Pondering My Mother's Death

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by mozier, May 3, 2007.

  1. mozier

    mozier
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    Hello Everyone,

    I know it has been quite a while since I last posted on the board (save for a rather lame one yesterday on my ethnic makeup), but now I am back because I need to spill out my thoughts and feelings pertaining to the recent passing of my mother, who died last month at the age of 71.

    Mom's death was a terrible hit for me. She suffered from an incurable circulation disease for years, which finally took her life. I saw mom suffer terribly because of this cruel illness, and now people are saying that she is no longer suffering. I am told that I can be comforted, knowing that she is now at peace.

    But you see, I cannot.

    My mother was a Roman Catholic. She prayed to Mary all of the time and believed in all sorts of visions that "The Blessed Virgin" apparently did to young children and the like (Fatima, Lourdes, etc). She was always afraid of what these messages said, that God was furious and so was going to severely punish the earth unless we all prayed to Mary's Immaculate Heart. I told mom not to believe such things and to keep her focus on Jesus only. I told her that Mary could not save her, but Jesus could and would if only she would repent and trust on Him. She said she did, but did she? Her worship of Jesus consisted of taking Holy Communion and praying to this "Divine Mercy" Jesus, in which Jesus allegedly appeared to to some Polish nun in the 1930's and told her that if people prayed these beads each day, then He would bless them and have mercy on them. My mother prayed with these beads each and every day.

    So what am I trying to say here? I am saying that I do not know if my mother was saved or not, and I get a feeling it is the latter. I know in my mind that if my mother died in her sins, then there was nothing I could have done about it. But in my heart, I am absolutely sick over the possibility that my mother died a christless death.

    When I left Roman Catholicism, it broke her heart. It was an impass that we never got over. I always wanted to fully share the gospel with her, but never completely got to it. And now that she is gone, I fear the worst. I wish I could be comforted here, but I cannot. I feel that all I can do is trust in Jesus to comfort me, as He always does, but still I think I will always have a hard burden on my soul because of this. Though I want mom to somehow be saved, and maybe I did get through to her, I get a horrible feeling that she (and my dad who preceded her in death) are eternally damned. And there is not a thing I can do about it.

    (Note to Board Administrator: if this is not the appropriate forum for this, please move my post to the one that is. Thank you --- mozier)
     
  2. Martin

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    First let me say that I am very sorry to hear about your mother's passing. Second don't focus on feelings. Feelings come and feelings go based on a whole series of things that have nothing to do with reality. Third leave her fate in the hands of God. She said she repented and turned to Christ. Whether she did, or did not, is not your fault. You and I can't control what other people do or fail to do. At the end of the day we are all responsible for the choices we make in life be they good or bad. Fourth maybe there is nothing you can do for your mother now but I am sure you have other family members and friends who need to hear the gospel.
     
  3. donnA

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    My grandmother was RCC, and she had a long drawn out death, and suffered greatly, in the end I was praying she'd die. And I only wanted to say, I agree 100% with Martin. My grandmother told us before she had her surgery that lead to 5 months of hospitals and never breathing on her own again and never talking to us again that she had trusted Jesus to take away her sin, she had repented to Him. I believed her and believe I will see her again.
    Never trust your feelsings, they are flawed and ruled by the moment, not facts.
     
  4. Helen

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    mozier,

    The Lord loved your mother far more than you did. He did everything possible for her. If she trusted Jesus, apart from everything else, you may yet see her in heaven. Will not the judge of all the earth do right?
     
  5. Tom Butler

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    mozier, we on the BB hurt for you and ask God to give you peace.

    Let me offer this thought. I have Roman Catholic friends who say they have repented of their sins and trusted Christ for salvation.

    They mistakenly believe, as we know, that other things must be added. The sacraments, the Rosary, etc.

    We believe that repentance and faith, and nothing more, brings salvation to the soul. We could do other things, even believe they are necessary for salvation, but they would be of no effect. I believe that once one repents and believes, they are saved, regardless of what they do, mistakenly, after that.

    That's why I believe some Catholics may be truly saved despite their church's teachings. Yet none of really knows the heart of another, so in the final analysis, we must leave this matter with God.

    I hope this will be of some help.
     
