Remarrying After The Loss Of a Loved One?

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by tyndale1946, Aug 13, 2002.

  1. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946
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    First of all I want to greet all you ladies in the Lord and if you don't know me I'm Brother Glen... I've met Helen... My mother lost my father six years ago and has decided not to remarry as her and Dad were married over 50 years. My wife and I were discussing being remarried after a spouse passes away. I'm sure if you are middle aged you may remarry but if you are elderly you probably wouldn't... Case in point my mother. My wife says women do not need to remarry as they can take care of themselves... but men that is a different story and they need to remarry because they are lost without a partner. I will probably post this same senario in the Mens Forum later but for now is what my wife says correct? Or is this a two way street and determined by the circumstances?... btw we have been married for 29 years and I would be interested on the point of view from the Womans Forum!... Brother Glen [​IMG]
     
  2. GrannyGumbo

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    Dear Brother Glen~I agree with your wife because she is right! heh-heh. [​IMG] No really-if I were to ever lose my one & only husband of all these many years, I could NEVER love another, nor would I want another.

    I have been too spoiled by my Sweetheart & NO ONE could EVER take his place! It would be so hard to go on without him, but I would be far happier alone, than trying to serve another man while mourning the loss of my great love.

    On the other hand, I think all men need a "good" woman to take care of them; wait on them, serve them, love them, treat them with kindness, with respect, etc...ya get the idea! ;) That's what it's all about!

    *Our secret is we have always tried to put the Lord FIRST in ALL things & when we slipped & failed to put Him first, we could really tell the difference! :eek:
     
  3. Helen

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    LOL Duane Gish of ICR was widowed about a year or so ago. He is in his eighties. He just remarried a widow and they are delightfully happy together...

    Glen, it really depends on the person, doesn't it? I was not widowed but was abandon, as many of you know. After nine years I married again. But it is a very different love this time around.

    With my highschool sweetheart the world stretched in front of us with all manner of options and possibilities and there were new babies and rose colored glasses and perfection to strive for, or at least the appearance of it!

    It was impossible to imagine anything going wrong.

    With Barry it is a much deeper, more satisfying love. It is totally mutual and much more realistic about our future and our options. We both have baggage we brought in, both emotional and family-wise. We are both much more mature in the Lord than years a go and the joy and peace I feel with him are simply from the Lord.

    And yes, there was another fellow who could have given Barry a 'run for his money' at that time.

    But both of these men are mature Christians and know how to laugh at themselves and are very easy to be around. If one of them had not shown up, I would have preferred being alone, despite the sometimes desperate lonliness.

    Can I take care of myself? Only partly. When I hurt I want to be held. When I'm tired I want someone else to watch Chris while I nap. When I'm sick, I want someone else to water the flowers and feed the dogs and answer the phone. When I'm confused I need another head for logic and prayer.

    For me it is not good for woman to be along, either... [​IMG]

    On the other hand, there are some widows who seem to do quite well. I don't know many widowers, though -- I guess they do get remarried rather quickly.
     
  4. Dr. Brigit

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    It's funny, Joshua & I were just talking about this last night. I think that if I were widowed I would move up to a cabin in Montana and enjoy the solitude. I can't imagine anyone else filling the role that he fills.

    Of course, I hope I never have to find out.

    Brigit
     
  5. Abiyah

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    My husband and I, haviing both been widowed.
    know a little about this. I was widowed at the
    age of 27; he a little more than 9 years later at
    38. After the greief period, I dated some, but
    was extremely disappointed in available men,
    especially the "Christian" ones. I decided that
    marriage was out of the question for me.

    For my husband, his wife knew she would die
    some day in the not-tooo-distant future, and
    she suggested that he consider me--a fact I
    did not learn until after we had been married a
    while.

    He could not have made it single---plain and
    clear. I could have. But the Lord wanted us
    together. I fought the thought all the way to
    the ceremony, but now, we have been married a
    little over 15 years.

    He and I have talked. He needs to remarry,
    should I go before him. I just informed him of
    my thoughts about this last Sunday. I hope he
    will.
     
  6. donnA

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    I can't imagine ever loving someone like I I love my husband. I would never want another husband, I can't imagine ever sharing what we have together with anyone else.
     
  7. Thankful

    Thankful
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    I was married to my children's dad for 34 years.
    I said that I would never marry again that I would just go to our retreat at the lake, read, and be alone. He died suddenly. I went to the lake but I immediately became involved in the church there. I did not sit alone in solitude as I thought I would. I went on trips and stayed very active.

    It was through one of these trips that I met my second husband. We were married a little over 5 years. He was older and died of cancer. Again, I said that I would never marry again. I kept promising myself this because I could get along just fine by myself, at least that is what I thought.

    I did pray that if the Lord wanted me to marry again would He please send me a younger man, a Christian, a Baptist, and a Deacon would be nice.

    At the same time, the church was praying for a wife for a certain deacon whose wife had passed away two years before.

    Even though I kept saying no when he proposed, I did finally say yes and we were married January 19, 2002. We are extremely happy!!! The Lord works in mysterious ways. Oh yes, he met my criteria and I met his. I am so glad that I didn't keep the promise to myself to not marry again.
     
  8. Helen

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    Congratulations, Thankful! God bless you both!
     
  9. Sherrie

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    Hello!

    It is really easy to say if one of your spouses die, that you would never re-marry again. Life is un-assuming without the other. Or just un-imagineable without the other. No one better not ever touch my spouses things or else! Or what about my older or younger childrens feelings. Or I loved my spouse so much nothing can replace those feelings.

