Not Christian because I won't "forgive and forget" his behavior?

Discussion in 'Other Christian Denominations' started by Amy13, Oct 18, 2015.

  1. Amy13

    Amy13
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    i recently completely broke off contact with a friend. He'd basically become obsessed with me. He'd text me nonstop, especially if I didn't answer his texts. Wanted to know what I was doing all the time and where I was quite often. Half a dozen times we had conversations about the texting, he'd agree to back off the constant messages but within two days would be doing it again.
    Recently, he got me to come over to his house and put his hands on me inappropriately. After that is when I found out about the obsession...people came to me saying I was all he spoke about to them and he was using the pronoun "his" in relationship to me. A friend and I met with him and I told him I was done. I said I didn't hate him but he'd been so disrespectful I could no longer call him a friend. I urged him to go see a therapist because he's making really bad choices in his life and obviously needs someone to talk to about working some issues out.
    I found out the whole next week he went running to people in person and via texts saying "she's not a Christian because she won't forgive and forget what I did", basically meaning I should forgive him and continue the friendship just like it had been before he was so inappropriate.
    I refuse to do it. I'd love any input on if he's actually in the right that I'm not doing the Christian action here.
     
  2. heisrisen

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    No you are definitely not in the wrong. You can forgive someone and still cut them off. You don't need to have people in your life that will treat you like that and not respect your boundaries, then go blab about you behind your back.
     
  3. Scarlett O.

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  4. Amy13

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    Thanks. The "I choose to forgive the offender and move on with my life" quote from that website really helped.
     
  5. TCassidy

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    Good for you. Forgive him, but break off all conduct. Block his number from your phone. If for no other reason your own potential safety. That type of obsession can be very unhealthy. :)
     
  6. Rolfe

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    Yep. There is nothing wrong with using good judgement.
     
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  7. annsni

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    Why do people think forgiveness means we go back to the way it was before with no change in action? What you posted is really a creepy thing this guy is doing and you were ABSOLUTELY in the right for ending things the way you did (smart to bring along another person!). I'm sorry you're dealing with this but just know that oftentimes we will be slandered and there's not much we can do about it. :(
     
  8. mcdirector

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    You wouldn't keep putting your hand in a snake pit because you forgave the snake for biting you. He's gonna bite you again. And I too think forgiveness means more about me being able to move on without bitterness.
     
  9. Amy13

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    Thanks everyone. He actually lost another friend over saying that - the person he said it to is a good friend of mine and she now wants nothing to do with him either.
     
  10. pwarbi

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    As others have said you can forgive a person but still not want to have them in your life any more, that's a freedom of choice and his behaviour was unacceptable so why would you want him in your life?

    People seem to think that being a Christian means you should let them walk all over you and that's far from the case.
     
  11. Darrell C

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    Sounds pretty emotional on both parts, if you don't mind me saying so.

    As far as forgiving, that's something you can do, but, most of us are aware these days that obsession can be fatal, literally. So I would advise staying away from this fellow altogether, because I can tell you that the likelihood that any type of communication might be considered by him as an "opening" or a chance at a relationship is very real.

    Doesn't mean you shouldn't forgive him, but, that doesn't mean he is relieved of his need to repent of his sin. The best thing for you to do is forgive him, pray for him, but...don't do anything that might be interpreted by him as you considering a relationship of any sort with him. You cannot even be a friend to him under circumstances like this.

    Keep clear of this guy.


    God bless.
     
  12. Sue-Ellen

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    You did the right thing. You should never be in a position that makes you feel uncomfortable. He over stepped his boundaries. No man should ever put his hands on you in an inappropriate matter. Just because you forgive somebody doesn't mean that you approve of what they did. You are simply forgiving what happened so you can move forward with your life. You may forgive but you will never forget. Take care of yourself and I am proud of you for standing up to him and getting away from him.
     
  13. Amy13

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    I thankfully haven't heard from the guy himself. He does have his best guy friend calling me, texting me, and sending me Facebook messages trying to get me to talk to him. This drama seems non-ending.
     
