Some whine and cheese...

Discussion in 'Music Ministry' started by Sopranette, Nov 1, 2007.

  1. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, here's the deal with the choir:

    Yesterday I went to choir practice, and hanging on the wall was a list of available robes. Mine was on there, first in fact. I know I've missed a couple of practices in a row (car trouble, child with a fever), but I make an effort to show up and practice hard. Yesterday, 8 o'clock mind you, I crammed myself into the car and hightailed it to practice. I went to the binder room for my folder and there were no current booklets in my slot. I was shocked, but went to practice anyway. Sitting in the choir, I waited to see what the song we would practice. Wouldn't you know it, I didn't have the score sheet. Actually this is a weekly thing. I have to ask for a copy every time (don't know them by heart, since the songs are very comtemporary). This is not the first time, not by a long shot. In fact, every time I go, I have to ask for the score...none of the others do. It's very humiliating! So I closed my folder, got up, and left! I'm really starting to think either the choir director doesn't like me, or she just overlooks me, and she's constanltly moving me around. Either way, it hurts! So I closed my meager book of songs and left! If she doesn't want me there, she should have just said so! I'm hurt and angrey, and sad, too. I really wanted this! Although I'm still waiting for some explaination with hope. Now I will sing in the back row at church, because NOONE sings back there. Maybe that is what God has called me to do. I can't stand cliques and favoritisem! So I put my book on the table, peeled off my name lable, and left it at that.

    love,

    Sopranette :tear:
     
  2. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2003
    Messages:
    3,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sorry you feel that way, Sop. You really need to talk with your director one on one. Don't assume anything. She's obviously assuming you don't want to be there, and look how much trouble that already has caused. Don't boil over yet. Communication seems to be the key here.
     
  3. Karen

    Karen
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2000
    Messages:
    2,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    When you missed those times, did you let the choir director know why you had missed and how you were looking forward to being able to be back?

    Did you miss enough times in a row without contacting them that they could reasonably think you weren't coming back?
     
  4. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    Time and time again, brother Rhodes. She's a most impatient woman. NO EXCUSES. Most of the choir members are older, retired or with grown children, so they don't have the constraints and can be there every time. I have noticed that, when the elderly singers can't be there for health reasons, she doesn't even seem to notice they're not there. Expendable, really. Very cold, IMHO.

    Karen, I tell her every time the next week after a missed practice, why I couldn't come. She just brushes it aside. I always add I miss practice terribly and want to sing next time. I miss maybe two get togethers in a row.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
    #4 Sopranette, Nov 1, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2007
  5. PJ

    PJ
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
    Messages:
    3,952
    Likes Received:
    0
    Please, reacess the situation, and reread your post. Perhaps the reason she moves you around is because of your grand musical talent and willingness to be flexible.

    If it's true that actions are followed by reactions, what is your hope for the outcome?

    My advice? Don't let a choir robe or a piece of music get the best of you. Be patient, and be careful not to deem your actions a test. :thumbs:
     
  6. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'll wait a week or two, see what she has to say. Coincidentaly (or not), I ran into a member of my old choir yesterday. She said, with the Christmas play coming up, they missed me.....hmmmm.....

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  7. Aaron

    Aaron
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2000
    Messages:
    15,646
    Likes Received:
    223
    Choirs are notoriously clique-ish. If it were myself, I'd confront her in front of the group. "Mrs. Music-Snob [use her real name of course], What are your feelings about my participation in the choir? It looks to me like you aren't happy about it. I'm always having to ask for my score, etc., etc."
     
  8. tinytim

    tinytim
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/tim2.jpg>

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Messages:
    11,250
    Likes Received:
    0

    Use her real name? :laugh: Can you imagine if she doesn't!!!

    Sopranette, We are looking for some good Choir members, move to WV, and help us out!!! I would love to have help... We are actually looking for a director, our director got called to pastor another church a few months ago, and I am the only one with experience, so guess who is directing the Choir!!

    As a side note...
    The main rule I have with attendance and Choir practice is this:
    If you haven't showed up to practice the song, don't expect to sing it on Sunday morning.... But usually we practice the songs 3 weeks in a row before singing them, unless I know the choir has sang it before, so unless someone misses 3 weeks in a row of practice, they should be able to sing the song.

    Seriously, pray for us we need a Choir director and Piano player....I need a break!!!
     
  9. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2003
    Messages:
    3,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think that's the best idea. Then they both come off as "music-snobs" and other words I can't use here.
     
  10. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    If I could I would, tinytim! I have come to like you over the past few months. However, NC is my home now. And you're right; if I miss a practice and don't know the song, I sit that one out next Sunday. What's the point of lip synching, or worse, fumble through the song because I don't know it. Maybe I AM a "music snob", but really I just want to be treated equally. Doesn't everyone? No wonder this choir doesn't keep new members for very long!

    love,

    Sopranette
     
    #10 Sopranette, Nov 2, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2007
  11. Aaron

    Aaron
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2000
    Messages:
    15,646
    Likes Received:
    223
    I'm only half-serious of course. It may not be the best idea, but it's better than sitting in the back and fuming. :thumbs:
     
  12. tinytim

    tinytim
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/tim2.jpg>

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Messages:
    11,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Take my advice please... pray before doing anything.
    It is easy to see you are hurt...
    And angry...

