Test to see if you are Arminian!

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Ps104_33, Jun 6, 2003.

  1. Ps104_33

    Ps104_33
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    Here are just a few questions to determine if you are an Arminian. This is a light hearted look at the emotional base of the Semi/Pelagian doctrine. Do not take this test too seriously as some have. I have missed a few on this test myself. Have fun and read on....



    1. Do you watch TBN (Trinity Broadcast Network)? if yes -1

    2. Do you regularly "come forward" or feel compelled to "come forward" at the end of a church service when the pastor gives the altar call? if yes -1

    3. Do you replace the word 'think' with the word 'feel' when using a sentence? (ie. "I feel that the answer to the question is true.") if yes -1

    4. Do you now carry, or have in your possession, any Jack Chick tracts? if yes -1

    5. When Billy Graham or Bill Bright speak does what they say elicit an emotional response? if yes -1

    6. Do you feel compelled to fast when you are searching for "God's will"? if yes -1

    7. Do you attend a "seeker service"? if yes -1

    8. Do you believe that Satan and his minions are in Hell torturing all damned people? if yes -1

    9. Do you feel compelled to attend Dallas Theological Seminary? if yes -1

    10. Is your pastor a graduate of either Fuller or Dallas Theological Seminary? if yes -1

    11. Do you consider Hank Hanegraaff a theologian? if yes -2

    12. Do you listen to either Adrian Rogers, Charles Stanley or any radio broadcast hosted by Campus Crusade for Christ? if yes -1

    13. Do you agree with any of the 4 Spiritual Laws? if yes -1

    14. Did you read any of the "Left Behind" books or watch the movie? if yes -1

    15. Do you listen to any radio broadcast that is affiliated with Focus on the Family? if yes -1

    16. Are you a Dispensationalist? if yes -2

    17. Do you have any Max Lucado books in your personal library? if yes -1

    18. Do you feel guilty and believe you could have done more if a loved one or close friend has died without "accepting Christ" as his/her savior? if yes -1

    19. Have you used the words "turn or burn" or do you have any Christian bumper stickers on your car? These would also include the fish decal but would exclude pro life stickers. if yes -1

    20. Does your pastor use extended draws at the end of sentences when he is preaching a sermon? ( ie. Praise the Lord..a, Praise God..a, amen....a) and does your pastor cry on a frequent basis when preaching a sermon? if yes -1

    21. Do you have any books by Bill Hybels in your personal library? if yes -1

    22. Do you attend any church that's name begins with "United"? if yes -2

    23. Have you ever had a leg or finger lengthened at a "healing" service? if yes -1

    24. Do you use the word "anointed" on a regular/semi-regular basis? if yes -1

    25. Do you now, or have you in the past, spoken in tongues? if yes -1

    26. Have you ever heard of the following people? Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, John Knox, John Calvin, Martin Luther (not to be confused with Martin Luther King jr.) If no -1

    27. Do you agree with, and promote the writings of Charles Finney? if yes -2

    28. Does your church use a big screen in order to display images during a church service? if yes -1

    29. Have you ever said "Jesus loves you" to a perfect stranger? if yes -1

    30. Do you wear a WWJD bracelet? if yes -1

    31. Do you use the word "just" many times in prayer? (ie. "I just ask for a pleasant day and just help dad get well, and please just bless those around me....etc). The word "just" is used in many Arminian prayers, typically in Charismatic circles. if yes -1

    32. Do you believe that, in your walk of faith, you may have lost your salvation a time or two? if yes -1

    33. Do you attend a Roman Catholic church? (if yes then deduct 10 points. This would place you in the Pelagian circle of faith. If this were a board game then you would go to jail and collect nothing as you pass Go.)

    34. Do you believe Norm Geisler is a theologian? (this sentence is an oxymoron) if yes -4

    35. Are you a member of Promise Keepers? if yes -1

    36. Have you attended a Joyce Meyer's conference? if yes -1

    37. Do you attend an Evangelical Free church? if yes -2

    38. Do you believe that Christ died for every single person that has lived or will live in the future? if yes -2

    39. Do you attend church services on Saturday? ( I ask this because some churches have a believers service on Saturday and a "seeker" service on Sunday. If you answered yes to this question then you probably answered yes to question 7.) if yes -1

    40. Does you church use a Catechism? if no -1

    41. Do you raise your hands during a church service? if yes -1

    42. Do you watch Oprah? if yes -1 ( you may think this has no bearing on the test, but you would be wrong.)

    43. Do you lock the doors, and turn out the lights during Halloween? If so then -1. If you lock the doors, turn out the lights and rock back and forth in a corner rebuking Satan then -3.

