Remarriage meddler

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by mountainrun, Jan 12, 2006.

  1. mountainrun

    mountainrun
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    I need advice from pastors only please.
    Here's the situation.

    My sister-in-law attends one of those "home" churches. Bad news, I know.

    She had got it in her head that since remarriage after a divorce for reasons other than adultery is adultery, it is her mission to inform remarried couples that they need to get a divorce.

    She has just separated a young couple with two children, ages 1 and 4.

    Some background....

    The sister-in-law has come from a life of "exotic dancing" and fornication to a radical fundamentalist Christianity.

    She is anti-Halloween, which is not far afield, and anti-Christmas. She has been a head covering advocate and recently abandoned this stand.

    This is all well and good, except she gets on a crusade about things.

    We all pretty much let these things run their course but now that she's into wrecking marriages I would like advice from someone who has either insight or experience in this situation.

    My wife is inclined to "knock her down and beat some sense into her" but I have dissuaded her of that. For now.

    I know. She should get into a church with a good pastor and wise, mature believers.

    She won't, seeing as all the wisdom she has aquired in her several years of Christianity is far superior to anything she has found in the mainstream. :rolleyes:

    She is presently going to undertake a 5 week Bible study on the topic, led of course by the couple who put this idea in her head.

    Ideas? Suggestions? Karate lessons for wife?

    MR
     
  2. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory
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    Sadly, this teaching is not uncommon.
     
  3. mountainrun

    mountainrun
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  4. gb93433

    gb93433
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    I have dealt with some like that. One of the ways I found to deal with them is to tell them that spirituality is not measured by rules and regulations but by relationship. If we measured our relationship with others by rules and regulations it wouldn’t be much. But we do know if we have a good relationship with someone. God wants us to have a real relationship with Him. A relationship is not measured by a list of rules and regulations by which we can boast. We cannot boast about a relationship with Him. But we could boast about a hierarchy or rules and regulations. A hierarchy of rules and regulations parallels legalism and Gnosticism.

    People who often come from situations out of control later seek out situations where they are controlled. Once they realize that God is in control they sometimes find that freedom difficult because they do not know what to do. They often equate freedom with promiscuity, etc. The real result is that they are in bondage.

    It is the gospel which gives freedom in Christ. It is rules and regulations that an makes which shackle us. God gives freedom not bondage. We please God because we are led by the Holy Spirit not by some other control freak. Control freaks do not understand the love of God and His sovereign work.
     
  5. mountainrun

    mountainrun
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    This seems to reach right directly to the heart of the matter.

    This is something Jesus might have said. He always saw the true problem and knew that the heart was the issue, not the rules.

    I will ponder this and how to communicate it to my sister-in-law.

    I feel no further replies are necessary that do not follow this line.

    {I have already been taken to task via PM for badmouthing home churches.}

    Your post has moved me, brother.

    MR
     
  6. gb93433

    gb93433
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    Continue to pray for your sister in law and allow God to open the door at the right time if He wants you to say something.
     
  7. Brother Ian

    Brother Ian
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    gb93433 gives some good guidance. I would encourage her to study the Scriptures herself and become fundamentally grounded in the Word. Much poor teaching can be corrected when we know the Truth.
     
  8. Shiloh

    Shiloh
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    Let your wife have at it!
     
  9. bobbyd

    bobbyd
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    OK, so divorce is a sin, except for those based upon Biblical grounds...i think we would with that.
    Do you then "fix" that sin by sinning again (through another divorce on unBiblical grounds) if you have remarried?
     
  10. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory
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    Also, was the first marriage biblical? If not, I think it's only a "marriage" in the eyes of the world and not in the eyes of God.
     
  11. Johnv

    Johnv
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    Oh, that's just plain wrong!!!!

    Regardless of why someone got a divorce, if they're remarried and have kids, then what's done is done. Two wrongs do not make a right. Dissolving the next marriage in favor of the first simply serves to make a furth mockery of the institution. Plus, the action neither negates, nor forgives, the prior divorce.

    The NT tells us that anyone who puts his hands on the plow, and looks back, is not fit for the Kingdom. I know that this analogy was not written for this situation, but I think it fits well.
     
  12. mountainrun

    mountainrun
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    This is all good advice but I think the best is to try to deal with the heart of the sister in law.

    She says the second divorce would not be a sin since God did not recognize the first divorce therefore the second marriage was not valid.

    {Hope of Glory, I don't know how to answer your thought that God might not have recognized the first marriage.}


    :confused:

    You see what we're up against.

    You've probably seen twisted logic of this sort on this board many times and you can never untwist it.


    MR
     
  13. mountainrun

    mountainrun
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    The last two sentences in my last post were not for Hope of Glory.

    They are concerning my sister in law.

    {I realized how it looked in reading it after I posted it. Sorry.}

    MR
     
  14. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory
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    I also think that even if the first marriage is a biblical marriage, if the bond is broken and a new vow is made, breaking that second vow is as much sin as breaking the first vow.

    Perhaps you shouldn't do it, but once you do, I don't think you should "undo" it. (I know you can't undo it, you can only break it, but you get my point, I hope.)
     
  15. Circuitrider

    Circuitrider
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    In dealing with the sister-in-law you might want to consider the Saul in the book of Acts. While it is not an exact parallel, he did jump into Christianity with both feet and ultimately was put out to pasture for a time. Finally when he did get back into the harness he was working under a strong and godly man (Barnabas) who no doubt provided teaching, balance and direction. It sound like she needs to get some good instruction and direction from a good church and a strong, biblical pastor. Pendulums are dangerous no matter who gets involved with them!
     

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