Please help me Understand

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by ur2warped, Aug 6, 2003.

  1. ur2warped

    ur2warped
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    Hello all. I am a 36 year old man that has been married to the most wonderful woman in the entire world for seven years. We are both Christian and love the Lord with all of our hearts. We met when she was in college and took our vows two years later in a church. Last year my father went to be with the Lord and left us by our self in Florida. So this year we have decide to move to Tennessee to be around her family. We are not Independent Fundamental Baptist but all her family is. Last year while I was talking to one of her cousin who is going to college in Texas to be a preacher. The subject of dating came up and was told that me and my wife would not be allowed to date if she had gone there. This means I would have not been able to marry her. The reason that I was given was that we are from different races. You see I was born 90 miles off the coast of the USA on island call Cuba. Which makes me a white Hispanic and she is White American. The funny thing is we both have done our family trees and my fore fathers came to North America (Cuba) via Europe before hers. So I don’t understand why Christian would not allow me to date her. My biggest fear is if they feel that different race should not date how do they feel about our marriage? Can some tell me where I can find this rule in the bible?

    P.S As Independent Fundamental Baptist are they going to try and break up our marriage and destroy the vows we made to Jesus Christ?

    May God keep you and bless you.
     
  2. Joseph_Botwinick

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    This is not in the Bible. They are probably not Christians. They are definitely a bunch of bigots.

    Joseph Botwinick
     
  3. Squire Robertsson

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    Welcome to the vaguries of racism (an ungodly philosophy if there ever was one) in these United States. That is the bad news. The good news is that there are plenty of IFB churchs that would welcome you. You don't say what part of Tennessee you are moving to. I'd guess that you would more easily find a warm welcome in a urban setting than in a rural one. But, that is a only a guess and I could just as easily be wrong as right in it. Remember the "I" stands for independent and that is what we can be sometimes. Just because one congregation doesn't fit, the one on the other side of town could do so very well.
     
  4. John Wells

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    ur2,

    First of all, I'd warn against stereotyping of Fundamental Baptists. I'm sure you don't like being stereotyped as a Hispanic, right? It may be that the area where you are is a pocket of FBs who have strayed from sound biblical doctrine.

    To condemn your marriage is completely unbiblical. If the church, the family, and the entire area harbor the bigotry you describe, pack up and leave in the middle of the night! :eek: You can't always MAKE people accept you, but you certainly can find many places where you will be accepted.
     
  5. Helen

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    There is ONE race -- the human race. You are both part of it. God bless you in your marriage and future.
     
  6. Aaron

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    Now I'm confused.

    Did you marry with or without her parents' full approval?
     
  7. Joseph_Botwinick

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    Ok...maybe now I am confused, Aaron. Is there some scripture which says you have to get the girls parents permission before you marry her? I don't think I actually read that in the Bible. Perhaps you got that from Jewish culture? Were you watching Fiddler on the Roof when you came up with this idea? :D

    Joseph Botwinick
     
  8. ur2warped

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    Okay let me give you a little bit of background on this. First when my wife and I decide to marry I went to both her parents and asked for their permission to marry her. Just call me old fashion. These problems started when her family started to attend this church which follows the styles of a Dr Jack Hyles. Which is not a bad thing because it has brought the love of Jesus Christ into their hearts. But last year when I was visiting them this subject came up and I just did not understand it. Now that we are moving their next month it has me a little worried. So I came here to get some more information on this subject. From what they have told me it seems that Dr Jack Hyles was a great man so how would he condone this at his college?

    Thank you for your time

    May the light of God always shine in your heart.
     
  9. dianetavegia

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    Well shucks, do a web search on Jack Hyles. He is not the man you've been led to believe he is.

    Diane
     
  10. Refreshed

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    Hyles-style theology etc. doesn't represent anything more than a small portion of independent fundamental baptist churches. We are a much more diverse group than that.

    Jason
     
  11. Helen

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  12. Aaron

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    Okay, that clears it up a little. I was thinking, "Gee, you've been married to this girl for 7 years and are just now finding out about their feelings?"

    It's a moot point now that the deed's been done in my book.

    Joseph,
    We are to honor our father and mother. I've never talked to someone who married against their parents' full approval who didn't have serious marital problems (unrelated to the in-laws) later.
     