  14. tyndale1946

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    If you want this to continue do nothing and it appears he will never let up... But if I were you and wanted to put a stop to it I would find out what the laws are in my city or state in regards to phone and any other type of harassment this guy and his buddy fits into... There must be a way to block and sever all contact with this guy and his friend permanently!... Brother Glen
     
  15. MichelleVL

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    I think you should forgive, but definitely not forget. I think you may have already forgiven him, and have just not forgotten. And THAT is a good thing. Your body is your temple, and he was not respecting yours. It was he that was being unchristian with his advances towards you. What you did was great, because you set boundaries, and a lot of us make the mistake of not doing so and then have bigger problems on our hands. God wants us to respect our bodies, and you set boundaries so that your friend can respect yours. The friendship with him is not healthy or beneficial for your livelihood. I'm sure you know of many cases where people will become obsessed with someone and do harm to them further down the road, so be careful.

    I think you should meet him in a public place and talk to him (don't go alone, bring a family member or friend), and let him know that you forgive him, and that you only see a friendship with him, nothing more. If he can't take it, well then at least you tried. If he accepts just being your friend, then once again set up your boundaries.....no texting all the time, no telling him where you are all the time, not meeting him alone etc. You control how you want and don't want to be treated. Good luck girl.
     
  16. Amy13

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    Unfortunately in my state the police can't get involved unless a threat is made. His number is blocked but his friend keeps using other people's phones to call me, I keep blocking those one by one. I guess eventually he will run of out phones to borrow.
     
  17. tyndale1946

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    Sorry to hear that but I'm sure if you dig deep enough you can find a Womens organization that will!... Brother Glen
     
  18. lexinonomous

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    I think you made a good choice in letting this man go. It sounds to me like he was showing early signs of stalking tendencies. The fact that he is trying to use your Christian values in protest to your decision shows you that he has some issues to work out. Honestly, I wouldn't even take it personally. People like this are looking for an excuse to continue their behavior, or maybe don't even recognize that they aren't behaving rationally. I wish you the best and hope you can get him out of your life entirely. Your safety comes first.
     
  19. nailah783

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    God wants you to be forgiving, but He doesn't want you to be stupid. You don't have to let someone in your life who is not healthy for you. You should pray for your "friend", and let that be the end of it. You forgive for you, not for the other person, so I feel like you did what you were supposed to do as a Christian. You have to protect yourself too.
     
  20. John Public

    John Public
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    Stalking is literally no more than a massively sinful way of control. Any Christian has NONE TO DO in this unrighteous activity. It is based in pride yet is a feeble attention getter.

    There are several types of stalkers-
    •The violent obsessive is dangerous as he may resort to violence or lay dormant in fantasy for lengthy periods.
    He may become violent over nothing; he has often a Napoleon complex. You are his plaything. Not others. Very much a type to flip-flop more than Mitt Romney in mood.
    Possibly very bright also. Passive-aggressive.
    •The rare attention seeker is just out to be noticed; he might be a reject or no but just wants to achieve recognition; possession becomes at later stages. Not often violent but compulsive moreover obsessive. His object seems like, in his eyes, the only thing to matter to which none other sees the object like they. Low opinion of themselves.
    •The coward. Pretty self evident. All stalkers are in some way cowards attempting to displace this inordinate affection.
    Frequently ashamed to do it either on moral conviction or guilt.
    The WWW age makes stalking a pandemic, and it is so easy to cover tracks. Be cautious what you say or do online; he can well be monitoring.

    I advise a strong self-defense policy. Micheal Janich of staysafemedia.com has great material, and there is not much better deterrent than a gun. Power cannot exist when the stalker cannot be empowered; he falls to ruin. Police are there when milliseconds count. Do no violence except justified.

    Luke's gospel 17.1-4. http://biblehub.com/kjv/luke/17.htm
    If he ain't walking in apostolic tradition, cast him out.
    Change your number.
     
    #20 John Public, Oct 22, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015

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