stay at home dads

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by lizajane, Oct 23, 2002.

  1. lizajane

    lizajane
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    This is a question a friend of mine asked. Just curious to see what everyone has to say about it.

    "Is there anything wrong with being a stay at home dad from a Biblical perspective?"

    [ October 24, 2002, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: lizajane ]
     
  2. Johnv

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    No. There's nothing in the Bible that says the man should bring home the bacon and the woman whould fry it. However, there are societal stereotypes against it.

    I've never been a stay at home dad. However, I am now a single dad, as the result of divorce. I've run across great discrimination as such. Not being able to be in the girl's changing area when buying my daughter's clothes (even though there are mothers in the boys changing rooms). Getting grief for taking my 2 year old girl into the men's room with me. Being turned away from mom's day out type babysitting events.

    My most recent experience was having a woman complain to security about me being in the teen undergarment section in Sears(my daighter is now 14).

    Anyway, I'm steering way off topic.... The Bible demands that both male and female be nurturing parents, and nurturing spouses. How we best decide to responsibly divvy up the duties is whatever works for us.
     
  3. AVL1984

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    I know in our case, because I am disabled (we are going through the adoption process), that I will be the stay at home dad. I've already been discriminated against in not only church, but in stores, etc, as stated above by another when I was a disabled foster parent. My wife works, sometimes 60 hours a week. I don't recommend men to be "stay at home" parents unless they have a job that they can do from home, or they are disabled. God made men to be the providers, but sometimes there are unavoidable situations, such as mine and the case above. Adjustments are sometimes hard, especially because of the assumption that the father is just "lazy" and "doesn't want to work", when this may not be the case at all. Just one mans opinion.

    AJL
     
  4. donnA

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    If you'll read the first couple of chapters of Genesis, you'll see how God arraged the family to work.
     
  5. latterrain77

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    “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Tim. 5: 8).

    The Bible is quite clear that a man is required to provide for his family (1 Tim. 5:8) while the woman takes care of the children, family and be the keepers at home (Titus 2).

    Furthermore, the Bible is replete with illustrations of the MAN providing for his family while the woman provides for the home.

    Exceptions? Of course! If a man is disabled or of ill health, if he is unable to find work (even though he must diligently seek work without tiring), or other similar circumstances.

    Can a man provide for his family and still be at "home?" He must avoid being a "keeper at home" which is a privilege granted to the woman (Titus 2). So called "stay at home dads" while the wife goes to work is plainly a violation of 1 Tim. 5: 8, Titus 2, and the entire Biblical picture on the subject. [​IMG]

    latterrain77

    [ October 23, 2002, 07:32 PM: Message edited by: latterrain77 ]
     
  6. Jim1999

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    One of the rules of understanding the bible is to detrmine who is talking to whom, determine the cultural setting, and thene xtract the theological principles. Finally, determine how the theological principles can be applied in life to-day.

    I never try to fit cultures of years gone by into to-day. Times are different. In some areas, work for females exists, where jobs for men do not. Thank God that at least one parent is home for the children.

    Working in the home or out of the home does not negate obeying the principles established by scripture.

    Cheers, and blessings on you,

    Jim
     
  7. Rev. Joshua

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    I've been a stay-at-home Dad for four years, serving churches very part-time during that period (and turning down several full-time offers). It has been tremendously rewarding, and I wouldn't trade one minute of it for anything.

    "Jobs" in a marriage, like anywhere else, should be determined by the person's skills, not their sex.

    Joshua
     
  8. Wisdom Seeker

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    My husband is trying to get his business going well enough so that He can be a "work from Home Dad/Husband" . I would love for him not to have to commute to work every day. Just seeing him working here would be a tremendous blessing to our family.

