advice.