    #5 Tom Butler, May 3, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2007
  6. no_brainerz

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    Hi mozier,

    I'm sorry to hear your mother passed away. I know what you are feeling right now because like you I lost my father and my brother two years ago. The events affected me that much to the point that I almost lost my sanity. Both died of violent means. My brother was robbed and was stabbed on the heart and my father was shot on the head. But I know they are both in heaven.

    But a few years before that, my grandmother passed away when I was 14. She had her 3rd heart attack and it was fatal. My cousin and I were taking care of her at the hospital. For how many times I feel like the Holy Spirit was telling me to share the Gospel to Mommy (that's what we call her) but then something was stopped me to do that. Instead of sharing the Gospel to her, I shared it to my cousin instead and she got saved. When school finally came, we both had to attend classes and weren't able to visit her in the hospital. After several days my mother came to my school and told me that Mommy passed away. I felt like heaven and earth just fell on me. I felt so terrible, awful and I was mad at myself. How I wish I told her about Christ before she died. For months I kept on blaming myself because I might have sent MOmmy to hell because I didn't tell her about Christ. I loved her so much because she loved me way more than all my other cousins. I was the eldest among her grandchildren. Also for several nights after her burial, I kept on dreaming about her coming back and then leaving me again. But then she was always smiling as if she was assuring me that she was okey.

    Then one of our family friends, Ate Susan, told us that before Mommy passed away, she told her about Christ and how to be saved. From then on I kept on praying and hoping that Mommy did get saved. By the way, my grandmother was a Catholic too. But she was attending our church whenever she stayed at our place.

    So you see mozier, please don't blame yourself like I did. It will only weaken your faith in God because by the time you're done blaming yourself, you may not notice that you may be blaming God already. God already did his best to reach your mother, the problem is you just didn't do your part. But I believe that God will use other people to at least inform your mother regarding salvation in Jesus Christ. Let's just hope in God's grace that she's really saved. :godisgood:
     
  7. Bartimaeus

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    moz, I understand fully. My father made a profession of his faith in Christ when I was eight yrs old. He was drastically different in his walk and all of his life. Then.......some rude people at church offended him by embarassing him publically and then he started backsliding a little. He was looking for excuses and saw the deacon from our church in a place where he shouldn't have been. Twenty years later he embraced Romanism. He died at 56, I have some hope but not absolute hope. Only the Lord knows for sure. What helped me is that the Lord gave me healing in my heart concerning my fears. All of what I explained has not changed but God has helped me deal with it. I am praying that the Lord will heal your heart.

    Bartimaeus
     
  8. DodgeRamFanatic

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    I know how you feel. There's nothing like that awful feeling of not knowing whether a loved one asked the Lord into their heart before they died. Don't really know what else to say, except, God is in control. Ask for His grace--He's got a full supply. Check out Heb. 4:16.
    DRF
     
  9. DQuixote

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  10. moscott

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    mozier,

    So sorry to hear about your loss. I am going thru a similar situation with the passing of my father on 4/20/07. As important a topic as this is , it is astounding to me that it isn't dealt with ANYWHERE in the Bible and I have not found comfort either. There is plenty about death, grieving, salvation, no salvation etc...but nothing about the living having to cope with the rest of their lives when a loved dies without salvation. While I have not found peace on this matter, it has subsided a little with the prayers of others and I'm sure God's grace---I will be praying for you and your loss.
     
  11. Trotter

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    I have been in your shoes (with my sister), and there are no easy answers.

    As far as I know, my sister was not saved when she dies. I had shared the gospel with her several times, but she had always turned me down. When she died, I was devastated and I lashed out at God. I was furious that He would let her die lost. I stayed like that for a long, long time.

    Please, turn to God for help, not in anger. I am still repairing my relationship with Him. He never turned His back on me, but all the damage was done by me and to me.

    We do not have the answers, but He does. While He does not share them with us, we can rest in that knowledge.

    It still saddens me about my sister. She dies two weeks after graduating with her PhD in psychology, and it seemed so senseless. I know realize that He had a purpose for her life, whether I knew it or not, and I now can praise Him with a clear and contrite heart. And I know, one day, I will bow at His feet and praise Him no matter what.

    I will pray for you, and am praying as I type this. Stay with God, cling to Him as if your life depended on it. Cry into His shoulder and pour out your heart to Him, because He will never tire of hearing you. he is faithful and just, even when we don't see it right now.

    Go with Him.
     

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