SS Lesson

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by just-want-peace, Jan 14, 2006.

  1. just-want-peace

    just-want-peace
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    I'm putting the finishing touches on the SBC lesson (Live in Respect) for tomorrow regarding the biblical teachings to honor the elderly.

    One of the main points is that we allow the elderly the freedom of choice in so far as practical and safe.

    Any input re: this particular point from any of y'all that have been through caring for an elderly parent would be appreciated.

    I'm looking for stuff like one friend's mom was adament that she be allowed to cook for the Thanksgiving crowd simply because this was what she enjoyed and wanted to do; she did not see this as a chore, but a pleasure. She did not want the kids to "relieve" her of this job or try to convince her to go out "because you don't need to be doing all that work"! This was something she was still capable of, AND still enjoyed.
     
  2. Thankful

    Thankful
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    My lesson is a little different. It is on the sanctity of life from conception to the grave.

    My husband's lesson is more like yours.

    I have had parents who lived to be in their nineties and I can see the mistakes that I made. I wanted to project what I thought was best for them not what they thought was best.

    Further, I have a darling DIL who has planned for years to have a separate apartment for me in her home. This is very kind and considerate of her, but no, I do not want to live in their home, even in a separate apartment.

    I think she is much relieved that I have a husband who will now take care of me. I have told my family that if at some point, I can't take care of myself, then I have made plans for assisted living.


    Things to consider:

    As we grow older, we become more content with what we have. We do not like change. We like our familiar things and people around us. We like to think we are making our own choices, but we do appreciate the love and concern of our children.

    If at all possible, let an elderly person keep control of his/her money as long as possible. If as a child you must take over for them, be sure that they have some money in their possession, even if they don't go anywhere to spend it.

    I always saw that my dad had cash money. My dad knew when it was time for him to stop driving so he would conveniently misplace his billfold telling my mother that he couldn't drive because he couldn't find his driver's license. My mother several years younger would search and search for the lost billfold.

    Also, I think it is important to go along with the stories that an older person tells even though you may know that they are not exactly correct. They just remember things that way.

    I could sit in a hospital room and assist my dad working all night, but my mother couldn't pretend that way. You know the funny thing is that I was never good at locating a tool or something that my dad would send me to find and even in his delusional state, I still couldn't find the right tool. [​IMG]

    Let them make their own choices and try to find ways to be sure that they are safe. Then at sometime, the child has to take charge of the parent and let me tell you that is one of the most difficult things to do.

    The main point is what makes us happy may not make an elderly parent happy. We look at life differently at each stage in our lives. Hopefully, as we grow older, we do become wiser.
     
  3. Jim1999

    Jim1999
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    Good summary for you, Betty. Also, do remember that old people differ just as younger people do. At 79, I know my limitations. but that doesn't stop me from trying some of those things. My wife and kids have learned to let me find those parameters.

    My wife knows I can function fairly well, but I do forget what day it is, and get quite frustrated because I can't figure it out. She now writes it on the whiteboard each day,,she thinks she is fooling me...by noting what time to-day we will have lunch, and she notes the day and date above her note.

    I forget the simple things, and yet I can preach without notes for 20 minutes and not miss a beat. I quote scripture, but can't always remember chapter and verse at the moment. I learned not to worry about the little things.

    Meals are not important in my mind, but they are extremely important because of my diabetic diet. Wife has found unique ways to remind me of meals without being a bothersome worrywart.

    I have become a strange mixture of absolute patience and no patience at the same time. I get frustrated because I can't lace my shoes, but I can spend hours explaining to a child how to do something.

    I think the key to dealing with the elderly is "to thine own self be true...." and let them be who they are.

    Cheers, and all the best with your class,

    Jim
     
  4. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
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    That what mine is on, but primarily focusing on the elderly.

    THAT is probably one of the wisest thing to consider about caring for the elderly. What is the point of correcting them every time they make a mistake in memory only to hurt their feelings? They are going to remember it wrong the next time anyway!

    My aunt always sternly corrected my grandmother when she began to "lose it". My aunt didn't do this out of disrespect for her mother, but out of fear. It was frightening to see her mother in this condition and I guess that she felt like correcting my grandmother would somehow make her remember it correctly. Of course, it didn't.

    Just go with the flow. The ONLY time that my mother or myself would correct my grandmother was when she would begin to cry and think that my grandfather who had died two decades ago had "left her".

    Sometimes she would say, "You know, he went out to get some milk and bread a good while ago...he ought to be back by now." I would say, "Well, Memaw, he'll be back in a bit." That would pacify her and she would move on to something else.

    But when she would get a trembly voice and cry and say, "I haven't seen Elton for such a long time...why did he leave me? Did he take my babies, too?"

    Well, that is the ONLY time I would ever correct her. I would tell her that he was in heaven with Jesus and loved her very much and that her babies were all fine with families of their own and that everything was just fine.

    We just can't forget that while they are in our care and that we are responsible for even taking them to the bathroom that they are individuals, uniqe and with their own likes and dislikes.

    Good post, Thankful.
     
  5. TaterTot

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    We had the same lesson this morning. For me, I think the main thing is that when they are old and cant care for themselves anylonger, i.e. feeding tube, venitaltor, etc...where's the line? If someone starved a baby, that would be considered murder, but in today's society, we can starve people by withdrawing their feeding tubes, and its "gracious".

    Our class went the route that if we honor the elderly, God will give us longer life. WHile, thats certainly not always the rule, I think we should honor them. We have a generation that is fading away now that will only be read about in history books (WWII generation - and others) We do tend to get so busy that we are really missing out by not sitting and listening.
     
  6. Thankful

    Thankful
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    I regret that this was moved to a debate forum as my post was posted as experience.

    As to the feeding tube, ventilator issue, that is up to the individual to decide and to inform their family as to their wishes and then the respect continues when the family follows the wishes of the person.

    As we grow older, we understand our parents more.

    As to sitting and listening to the experiences of the fading generations that is very important.

    My mother wrote her autobiography when she was sitting with my father in the nursing home. It is a very valuable document for our family. We did not know that she loved horses until we read her book.

    A good thing is to give an elderly person a recording device to tell their experiences for future generations. Now we have access to computers which make it even easier to record our experiences.
     

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