    44. Do you believe that most of the troubles of mankind can be traced back to generational curses and omnipresent demons? ie. Do you believe that there is a "demon of alcohol or tobacco" making people sin? if so -1. If you do not know what the word "omnipresent" is then -2.

    45. Do you believe that all references to the word "wine" in the Bible is actually referring to grape juice? if so then -1

    46. Do you believe the word "World" in John 3:16 refers to every living being from past to future? if so then -1

    47. Do you carry John 3:16 signs to sporting events? If so then please stop it, and subtract 1.

    48. Do you believe that God is rooting for the team that has the most Christians at sporting events? if so then -1

    49. Do you believe Christian bookstores are actually Christian? if so then -1

    50. Do you believe that "predestination" is in the Bible? if not then -1

    51. Does your church recommend the book "The prayer of Jabez"? If so then -2

    52. Do you listen to any radio station owned by the Crawford Broadcast company? If so then -1

    53. Do you subscribe to "Christianity Today" or "Charisma" magazine? If so then -2

    54. Do you attend a church that has the word "Life" or "World" in the name? If so then -2

    55. Do you plan to, or have you in the past, attended a Bill Gothard seminar? If so then -1

    56. Do you hold to any part of the dietary laws in the Old Testament? If yes then -1

    57. Do you attend "Women of Virtue" conferences? If so then deduct 1

    58. Do you think Dave Hunt is a theologian? if so then -3

    59. Do you believe Christmas and Easter are pagan holidays? if so then -2

    60. Do you attend a church that only has the Lords Supper once a year, or not at all? if so then -1

    61. Do you have a 10 commandments yard sign in your yard? if so then -1







    If you answered yes to 5 or more of these questions, or 10 points over all then you my friend are probably an Arminian. But fear not, this is curable. One can leave heresy. There are many people who have left the dark, man centered ways of Semi/Pelagianism and have found fulfillment in a Reformed church. Remember, ignorance can be corrected.
     
  2. Major B

    Major B
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    OK, I see the humor here. Howver, as a "new-birth-rite" calvinist (I was saved through a calvinistic ministry, I was discipled in a calvinsitic ministry, and I've never been anything but a calvinist) I propose an alternative list. This list identifies what I will call a "Calvinista" (with apologies [?] to that wonderful group of communist thugs called "Sandinista".)

    ARE YOU A CALVINISTA?

    1. Do you have a fold out sheet stuck in the back of your Bible with "answers" to all the "problem" passages like John 3:16? 1 point

    2. Do you carry one of the following study Bibles? Old Geneva--5 points, New Geneva--4 points, MacArthur--1 point Reformed--4 points

    3. Do you have a "vanity" license plate with TULIP, TULIP1, FVPNTR, or some such variation? 3 points

    4. Do you have Matthew Poole's Commentary?--3 points.

    5. Do you own any of John Gill's books?--5 points

    6. Do you own all of Gill's books?--10 points

    7. Do you own any complete set of any puritan books?--five points per set.

    8. Do the majority of your books come from Banner of Truth Trust?--2 points

    9. Have you worn out Hodge or Haldane on Romans?--2 points

    10. How many Calvinistic systematic theologies do you own? (take 2 points per set, but you may deduct 2 points for every arminian or dispensational theology you own.)

    11. Do you own or carry copies of any of the following statements of faith? Westminster, Abstract of Principles, Baptist 1644, 1689, 1742, New Hampshire, or Savoy. Add two points per set, and subtract 2 points for every arminian statement of faith you own.

    12. Do you own any books by D.M. Lloyd-Jones? Add one point per volume.

    13. Does your church have a plurality of elders?--add 5 points.

    14. Does your church use the Trinity Hymnal? add 10 points.

    15. Does your church have land mines, attack dogs, mean looking elders or some other such thing to keep anyone away from the front of the church?--10 points

    16. Do you secretly agree with Martin Luther that James is "an epistle of straw" ? add 10 points.

    17. If a preacher does not preach on election at least twice a month, do you consider him a semi-calvinist or semi-arminian? 5 points

    18. If a preacher or other believer is a 4.5 or 4.75 pointer because they believe in "efficiency/sufficiency, do you consider them to be really an arminian? 10 points

    19. Have their been any conversions in your church in the last 12 months? If the answer is no, add 12 points. Subtract one point for each conversion, no limit.

    20. If anyone shouts, raises hands, smiles while worshipping, cries while worshipping, or stays completely awake during a sermon, are you concerned that your pastor is slipping into arminianism?--5 points.

