Pastor's Wife

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Dr. Bob, Nov 14, 2004.

  1. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
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    Read of a young woman (20-something) whose husband was a Baptist pastor. She had been saved only two or three years.

    I am concerned. We make a big deal about the pastor/elder "not being a novice", but what about his wife? 24 and saved only a couple years sure sounds "novice" to me.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. gb93433

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    I met a great family while in seminary. They were probably about 35. She told me that her husband baptized her. She had grown up in a Christian home. She would have told she anyone who asked that she was a Christian. But one Sunday when her husband was preachiung she realized she was not a true believer.

    A friend of mine is a missionary in a war torn country in Africa. He told me the average pastor has been a Christian three years and been pastoring two. He said it is amazing how good their doctrine is just by reading their Bible. I would assume that what those people go through in one year would probably account for more than we go through often in a lifetime. Sound doctrine does not always come by living. I know for myself I have often understood parts of scripture better when I was under stress and had to stand up for my faith and what is right.
     
  3. TaterTot

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    There was a youth minister and a pastor in our association not too long ago whose wives got saved at the church's revival. (separate churches)

    I am glad they did get saved, but it was a little surprising.
     
  4. Pastor J

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    This is a question that I have posed to a number of people and have not been given an answer, other than I don't know. So I will pose it here.

    Other than being submissive to her husband, are there any qualifications for a Pastor's Wife. 2 Tim. 3 lists qualifications for a Deacon's wife, but does not list any for a pastor. Scripturally, what are the qualifications of a Pastor's wife.

    My belief here is that God did not give any because a Pastor's wife is a position that has been created. My wife is my wife and I happen to be a Pastor. I know this is not very theological, but I have not been able to come up with any other solution. I would love to hear what others have to say.
     
  5. PastorGreg

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    Agreed, Pastor J. My wife is my wife. That is her calling, whether I'm a pastor, carpenter, lawyer, etc.

    I can understand Dr. Bob's original question, though, although I think it would depend somewhat on the circumstances, e.g. if she had been in a sound church all her life but simply not gotten saved until later, etc.
     
  6. joyfulkeeperathome

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    I don't see why this would be a problem....the pastor's wife is just that - the pastor's wife!! She does not get paid any extra to do all those things that she normally does, these are volentary. It would be like saying that the piano player needed to be married x number of years before being able to play the piano....doesn't make any sense to me...

    p.s. my dad is a pastor and my mom is his wife...
     
  7. Dr. Bob

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    Not dissing the "young" - my wife and I were 24 when I took a senior pastorate!

    But found my wife was WAY MORE than just a "wife". She was looked to by the ladies of the church for counsel, leadership, etc.

    She has been saved since childhood, strongly taught in a local church, BA and MA from an ifb school. So she was well qualified for the "unwritten" duties of the pastor's wife at that age.

    Just clarifying.
     
  8. dianetavegia

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    If the pastor is not a novice and is in charge of his household, his wife should already be a Christian.

    Church members look to the Pastor's wife for guidance and counsel no matter her age!
     
  9. TaterTot

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    Well, I am a pastors wife, and I DO get a paycheck!! (for teaching the youth and doing the music)

    I always looked up to my pastor's wife, and I met some gals in seminary that will eventually be eaten alive by some church ladies. Yall, church folks can be flat mean. There are unwritten expectations on a pastor's wife. They arent scriptural, but they are there nonetheless.
     
  10. Greg Linscott

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    In the situation Dr. Bob describes, the fact is that the church members would not be able to seek here out for guidance and counsel. I don't see that as a matter of disqualification, any more than if a pastor's wife was rendered severely physically or mentally handicapped, and was unable to perform counseling services. As long as the home is in order, everthing else is icing on the cake.

    Now, if you have a preference regarding "icing" when you are in the process of selecting a pastor, so be it.
     
  11. PastorGreg

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    A lot of that (undue expectations, etc.) is because pastors have allowed it to happen. One of my main responsibilities is to protect my wife from undue expetations and pressures. I make it very clear to the church that she is my wife, and her Biblical ministry is me and our kids (all six of them). She has no duties or expectations in church beyond those of any other member. That being said, there are, of course, ladies who seek her counsel, etc. But she is not the ladies' pastor, nor the assistant pastor.
     
  12. Pastor J

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    I agree with both of you. My wife does a lot in the church. She is always there for the ladies to cry on her shoulder. She has taught SS classes/Junior church. But when it comes down to it, she is my wife first and only. The rest is because she wants to do it.
     
  13. FBCPastorsWife

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    Golly Dr. Bob....almost sounds like you're talking about me...only I'm 25 and I was saved in September of 2001. Since being saved...I have studied the Word constantly. I have assisted my husband in starting a bus ministry, ran a bus route, been involved in visitation, taught Children's Church, sung in the choir, couseled ladies in our church and even done manual labor (building walls, painting rooms, drywall mudding and sanding). I am currently starting a Secret Sister program and organizing a Ladies Ministry for our church.