    The Bible only says that the man is to be the head of the woman and family right? He can do that at home or anywhere really. Well, that's my perspective on the subject. I'm for. [​IMG]
     
  9. latterrain77

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    Hi WisdomSeeker, Joshua and Jim1999. Thank you for your excellent thoughts on this subject of “stay at home dads.” I appreciate what each of you are saying. However, my sense is that the cultural setting of the Bible does not negate its power and meaning for us throughout the ages - including today. Accordingly, I believe the 1 Tim. 5: 8 and Titus 2 standards are valid in our day and age (just as the Biblical statement "ye must be born again" remains valid throughout the ages).

    It is not easy when a man is seeking proper work yet can’t seem to find it. Often, GOD trains us for one career and then we find ourselves in an entirely different one! Who can understand such things? Nevertheless, I remain convinced that it is the man’s holy duty and obligation to provide for his family (assuming he is not disabled or ill) and this duty should never be cast upon his wife to handle in his stead.

    Aside from what I see as the clear Biblical teaching on the subject, my own observation is that such situations (i.e. “stay at home dads”) is a supremely disoriented lifestyle. Nevertheless, I’m thankful to hear that it worked well for you Joshua. I'm aware of many instances where it did not work out AT ALL (big time problems ultimately arose).

    WisdomSeeker, it is very nice to hear your concern for your husband’s happiness. By his continuing to work and provide for his family, he will be illustrating his equal love and concern for you! Dealing with “rush hour” commuting is one of those drudgery’s that mankind has endured for generations. Can a husband “work from home” if he is providing a living for his family by doing so? Perhaps. However, while WORKING from home he must refrain from being a “keeper at home” as Titus 2 flatly grants this activity to the woman.

    Nevertheless, if the man can sequester himself into a private place of the home, without disturbing his wife’s Titus 2 obligations (and she his 1 Tim 5: 8 obligations) then perhaps this might be Biblically allowable. However, the man must be able to provide for his family under this arrangement. He may not, under any circumstances, pawn off his 1 Tim. 5: 8 responsibilities on his wife.

    Let us not forget that the question on this thread concerns “stay at home dads” and I believe the intent of the question was to determine if the man can REPLACE the woman in being a “keeper at home.” The answer to that is flatly NO according to Titus 2. Thank you again for all of your excellent thoughts. It is much appreciated. [​IMG]

    latterrain77

    [ October 24, 2002, 06:50 AM: Message edited by: latterrain77 ]
     
  10. 2Timothy4:1-5

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    Hmmmmm, let's see. Wife makes $33,000 a year, hubby a little over $19,000. Two children which the parents don't want to be raised by "strangers" at day care. Which is easier to survive on, $33,000 or $19,000?

    Dad stays home. This is a no-brainer.

    2Timothy
     
  11. Ben W

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    Stay At Home Dad? Go for it. Your saved under grace not law. The new covenant allows you to run your family the way that the Holy Spirit tells you to.
     
  12. PastorGreg

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    Latterrain is right on the mark on this one. The amount of income of one spouse vs. the other or cultural circumstances make no difference. God's Word is the standard in all cultures at all times and the verses provided are clear. The man is to provide for the family, the wife is to take care of the home. God is able to provide on a lesser income for those who are willing to obey Him in faith. We have done it and so have several other families we know. His faithfulness is amazing. What's $19,000 or $30,000 when He owns the cattle on a thousand hills?
     
  13. Ben W

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    Look closely at Families in the Bible and you will see that both parents work in alot of cases.

    Its interesting to note that the early church worked on a community based system rather that the Capatalist system so readily accepted by the church of today.

    The way families are brought up today is considerably different to the way the early church families brought up their children. No school and the children asisted their parents

    If the family unit can be changed to your Capatalist system it can also be changed to a stay at home dad.
     
  14. 2Timothy4:1-5

    2Timothy4:1-5
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    Well, God's Word may be the standard, but is His Word going to pay the mortgage? Put food on the table? Clothes on the kids?

    2Timothy
     
  15. Karen

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    Speaking very broadly, if we are going to do it the exact way it was done until very recently,
    BOTH men and women should stay at home.