    21. Do you wish your pastor would wear black clothes, buckled shoes, and a broad-brimmed hat?--2 points.

    If you score more than anyone else you know, they are an arminian. If you score less than anyone you know, you are an arminian. If you score the maximum possible points and still are concerned that you might be slipping into arminianism, you are a Calvinista!
    [​IMG]

    [ June 06, 2003, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: Major B ]
     
  3. Dan Todd

    Dan Todd
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    Humorous - both of you!!! :D
     
  4. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946
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    You both are a hoot!...I'm ROFLOLBMG... Don't those belong in the Humor Forum?...Brother Glen [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  5. William C

    William C
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    What worries me is that I scored much more on the Calvinistic side then I did on the Arminian side :(

    I've got another one to add to the test for Calvinsta:

    1. Have you named any of your children the following names:

    Calvin, Charles Haddon, Jonathan Edwards

    Or have you created new names for your kids to reflect your beliefs, such as:

    Toby Depravity
    Unconditional Ellie
    Limited Tony
    Irresistable Gracie
    Percy Verence

    Poor kids. :D
     
  6. Pete

    Pete
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    [​IMG] ... I'll laugh, but I won't dare work out my scores for either test :eek: [​IMG]

    Pete
     
  7. russell55

    russell55
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    I have acquaintances who have boys named Calvin and Machen. Do I get points for that?
     
  8. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946
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    Brother Bill... Don't you have any better thing to do than make up names?... How about an Arminian one from Israel... Isav Miself [​IMG] ... Brother Glen :D
     
  9. Pete

    Pete
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    Might not be too far off with names there. A couple of years ago I had a Charles Wesley afternoon at Church, 7 or 8 of his hymns and bit of biography...Anyway, in research for that project I searched for "Charles Wesley" on the web, and found C.W. Smith, C.W. Jones, etc etc.

    Pete
     
  10. BobRyan

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    8. Do you believe that Satan and his minions are in Hell torturing all damned people? if yes -1[/b ]

    Why would Arminians be caught up in that type of error? I don't get the joke on that point.

    In Christ,

    Bob
     
  11. TheTravelingMinstrel

    TheTravelingMinstrel
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    Well, as they say, you are what you eat, so we can determine you theology by your diet.

    Calvinist

    Calvin's Crunchies
    Zwingli's Zingers
    Martin's Munchies
    Soveriegn Sweeties
    Chewy Tulips
    "Sproul Sandwich"
    Pink's Peppermint
    Limitied Luncheons

    Arminian

    Billy Burger
    Grahm's Grams
    Wesley's Wine
    Hunt's Hamburger
    Arminian Alfredo
     
  12. Hardsheller

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    Regretably I named my son Wesley. [​IMG]
     
  13. Monergist

    Monergist
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    I took Major's test,& found out that I must be about a 200 point Calvinist. :D :D [​IMG]
     
  14. Artimaeus

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    The best I can tell, I am a Calminian...but at least I'm not a hyper Calminian. :eek: [​IMG]
     
  15. Abiyah

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    Well, I got 13 points on the Arminian test and 6 on
    the Calvinist test. 8oD You guys are FUNNY!!
     
  16. Salty

    Salty
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    I once went to a Bible Conference on Anminian/Calvinist doctrine. I was a bit late, so I chose to go to the class in the left door. When I walked in the instructor asked me why I came into his class. I informed him I came on my own free will. I was told if that was the case, I was not welcomed. Several in the class took a vote and elected that I should go to the other class. So, I left and went across the hall. The second instructor also asked me why I was comming into his class. I told him I was given a calling by the other students election to be in his class. I was informed I would allowed in his class if I came only by my free will. Oh well,
     
  17. Frogman

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    Surely this is worth more than two points :confused:

    Bro. Dallas
    Matt. 27.25
     
  18. Gina B

    Gina B
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    I passed the Calvinist test! But..I took the Arminian test and passed it first, although not with the flying colors as the former. I repented of the Max Lucado book I read, twice, may I take that point off although the book is still in the house? I really hate to throw out anything in print, no matter the quality. :D
    I should stop in here more often, I was truly laughing out loud! This thread should become infamous! [​IMG]
    Gina
     
  19. BobRyan

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    One more "test"

    -When you see Bobryan's post about the Future Calvinist Scenario - do you respond with - "YES! That is exactly why I am not Calvinist and is exactly what the Bible rejects about Calvinism"

    If so, you are probably Arminian.

    In Christ,


    Bob
     

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