Things You Never Hear in Church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Revmitchell, Aug 12, 2006.

  1. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2006
    Messages:
    38,378
    Likes Received:
    790
    1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.

    2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

    3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

    4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

    5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

    6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

    7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!

    8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.

    9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

    10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
     
  2. Mishelly

    Mishelly
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    :smilewinkgrin::flower::tongue3:
     
  3. Joseph M. Smith

    Joseph M. Smith
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,041
    Likes Received:
    0
    11. We don't need to lock up this building; let's leave it open so people can come in and rest, pray, or whatever they need.

    12. Let's pay attention during the organ prelude and then let's sit down for a moment after the benediction so we can hear the postlude.
     
  4. Trotter

    Trotter
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/6412.jpg>

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    4,815
    Likes Received:
    0
    13. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me for the wrong I've done to you."

    14. "OK, anyone who needs a drink or to go the bathroom do so now, so no one will be getting up during the service."

    15. "Pastor, I just wanted you to know how much I admire your dedication. You mean the world to me."
     
  5. drfuss

    drfuss
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2005
    Messages:
    1,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    16. As pastor, I think I am being paid too much.
     
  6. LeBuick

    LeBuick
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    11,537
    Likes Received:
    0
    17 Thanks Bro Pastor for being there for me and my family over the years

    18 You're welcome
     
  7. John of Japan

    John of Japan
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2005
    Messages:
    12,219
    Likes Received:
    194
    19. We do so little to reach the rest of the world. Let's up our missions giving by 500%!
     
  8. gb93433

    gb93433
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Messages:
    15,496
    Likes Received:
    6
    I once told a group of leaders who were doing nothing that if it would help I would be willing to get a job and take zero salary form the church if they were willing to work with me. That meant they would have had to pick up some slack. From that point on they worked harder and the church grew a lot because of it.
     
  9. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2002
    Messages:
    9,836
    Likes Received:
    115
    20. Hurrah!! The building and grounds committee has chosen canary yellow and lime green for our new carpet pattern in the fellowship hall.

    21. Does your committee need any help?

    22. Where is the nominating committee? I want to sign up NOW for several church committees!

    23. Vacation Bible School? Why it's my life's ambition to work with 25 three-year-olds all by myself!

    24. You mean there are some elderly people who don't come on Sunday nights because they can't drive at night? Give me their names....I'll go and pick them all up!

    25. Who cares if the soloist is a little off key.....his heart was full of the Lord and that was inspiring enough for me.
     
  10. Trotter

    Trotter
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/6412.jpg>

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    4,815
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ow, ow, ow... my sides are hurting...

    [​IMG]
     
  11. AresMan

    AresMan
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    26. I wish that preacher would just raise his voice a little. I'm craving some adrenaline-pumping entertainment.

    27. I wish that preacher would just calm down a little. Is he speaking directly at me?
     
  12. LeBuick

    LeBuick
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    11,537
    Likes Received:
    0
    28 The wine is running out :laugh: :wavey:
     
  13. AresMan

    AresMan
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    We should compile these into a list of "pastor" and "laymen" comments. Then market their appropriate version of a "Mr. Wonderful" doll.

    1. Pastor Wonderful
    2. Churchgoer Wonderful

    Just squeeze them and away they go!
     
  14. Jeep Dragon

    Jeep Dragon
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2006
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    The Churchgoer Wonderful Doll says different random farfetched sentences depending on which places you press him. If you press his pockets, he talks about giving. If you press his feet, he talks about going places. If you press his hands, he talks about service. If you press his heart, he talks about his love for God.
     
  15. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2003
    Messages:
    3,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    INSERT RANT AND VENTING

    Or why he can't give anymore, so preach on something else.

    The mall, the movie, the show... anywhere as long as I don't have to share my faith.

    And even though he's not part of that "20% that does everything" he'll still want it done his way by his standards.

    And goes on and on, regardless of how much he shows that love by the things he says, the places he goes, the way he spends his money, and the service he gives the church.

    Boy, "Churchgoer Wonderful" sounds alot like me - whiny and irritable - when my eyes aren't focused on the Lord. If we're following, obeying, and trusting the Lord to direct and guide us... then all these things will fall into place.

    CLOSE RANT AND VENTING

    Now on with the list. These are truly wonderful! I love them!
     
  16. mcdirector

    mcdirector
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Messages:
    8,292
    Likes Received:
    10
    28. You always have just the resource I'm looking for here in the media center.
     
  17. webdog

    webdog
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    24,691
    Likes Received:
    0
    29. Please forgive me.
    30. I'm wrong.
    31. I don't give enough.
    32. I give too much.
     
    #17 webdog, Aug 14, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2006
  18. rbell

    rbell
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    11,103
    Likes Received:
    0
    33. "Oh, pastor, your A/C is fine. No problems at all."

    we have had seven a/c units malfunction this week, including our 15-ton Sanctuary unit totally fail ($25,000 to replace).
     
  19. Jack Matthews

    Jack Matthews
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2006
    Messages:
    833
    Likes Received:
    1
    34. I see that we disagree on this particular doctrine, but it sure won't interfere with our friendship or fellowship. I'm so glad we can agree on the important things.
     
  20. Mishelly

    Mishelly
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    That banner the youth group made is just too wordly, wait did I mean just ugly
     

Share This Page

Loading...