    Now, my question--Would I still be labeled as a "novice."
     
  14. gb93433

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    It is not so much about seat time as it is time in service. How long were the pastors and their wives believers in the NT? Some have seen more battle in one year than others do in 20.

    I am sure the soldiers in Iraq are much more qualified than any who have never seen battle.
     
  15. exscentric

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    There are some implied qualifications in the listing for elders to me. Someone mentioned she is to be in submission.

    Given to hospitality would be greatly enhanced if she were also, wouldn't do for her to be in the wood shed while he is hospitable :)

    Not greedy of filthy lucre would require that she be satisfied with what she has within the marriage.

    Ruling the house well - includes the submissive wife.

    Having children in subjection, would require the wife to be in cahoots with the husband to see to his standard while he is away - a united front with kids is almost a must.

    Good report outside. A wife that is not walking in the husbands footsteps with the Lord might well bring poor reports from without.

    I'm not sure the listing for "deacon's wives" is for deacon's wives, but that is a standard that might be suggested to the prospective pastor's wife.

    Titus 1.9 suggests his life will affect his ministry, and she will certainly affect it as well. The context is living a good life so they can minister properly - a wrong living wife will detract greatly.

    And if all else fails there is the pastor that requires the older women of the church to teach the younger women of the church :) which isn't being done to often these days I fear.
     
  16. Pastor J

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    Those are great qualifications, but they are all for the Pastor. Scripture doesn't say that it is for both. We need to be careful how much assuming we do when it comes to Scripture.
     
  17. Dr. Bob

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    That is a good question. How would you label yourself?

    And my question related to the husband, too - if HE were saved at 20 and was pastor after 2-3 years, would HE be a novice?

    Most would say YES to the husband. I was drawing the parallel to the wife.

    (BTW, I do not know you or your husband and try to stay away from Tennessee as much as possible!!)
     
  18. scubablt

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    Why in the world would Dr. Bob want to label a person a 'novice' based on years instead of experience? Often times what you know is based more on "experience" than "years." You could be around for only two years but have been doing many different things and could have been very active doing ministry for 325 days a year lets say, or you might have been around for 10 years or more but only did something ministry wise about 50 days a year. Which is the novice? I know a minister's wife who has been with her husband for 35-years in a very long-term ministry (music minister) but she has virtually done nothing in the chruch in those years! She often does not even attend much less do anything ministry or service wise! On the other hand, the youth minister has been in the same church about 5-years, and his wife does Sunday School, children's choir, Youth work, mission trips and local mission work, and several other things in the church. Who is the novice and who is the neophyte? You be the judge, b ut I know whihc I would select if it came to pikcing one to do an important task in the church.

    BLT
     
  19. exscentric

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    PastorJ

    You said "We need to be careful how much assuming we do when it comes to Scripture."

    My first thought when reading the sentance was "Well, duuuhh!" :)

    I am very careful in assuming by normally not assuming what Scripture doesn't say.

    Imply "1 obsolete : ENFOLD, ENTWINE
    2 : to involve or indicate by inference, association, or necessary consequence rather than by direct statement *rights imply obligations*
    3 : to contain potentially
    4 : to express indirectly" Merram-Webster

    I was thinking in relation to definition three. We might see or we might draw an application, we might use as a guide, don't think I indicated they were qualifications for both, just suggesting what I suggested would be very good for a wife.

    If my usage of the word is improper or offensive, sorry, meant nothing of the sort which you seem to have taken it. Sorry :)
     
  20. FBCPastorsWife

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    That is a good question. How would you label yourself?

    And my question related to the husband, too - if HE were saved at 20 and was pastor after 2-3 years, would HE be a novice?

    Most would say YES to the husband. I was drawing the parallel to the wife.

    (BTW, I do not know you or your husband and try to stay away from Tennessee as much as possible!!)
    </font>[/QUOTE]I would label myself as a pastor's wife who supports everything her husband does. I try in every area to support him with prayer and labor. So, I don't think anyone in that role should be considered a novice.

    Now as far as my husband...He's only 24 :eek:
    He was saved at the age of 15 and was called to preach when he was 17. He started out preaching at the local assisted living facilities and then he was appointed as interim youth pastor. He has served as Children's Ministry director and as an assistant pastor. July of last year he felt led of the Lord during a tent revival to start an IFB church in Wilson Co., TN. It has been a blessing for us both. At the beginning of next year he plans on going full-time at the church as he wants to devote every waking minute to his people and the people in that county. At this moment he doesn't get paid by the church and not many pastors in this day want to do that!! So...I don't really think he would be considered a novice either.
     

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