Teens Dating Other Races or Ethnicity

Discussion in 'Forum for Polls' started by FriendofSpurgeon, Aug 3, 2008.

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What would you do if your teen wanted to date someone of another race or ethnicity?

  1. It is a non-issue

    23 vote(s)
    65.7%
  2. I would talk with him/her about this & allow this

    6 vote(s)
    17.1%
  3. I would allow it, but discourage it

    3 vote(s)
    8.6%
  4. I would not allow this

    3 vote(s)
    8.6%
  1. FriendofSpurgeon

    FriendofSpurgeon
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    What do you think about your son or daughter dating someone from a different race or ethnicity?

    Would it be an issue? Would you talk to him/her about it? Would you forbid it?
     
  2. annsni

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    Totally wouldn't be an issue here. It WOULD be an issue if he weren't saved but I don't think my girls would choose a guy like that.
     
  3. chuck2336

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    I have already had this talk with my daughter. It is a non-issue here but she needed to be aware that it is a huge issue for some in the church and outside of the church and she needed to be prepared for that if she chose to date someone of a different race/ethnicity.

    The big issue for her (and this standard was her choice not my rule) is that the young man is saved or not.

    I say this was not by my rule because she made the choice for herself before I had a chance to say anything.

    I am very proud of my daugher.
     
  4. Joe

    Joe
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    Non issue. Our 17 year old son is not allowed to date
     
  5. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    Not an issue, my children were not allowed to date until after high shool, and then never alone.
     
  6. PamelaK

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    Not an issue here, either. Our teens were not/are not allowed to date.

    If this were to come up at some point, we would not be concerned with skin color/ethnicity, but with salvation, values, and possibly how being raised in different cultures could cause conflict if that entered into the mix.
     
  7. Jon-Marc

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    My younger daughter will be 35 in a few days, and the older one will be 38 in December. My opinion means nothing to them any more.
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    Hang in there brother. Don't stop trying and most importantly, praying for them :saint:
     
  9. FriendofSpurgeon

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    Just wondering (though it is none of my business), why is your son not allowed to date? There are others who stated this too. Just wondering.
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    Our son can hang out with both genders, but dating implies a set up with the intent a romantic relationship may result. He's only 17 yrs old, attends high school during the day until 12:30 then goes to College.

    He is old enough, he is very mature, but it's just being ill prepared to fulfill a godly type of relationship with the opposite gender. Taking on a girlfriend is alot of reponsibilty, and when it happens, I hoped for a "courting type" situation. He will get a part time job tomorrow but it's seasonal. Not much extra $$ to pay for a date after he pays for gas, his cell phone (which we pay now), etc...

    We would have to pay for both of them. Yet that's the least of my worries.

    If he found someone he really likes, then we could bend. We can usually bend on any rule if he comes and asks us, then there is usually a compromise. Sometimes teenagers know a good woman when they see one. If needed, they could marry now and live with us. God says it's better to marry than to burn. We got married at 18, so he is just 6 months younger. He has not been allowed to spend the night at other people's homes except rarely with a few people whom we were friends with their parents.
    As of now, we would be adopting any girl he chose to date as our child to keep them both safe. Not my preference.
    He is not saved, so fornication would only serve to separate him further from God imo, when I am trying to accomplish the opposite. He thought about getting a girlfriend last year, told me he bought a box of c*ndoms "just in case" but the wrong size. Because of that, he really needs to be watched though we always watch him closely. He runs now, eats healthy so that helps alot. He agreed to wait a few years to date after our talk. I think he prefers older women, like around early-mid twenties. He wants to be a pediatrician so that goal keeps him pretty focused.
     
    #10 Joe, Aug 6, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2008
  11. FriendofSpurgeon

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    Thanks for the info Joe. Based on your comments, I understand your concerns.

    Our son who is younger has a girlfriend - but this largely entails meeting at the movies, hanging out at youth group together, and of course, texting. She and her family are Christians and she attends the same Christian school as our kids. She is also from a different racial/ethnic background -- which is no issue with us.
     
  12. rbell

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    3 or so years ago, I had a parent come to me and ask about how I felt on this issue. I started from Scripture...which does not address it. When I didn't outright condemn it (I can't because Scripture doesn't)...they became quite angry and threatened to quit the church. My response (as gracious as I could make it) was, in effect, "Well, I'd hate to see you leave over something like this, but I'm not going to tell you that God has spoken out against something that He hasn't addressed." (translated: "Well, we'll miss you.")

    When I thought about it, I realized that had that question been asked in my neck of the woods thirty years ago, there might have been a posse after my hide by that evening. At least in that area, many Christians have matured.

    As others have said...I'd much rather my son & daughter bring home a Christian of another race, than a non-Christian of his/her own race. It's a non-issue.
     
  13. FriendofSpurgeon

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    Kudos for following Scripture -- probably an uneasy situation where you are. (It would have been the same for me 30 years ago too -- growing up in GA).) Our church (and youth group) iare pretty diverse -- White Americans, Black Americans, Chinese, Cubans, Dominicans, Trinis, Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans, and so forth.
     
  14. JerryL

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    Sad to see that two people posted that they wouldn't allow it.
     
  15. Salty

    Salty
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    It is interesting how many answered "I have no teens..."

    well the OP was :
    Code:
    What do you think about 
    your son or daughter dating 
    someone from a different race 
    or ethnicity?   Would it be an issue? 
    Would you talk to himabout it? 
    Would you forbid it?
    Well, I have no teens, but if I did:

    Any difference can be a potential problem. Whether it is race, section of country, habbits, religion (that includes IFB/SBC) vocation goals...

    Our teens need to realize that marriage is hard enough as it is, and any difference will ony add to that.

    Of course, there is the "what about the kids". Yes, society as a whole is more accepting of 'mixed-race (or fill in the blank).

    I have a bit more, but I figure this is enough for now.
    Salty
     
  16. Born_in_Crewe

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    We are all human so it wouldn't be a big issue for me. Their faith would be more important.
     
  17. Joe

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    Sounds like you did a wonderful job raising him up.

    Good for you. Let him have his girlfriend and grow to be happy in the Lord.
     
    #17 Joe, Aug 11, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2008
  18. rbell

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    Actually, folks like I encountered are a very, very small minority now. In fact, we have several different interracial couples very involved where we are. Except for the family I dealt with, and possibly one or two others, it simply isn't a problem (that's out of 700-800 worshippers...granted, I don't know all of them, but I do know our church leadership, and for them, it's not a problem).
     
  19. FriendofSpurgeon

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    Wow. Times do change.
     
  20. billwald

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    VERY interesting results. It confirms my hypothesis that people are now forming relationships on the basis of education, IQ, and ambition. In other words, self segregating into a upper class and a working class. The upper class will be tan colored. The working class might have lots of rednecks. <G>.
     

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