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Things You Never Hear in Church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Revmitchell, Aug 12, 2006.

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  1. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.

    2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

    3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

    4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

    5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

    6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

    7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!

    8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.

    9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

    10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
     
    #1 Revmitchell, Aug 12, 2006
  2. Mishelly

    Mishelly New Member

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    :smilewinkgrin::flower::tongue3:
     
    #2 Mishelly, Aug 12, 2006
  3. Joseph M. Smith

    Joseph M. Smith New Member

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    11. We don't need to lock up this building; let's leave it open so people can come in and rest, pray, or whatever they need.

    12. Let's pay attention during the organ prelude and then let's sit down for a moment after the benediction so we can hear the postlude.
     
    #3 Joseph M. Smith, Aug 12, 2006
  4. Trotter

    Trotter <img src =/6412.jpg>

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    13. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me for the wrong I've done to you."

    14. "OK, anyone who needs a drink or to go the bathroom do so now, so no one will be getting up during the service."

    15. "Pastor, I just wanted you to know how much I admire your dedication. You mean the world to me."
     
    #4 Trotter, Aug 12, 2006
  5. drfuss

    drfuss New Member

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    16. As pastor, I think I am being paid too much.
     
    #5 drfuss, Aug 12, 2006
  6. LeBuick

    LeBuick New Member

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    17 Thanks Bro Pastor for being there for me and my family over the years

    18 You're welcome
     
    #6 LeBuick, Aug 12, 2006
  7. John of Japan

    John of Japan Well-Known Member
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    19. We do so little to reach the rest of the world. Let's up our missions giving by 500%!
     
    #7 John of Japan, Aug 12, 2006
  8. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    I once told a group of leaders who were doing nothing that if it would help I would be willing to get a job and take zero salary form the church if they were willing to work with me. That meant they would have had to pick up some slack. From that point on they worked harder and the church grew a lot because of it.
     
    #8 gb93433, Aug 12, 2006
  9. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    20. Hurrah!! The building and grounds committee has chosen canary yellow and lime green for our new carpet pattern in the fellowship hall.

    21. Does your committee need any help?

    22. Where is the nominating committee? I want to sign up NOW for several church committees!

    23. Vacation Bible School? Why it's my life's ambition to work with 25 three-year-olds all by myself!

    24. You mean there are some elderly people who don't come on Sunday nights because they can't drive at night? Give me their names....I'll go and pick them all up!

    25. Who cares if the soloist is a little off key.....his heart was full of the Lord and that was inspiring enough for me.
     
    #9 Scarlett O., Aug 12, 2006
  10. Trotter

    Trotter <img src =/6412.jpg>

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    Ow, ow, ow... my sides are hurting...

    [​IMG]
     
    #10 Trotter, Aug 12, 2006
  11. AresMan

    AresMan Active Member
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    26. I wish that preacher would just raise his voice a little. I'm craving some adrenaline-pumping entertainment.

    27. I wish that preacher would just calm down a little. Is he speaking directly at me?
     
    #11 AresMan, Aug 13, 2006
  12. LeBuick

    LeBuick New Member

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    28 The wine is running out :laugh: :wavey:
     
    #12 LeBuick, Aug 13, 2006
  13. AresMan

    AresMan Active Member
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    We should compile these into a list of "pastor" and "laymen" comments. Then market their appropriate version of a "Mr. Wonderful" doll.

    1. Pastor Wonderful
    2. Churchgoer Wonderful

    Just squeeze them and away they go!
     
    #13 AresMan, Aug 13, 2006
  14. Jeep Dragon

    Jeep Dragon Member
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    The Churchgoer Wonderful Doll says different random farfetched sentences depending on which places you press him. If you press his pockets, he talks about giving. If you press his feet, he talks about going places. If you press his hands, he talks about service. If you press his heart, he talks about his love for God.
     
    #14 Jeep Dragon, Aug 13, 2006
  15. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

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    INSERT RANT AND VENTING

    Or why he can't give anymore, so preach on something else.

    The mall, the movie, the show... anywhere as long as I don't have to share my faith.

    And even though he's not part of that "20% that does everything" he'll still want it done his way by his standards.

    And goes on and on, regardless of how much he shows that love by the things he says, the places he goes, the way he spends his money, and the service he gives the church.

    Boy, "Churchgoer Wonderful" sounds alot like me - whiny and irritable - when my eyes aren't focused on the Lord. If we're following, obeying, and trusting the Lord to direct and guide us... then all these things will fall into place.

    CLOSE RANT AND VENTING

    Now on with the list. These are truly wonderful! I love them!
     
    #15 Joshua Rhodes, Aug 14, 2006
  16. mcdirector

    mcdirector Active Member

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    28. You always have just the resource I'm looking for here in the media center.
     
    #16 mcdirector, Aug 14, 2006
  17. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    29. Please forgive me.
    30. I'm wrong.
    31. I don't give enough.
    32. I give too much.
     
    #17 webdog, Aug 14, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2006
  18. rbell

    rbell Active Member

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    33. "Oh, pastor, your A/C is fine. No problems at all."

    we have had seven a/c units malfunction this week, including our 15-ton Sanctuary unit totally fail ($25,000 to replace).
     
    #18 rbell, Aug 14, 2006
  19. Jack Matthews

    Jack Matthews New Member

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    34. I see that we disagree on this particular doctrine, but it sure won't interfere with our friendship or fellowship. I'm so glad we can agree on the important things.
     
    #19 Jack Matthews, Aug 14, 2006
  20. Mishelly

    Mishelly New Member

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    That banner the youth group made is just too wordly, wait did I mean just ugly
     
    #20 Mishelly, Aug 14, 2006
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