    I am a widow. I am 48 years old. I don't know if thats old, or young, or in the middle. I would like to think middle young. :D But life is not as you would think. I long for the days when me and my husband were together studying Gods word, or going for a drive, or out to eat, or sitting in church together, anything you could possibly imagine about your spouse...I long for with mine. I wish he could have seen our son graduate from school. Tomorrow he leaves for college. I gave him the conversation my husband should have gave him.

    Yes women can make it on their own. Sometimes it can be difficult and a very long road. But hey..women can do it. But Even though you remain close and faithful to God...your insides are just literally torn apart. You long for the days when your spouse could hold you and tell you that they loved you. Your whole life has changed. Everything about you as a person has been transformed into something else. Sometimes you can feel as though you are wandering and unsure of what direction you are suppose to go. You feel as though half of you is missing. You need to find it. The transformation is very hard and a very difficult road to walk.

    You become strong and independent for your kids...and as an example for others who walk in the faith. Even with all these feelings...you are still praying to God you are so very lonely...would it be ok if you weren't. Perhaps he could send you someone who puts God first in His life. and would also like a med. young semi fat but very nice woman with kids...kids married and not married. Who loves you God, first.

    You are very much excluded from the things that you were apart of before, because you were a couple before. Church is the best place for doing this to you...without even realizing it. At first people that were your friend feel sorry for you...then they kind of slowly disappear. Maybe its you....maybe its not. It just happens. Being a widow is a rut. Its a job. To busy proving your ok...making it just fine....live for the kids....crying in the closet. And no matter what people say...it does not get better! The pain is just as real as was from the begining.

    But you have to go on in your life. You have wonderful memories. You automaticly forget any bad if you had a good marriage. But you did not pass on to the other side...no matter what your pain is. Your spouse did. Life and its challenges are still there, and they are waiting on you. You face that pain with God. He does not give you anything you can't handle.

    You have to heal. You have to keep God in your life and lead you. I personly loved my husband so much I can't imagine anyone else. But I am the same one who is saying Hey God...I am med. young and semi fat. Is it possible and if so could someone please be in my life. I am very much lonely. Now that is the most toughest prayer I have ever prayed. Because I really miss my husband.

    See you just don't know what you would do. My mother-in-law was young when she was a widow. She stayed a widow until she died. I on the other hand do not think I will.
     
  10. Rosa

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    Hi,
    My husband and I have been married 27 years. If he were widowed he would need to remarry. If he were not married who would make sure that he took all of his medicines. He has quite a few health problems the greatest of which is his heart condition. He also cannot handle the money so he would need a wife to make sure the bills were paid. But most of all he is loveing and would need someone to give his love to.
    As for me, Yes I would remarry if the right person was sent to me by the Good Lord. I like to care for someone and to have them return the feelings.
    On the other hand, both of my Grandmother's were widdowed. One at age 41 and one at age 62, neither of the married again.
    So, I guess it is a personal decission.
     
  11. Thankful

    Thankful
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    Sherri,

    I feel your pain. I have had it also. You are so correct about being lonely.

    I think I was treated less of a person in church than anywhere else.

    And it seems that we are so labeled as widows. We are not referred to as women, young or old, but as widows. No one refers to us a wives when we are wives, but we are sure singled out as widows.

    I discovered when I married my present husband that he was treated the same way even though he was a man, people soon dropped him as part of their group.

    We will pray that if it is God's Will that you will find a Christian Man to share your life. That God will heal the hole that is in your life.
     
  12. Thankful

    Thankful
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    No one can take your spouse's place, but when a spouse dies, you can love another.
     
  13. Abiyah

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    How true! The fact is that, although my first hus-
    band was killed 25 years ago last April, I still
    love him and could even say that love for him
    has grown. But I love my present husband and
    am Very Gratful to our God for bringing us to-
    gether.

    There are those who would have us believe that
    love dies with the death of a loved one, but it is
    clearly not so. As their memory remains, love
    also remains, unforgotten
     
  14. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    Thank you girls. I need prayers!

    I just want to say to Thankful congradulations on your marriage. And it just feels so right when it is a man of God...doesn't it! I do know I could never go through someone not being saved. I know our relationship would never work. Also what do you have in common? In my case nothing...because my life is so devoted to God and then my kids. I am so happy for you.

    This topic ended up being such an encouragement. I know it was intended to be something else. But what a joy to have such wonderful new friends who can certainly relate and share. God bless!
     
  15. Thankful

    Thankful
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    Brother Glenn, I am not sure that we answered your question.

    Many times it does appear that women can be independent and not remarry, and that men will remarry.

    I have met women who could not take care of themselves. They had to rely on someone, children, brothers, etc. I have also known men who did not marry after their wives died and took very good care of themselves.

    I don't think there is any set pattern. Most of us do not wish to live alone, but sometimes circumstances force us to. I think the important thing to remember is that God loves us and He will take care of us.
     
  16. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946
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    My question was answered adequately... I know there are many situation and circumstances to be considered... What is true for one is probably not true for another. To tell you all the truth I don't know what I would do if I lost my wife?... I guess we all don't know until we are faced with that decision. We can say what we would do but really can only assume until the time comes... It has already come for some and will eventually come for all... Being the loved one gone or the loved mourned... God Bless All You Ladies... I may visit again sometime when I have another question and the courage!... I know you don't bite! Do they Helen?... Brother Glen :D
     

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