  13. dianetavegia

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    Well Aaron, I'd like to introduce myself! My mother and father did NOT want me to marry Jim. In fact, they were set on me not getting married for YEARS! I did anyhow and we've been very happily married for 33 years this Oct. My mother left my father on the night of my wedding and they both remarried within months. :eek: I guess they were both so unhappy that they figured I would be too. :confused:

    Diane :D
     
  14. Aaron

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    I knew I'd get someone to pop up with an exception.

    There are always exceptions.

    For example: we know that the one who said "honor thy father and thy mother" also said, "thou shalt not commit adultery." I know one man who years ago left his wife for another woman and has known nothing but bliss since then. That doesn't change the fact that most of the separated couples I've come in contact with have paid dearly for their disobedience.

    "It's cheaper to keep 'er," they say.

    Granted, it's only been in the last six years or so I started paying attention to the parental consent detail, but I'm confident that if we could poll those who got married despite their parents' objections we would find the results to support my statements.

    ;)
     
  15. Askjo

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    What addiction did Jack Hyles and his son Dave have? SEX -- adultery and fornication. How awful are they? Jack went with the Lord shamefully.
     
  16. Terry_Herrington

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    Aaron, what does the parent's permission have to do with anything? I'm not saying that it is bad thing, but do you think that it is required?

    I ask this because of my personal situation. My wife, before we were married, was saved at a church I attended. She is Mexican and I am white. After we started dating, her parents were not in favor. They allowed us to talk on the phone and see each other at church. After two years of dating we decided to get married. Her parents were not happy and her father said he would not come to the wedding. He did relent and our relationship slowly improved. We have now been married for 30 years.
     
  17. Elnora

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    I agree with Helen and the other like minded. My husband is black. When I introduced him to my mom, she took me aside and told me to get that N out of here and don't ever bring him back. I was crushed.

    My dad always told me I was color blind. Not in a nice way. Race was never talked about when I was growing up. We of all colors played and grew up together. So thank God I knew from a child people are people, period. Had they known what might happen they may have indoctinated me into bigotry.

    Hubby was a Christian, we were not. My dad would not even come to my house to see me. If I wanted to see him I had to go alone. He moved away and I never heard from him. When we had our second daughter, I had our oldest when we met. I sent a picture of her to my sister who was living by our dad at the time. My dad fell in love with her. My husband set the best example, I don't know how he took it, I would not have been able had I been in his shoes.

    Some of my family were with me, others not. They all admire, love and respect him now. Most are saved! Just love their daughter and show the love of Christ, be the best example you can and you may win them over. No matter you are to cleave to one another not Dad and Mom. It was worth it all. He is the best thing that ever happened to me after meeting Jesus.
     
  18. Elnora

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    Ok Aaron, I am the third example so far, married without the blessing of our parents. It's been 31 years almost 32. Like Diane my parents divorced. Mom was married four times. My dad three.

    My oldest sister has been married 40 years, baby sister(she's 35 years old) 15 years (I may be wrong here, if I am it's 16), oldest brother would still be married to his first wife, she chose other men and divorced him. His second wife and he have been married 25 all with out blessing of parents.
     
  19. LauraB

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    I do not believe they are true IFB. Sounds as if their doctrine is a bit warped.

    I am IFB and I never heard of what you are speaking. Aren't we all different races? I am Italian and my husband is Swedish. Different races to me!

    If you do move, find yourself a diffent IFB church. If you are moving in the Chattanooga area look up a Evangelist named Darrell Dunn. He works out of a IFB church down there and he is wonderful. He has a son who also is and evangelist David Dunn and Betty Dunn is the wife.

    Good luck finding a good honest bible believing church.
     
  20. Joseph_Botwinick

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    But, we are also to leave our mothers and fathers and cleave to our spouses. Right? And didn't Jesus also say something about the Word of God dividing families?

    I've never talked to someone who married against their parents' full approval who didn't have serious marital problems (unrelated to the in-laws) later. [/QUOTE]

    This is good life experience and anctedotal evidence, but still doesn't really deal with what Scripture says.

    Your good friend who feels like bustin your chops tonight... :D ,

    Joseph Botwinick
     

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