    While many times we decry the societal changes that put women more in the outside paid workforce in the 20th century, we have forgotten about or approve the societal changes of the Industrial Revolution that put most MEN out of the home, for the first time, into the outside paid work force.

    My great great great, great great and great grandfathers were farmers. My grandfather was a farmer AND had a full time outside job.
    My father just had a full time outside job.

    There is a reactionary patriarchal movement (with which I don't agree) that is very keen on men returning home.

    Karen
     
  16. Karen

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    One of my favorite ;) books is a study of Genesis that states that it is wrong for men to have air-conditioning in their jobs.

    After all, the Adamic curse included man making his living by the sweat of his brow.

    We do have to extract the real principle instead of making up rules like no air-conditioning and calling that Scriptural.

    Karen
     
  17. Rev. Joshua

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    Ideally the decision shouldn't be a financial one, but should be based on the skills and personalities of the parents.

    We could have gotten by on my income with my wife staying at home (although our finances would have been worse than they are now), but I am the nurturing, emotionally-oriented one. I'm also the patient one. It was a no-brainer about who should stay at home.

    My guess is that those situations where a stay-at-home Dad didn't work out were the result of the Dad staying at home because he had the lower income - not because he was well-suited to it.

    I've met several happy and fulfilled stay-at-home Dad's, one of whom is a colleague who made the same decision I did at about the same time.

    Joshua
     
  18. Helen

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    I've seen some really good points here, and I LOVE Karen's post on air conditioning!

    Joseph was a carpenter, working out of his home. Jesus' earthly father was thus a stay-at-home father! My husband is a physics researcher. He works out of home.

    If, however, the question is about staying home and 'doing nothing' -- how dare he? :D

    I know what kind of work 'staying home' requires, and it can be pretty daunting when there are kids and pets and a yard and...

    The woman was made for man, to be his help -- a help fit for him. Being fit for him means adapting to the kind of person he is and the kind of work he does, and helping out in whatever way is best for the two of them. If it means the woman is earning the paycheck officially, then that's that. Of course finances are going to have a lot to do with it. It's really nice to have the bills paid and even hit a restaurant once a month or something without going into bankruptcy!

    We tend to marry our opposites, tempermentally (and in terms of sleeping times and temperatures, too!). Thus, what works best for one couple may not be what works best for another. What is healthiest for the children is a harmonious marriage where the husband is the leader of the team. That is providing for his wife and family in a way that can be far more important than always 'bringing home the bacon.'

    Let God lead the couple. Best we stay out of it. Even if a couple is 180 degrees wrong, love and acceptance of their current choices, as long as they are not immoral or illegal (gotta give a little on fattening here... :D ) allows them far more freedom to change as they see what is right instead of forcing them into a defensive corner where they spend their energies defending themselves rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and following HIM.
     
  19. Angie Miller

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    I have never thought about it being Biblically wrong, but I guess deep inside have always thought that The Word said Adam would or man, have to work hard, by the sweat of his brow to survive and the woman would bear terrible pain in child birth. But does that mean a women does not have to work just as hard? and where?
    I know a few stay at home dads and I have to say in these cases it is not that great for the kids. I just truly believe that God planted that maternal instinct in women more then men. Sorry
    I just recently started watching 2 sisters, three and 10 months, whos dad stayed home with them. Let me just say- :eek: wow no structure, no diciplne, no notta! Now this is one case so all of you Dads don't jump my case, I mean no harm. But anyway Mom makes more money and he just won't stay at any job he has. There is where the sterotypes are made. And that is very unfair! :(
    To be disciminated against is horrible and people should be utterly ashamed of themselves. You guys stand your ground! Poo Poo on what people think or say! God knows your heart not these rude judgemental people.
    Hang in there! [​IMG]
    Love in Christ Angie [​IMG]
     
  20. Johnv

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    Good point... Which is better, two working parents, or one stay at home dad? That's a no brainer.

    As for which is better, a stay at home mom or stay at home dad, I don't think a kid cares. a kid would rather have two stay at home parents, which, if possible, is the best choice.
     

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