    And you know logically, that acting while hurt and angry makes matters worse....

    I know this is hard, but you have to think with your head here, and not your emotions...

    Then after you calm down, go to the person like Jesus said... in Matt 18. for the sole purpose of making peace....
    It could be as simple as a misunderstanding...
    Maybe the Choir director doesn't understand his or her actions are hurting people. (you)

    I wouldn't confront her in front of the choir (as Aaron suggested) Do it the way Jesus said to ... alone.

    Then if you don't get any results, take someone with you... maybe the person in authority over the choir director.

    Again, it is not to get them in trouble, but to make peace...and get the choir back to worshipping God.

    But my guess is, if the Choir director wants to serve God, and loves God, they will apologize the first time.

    Just make sure you go with a broken heart, not an angry spirit...
    And you are angry right now... so wait.
     
  13. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, I am praying for a calm and sober mind before I do anything, a tall order for me! True, I can't think of doing anything but be spiteful right now. So I'll wait and pray.....Oh! And my idea of sitting in the back rows to sing is not to fume, but rather to get people sitting there singing for once!

    True story: I was sitting in the next to last row one Sunday, and there was a couple with maybe a five year old with them behind me. The music director (not this one) felt moved to sing "Jesus Loves Me This I Know". The little boy and I were the only ones singing back there. I guess the other adults felt too mature for this lovely song. Poor little guy was singing his heart out...tone deaf but really cute..when his Daddy told him to hush! Can you imagine that? I felt terrible for him!

    love,

    Sopranette
     
    #13 Sopranette, Nov 2, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2007
  14. TaterTot

    TaterTot
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    I guess I look at this from a choir director's perpective - I just dont see the crime here. THings get misplaced. New comers borrow absentee's things. Yall are talking like the lady did some horrible offense. IT was probably an oversight, if she is anything like me. I dont personally hand out music to my members. And I dont beg them to sing. If they want to, they will.

    Maybe just give her a call or something and have a friendly chat. I bet its not really anything to worry too much over.
     
  15. Sopranette

    Sopranette
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    Tatertot, it's just me she does this to. Everyone else has a robe and music waiting for them when they show up. And, yeah, I do take it personally. Still in simmer down mode, though. I'll give it some more thought. The "available robes list" was the knock on the head, though. I really don't like the feeling I have on this subject now, it's very uncomfortable. I pray it will be replaced by something more pleasant. Only then will I be able to call her up.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  16. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good advice, Tater Tot!

    By the way, some choir directors move people around so that the choir learns to blend better. It's nothing personal. As far as not having the music, it's probably just a simple miscommunication. You can't read the choir director's mind, and she can't read yours. Talk to her. Maybe you could offer to help organize the music? If I recall from your previous posts, you haven't been attending this church very long, right? It takes a while for people to adjust to each other, so I wouldn't be too hasty to run off. Maybe you're the one they need to help encourage the older members.
     
  17. Aaron

    Aaron
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2000
    Messages:
    15,646
    Likes Received:
    223
    That's the big IF. Ain't it?
     
  18. Steven2006

    Steven2006
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2006
    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    0
    Assuming everything is exactly as you have perceived it, then it is really the Choir directors problem. She obviously has issues, and you should never let someone else's issues become a problem for you. Maybe God has placed you in that situation to be an example to her and/or others in the choir. If you can face this trial with Godly cheer maybe, just maybe that will be exactly the witness somebody there needs. The way I see it, it is really about how you are going to deal with it, that is the real issue here IMHO. You will be in my prayers.

    Jam 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
    Jam 1:3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
    Jam 1:4 And let endurance have {its} perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
     
  19. TaterTot

    TaterTot
    Expand Collapse
    Guest

    Or maybe she is intimidated by you.
     
  20. annsni

    annsni
    Expand Collapse
    Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    May 30, 2006
    Messages:
    20,165
    Likes Received:
    368
    One thing stands out to me from what you said is that you tell her the FOLLOWING week after you had not showed up why you weren't there. If I were a ministry leader and someone didn't show up and didn't bother to tell me why they weren't there until the next meeting, I'd have some serious issues. Even in our small group - and all the way on up through ministries I'm involved in, CALL. If you can't make it, call and leave a message - or contact them before they leave. If you have a sick child, you know you're not going to go before choir time and a courtesy call would be in order "I'm so sorry I can't make it tonight - Junior has a fever and I just can't leave. I'll be there next week, though." But to say "Oh - by the way, I wasn't here because Junior had a fever last week." really doesn't do it for me. It's the same as not showing up for work then telling them the next day "Oh, I didn't feel well so I didn't come in." I'd not be able to count on a person like that and give them any kind of responsibility because I would never be sure if they were there or not.

    So, I'd call when you know that you're not going to make it and I think that would help matters a lot.
     

Share This Page

Loading...